In the beginning God created the heaven and the earth. And the earth had no form. It was empty, covered with darkness and water. God stepped in this water, in the darkness, and it gave him the major willies. Then the Spirit of God hovered over the water, and God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw that the light was good. It was a pinkish warm glow that complimented the smart stripes in his Waverly throw pillows. But God couldn’t leave well enough alone because God can be like that. So God created the compact fluorescent light bulb. “That is the ugliest frigging light bulb I’ve ever seen in my life,” God’s life partner Judith said. “But Muffin,” God whimpered, “they use 66% less energy than a standard incandescent bulb and last up to ten times longer.” But Judith said she didn’t give a rat’s ass because the bulb made her skin tones blue. Thankfully God acquiesced and threw the fluorescent bulbs into the dumpster out back. (Later Satan lifted the patent.) Then God divided the pinkish warm light from the darkness. God called the light “day“, and the darkness he called “night.” And the evening and the morning were the first day, even though it felt more like three days to God.