October 15, 2007

Blog Kindergarten: A Bossy Tutorial. Eye Yoga.

It is said that the eyes are the windows of the soul. And if that’s the case then Bossy’s are covered with bacon fingerprints and dog drool:


As we age the muscles of the eye lose their elasticity which reduces our ability to focus at different distances:


But according to sources, eye exercises can tone these rigid muscles and improve vision. And by sources Bossy is referring to everyone not in the lucrative Lasik Surgery business. Because those guys think lens asanas are a crock of slow-roasted malarkey. With beans.


  1. To begin, sit erect with hands on your knees. Make sure to keep the head still but relaxed. Roll the eyes. Which you are already doing at the thought of maintaining an erect but relaxed posture with some still on the side. And P.S.—already Bossy has failed.

    Next look as far to the right as you can. And then as far to the left as you can. Look up to the right, then move the eyes diagonally down to the left, up to the left, diagonally down to the right, across to the left and finish on the right left right righty right lefty left. Are we relaxed yet?

    Repeat several times but stop if you feel any discomfort. Or are throwing up between your knees.

  2. Now look straight ahead and—as if looking at a clock—look up to twelve o’clock and roll your eyes slowly around in a clockwise direction. Don’t forget to blink. And breathe. Repeat 4 or 5 times if possible, gaining speed after each round. Then repeat in a counterclockwise direction. When you get to quarter past five it is Happy Hour. The end.

  3. Next: hold a pencil against the tip of your nose. Move the pencil away from your face until the instant it is in sharp focus. Now locate a clearly visible point in the distance. Alternate your focus several times between these two focal points, blinking between each shift. And breathing. In a relaxed erect way.

  4. After completing these exercises it is important to relax the eyes. You can accomplish this by shutting the eyes as tightly as possible and holding the position for up to five seconds. Open and blink rapidly a few times. Alternative eye relaxing technique: watching the Little People, Big World marathon on TLC.


More Information About Eye Yoga Although At This Point Reading Glasses Are Looking A Whole Lot Easier.

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