According to Careerbuilder.com, your handshake is sending a clear message to prospective employers. In a totally recent 2001 survey, decision-makers prefer the job candidate with multiple body piercings to the candidate with the clammy claw. In addition, a study by the totally famous Incomm Center for Trade Show Research concludes that you become twice as memorable when your greeting includes a handshake.
Luckily Pamela J. Holland and Marjorie Brodhas—workplace experts and coauthors of “Help! Was That a Career Limiting Move?”—compiled a list of
Ten Handshakes To Avoid, which Bossy will now attempt to put in her own words because she saw a little blurb on their website to the effect of If You Copy Even One Syllable Of This We Will Put You Out Of Business So Fast And We Should Know Because We’re Career Experts. Shall we begin?
- The Bone Crunching Shake. Fun turns to tragedy when you send your prospective boss to the emergency room for x-rays. Avoid.
- The Dead You-Know-What Shake. Rhymes with “ish”.
- The Finger-Only Shake. This is when you extend only the tips of your fingers. Like, ew.
- The Weak Shake. This is when you combine fat-free milk with sugar-free ice cream.
- The Old-clay Ammy-clay Shake. First: learn Pig Latin. Next: warm your hands before shaking.
- The Sweaty Shake. Apply talc to your hands immediately prior to shaking. Because that sounds really easy to pull off and way less offensive. Wha?
- The Covering-The-Handshake-With-Your-Free-Hand Shake. Because Bossy believes in brevity when paraphrasing.
- The Eternal Shake. Pumping is for wells.
- Shaking With Your Non-Dominant Hand. Now who’s getting a little picky? (Pamela J. Holland and Marjorie Brodhas, we’re looking at you.)
- The Ringo Shake. Inflicting pain due to an overabundance of prominent gemstones. Barbara Bach optional.