December 28, 2008

Bossy And Her Husband Have Purchased Houses In Less Time.


Yesterday Bossy and her husband left the Planet Earth and moved into a LensCrafters. You’ll be happy to know it’s very homey in the LensCrafters, what with their industrial lighting and their climate controlled cubicles.

The reason Bossy and her husband moved into LensCrafters is because they need to find replacement eyeglasses for Bossy’s husband because he accidentally broke his old pair, where accidentally equals leaving them on the welcome mat directly inside the threshold.


It’s been several years since Bossy’s husband had the pleasure of spending $374.46 for Featherwate Plus Progressives, so naturally Bossy went along to be certain they were making the most informed eyewear decision possible.

First her husband tried on scads of frames and placed the maybes in a plastic tray:


And then Bossy’s husband retried each maybe in an attempt to narrow down his field of options. First he tried them on in this mirror, then he tried them on in that mirror. Then he tried them on across the store and practiced walking toward Bossy. And then he tried them on while leaning on the sunglass rack, holding a conversation with an invisible girl who he was trying to pick up in a pretend bar.

They belong on an Architect,” “Those are too College Professor,” “Paging Groucho Marx,” were just a few of the helpful critiques offered by Bossy, but a millennium later, Bossy’s husband still had too many viable options.

So then Bossy suggested she snap a digital photo of her husband wearing each frame, because the impatient LensCrafters employees didn’t love Bossy and her husband enough already, and because Bossy thought the two-dimensional photo would reveal something the mirror could not. And Bossy was right! It revealed that Bossy and her husband need to think of a better way to kill their Saturday.

Shall we begin? This is Pair Number One:


The titanium frames match his titanium hair and his titanium glare. But the question remains: are they too Nuni Schoener? Next up we have Pair Number Two:


And this is Pair Number Three:


They are very similar to his old pair, which is comforting in a conventional dated way—but then the issue becomes: would it make more sense to skip buying new glasses and instead pay to ship his broken pair to Brooklyn to have them fixed?

Because those of you looking for a promising business idea? Apparently there are only two places on the globe that repair severed plastic frame temples.

And finally, we have Pair Number Four:


Opinions? Bossy will be sitting here in LensCrafters awaiting word.

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