Bossy has written before about her habit of jogging most mornings, even if her version of jogging is the athletic equivalent of a paralyzing stutter. Neither Bossy’s jog nor the paralyzing stutter are any good in public.
Even though Bossy has been running all but the first fifteen years of life, Bossy is not very sporty and wastes a lot of movement when jogging, expending random energy on things like gasping for the air that is trapped in her collapsing windpipe. So Bossy decided to do some research on running to see if she could acquire a few tips to help her become more fluid and efficient.
As luck would have it, Bossy zeroed right in on an instructional jogging video on YouTube, where zeroed in equals first she watched a video of Gwen Stefani jogging past the paparazzi and then a video of Gwen and bassist Tony Kanal in a bathroom together and then a video of Gwen leaving a rehearsal studio and then it was time for Bossy to celebrate her 80th birthday.
Shall we begin?
The main piece of advice offered on the instructional jogging video is to perform a thorough body scan every time you run, from the top of your head to your feet, to make sure you are keeping good form.
The head must be up with your eyes looking straight ahead. If you don’t follow this form, you will begin to lean forward.
Moving down, make sure the shoulders are back and relaxed and are not hunched, which creates tension.
According to the instructional video, the abdominal region needs to be strong in order to create a solid platform for your legs.
In order to achieve a strong abdominal region you need to switch your core muscles on, and gah why didn’t anyone tell Bossy that region had a switch? That information could have saved Bossy
hours minutes of doing this.
After you have flipped the switch for a strong abdominal region, make sure your hips are up, because if your hips are down you tend to lean forward.
The arms are critical when it comes to generating forward movement. Avoid arms that swing across the body — make sure the arms move back and forth in a straight motion, with the elbows almost brushing against the body, bent at a 90-degree angle.
Speaking of arms, the hands should not be clenched, so Instructional Boyfriend says you should imagine a large crisp, and imagine holding that large crisp, and then, if you’re Bossy, imagine you’re eating that large crisp.
Of course the primary area of concern when jogging are the legs, and to ensure a proper running technique with the legs, the instructor suggests you have a nice hiney. At least that’s what Bossy thought he said until she realized he was saying a nice high knee.
The instructional video also suggests landing on the heel while the toes push off on the opposing foot. According to Instructional Boyfriend, this maneuver powers you forward even though Bossy is pretty sure she’s never powered anywhere in her whole life.
Instructional Boyfriend then runs around a parking lot super fast, where Instructional Boyfriend equals a blur of a glow stick.
Finally, the instructional video offers suggestions on various techniques for running uphill. Those specific tips are as follows: sister mercy who runs uphill?