Last night Bossy couldn’t sleep if her life depended on it, which is rather inconvenient considering life does depend on sleeping.
Bossy’s only defense was to crack open her latest New Yorker magazine and read and read and read — sometimes even through Bossy’s closed eyelids — in order to report to Bossy’s council the following critical information:
- The new Fiat is really cute, but in the world where Bossy isn’t afraid of slipping under a tractor trailer, Bossy still prefers the Mini Cooper.
- Legend Bar & Restaurant in Chelsea received great reviews for its fermented bean paste and succulent Chengu Duck, but it doesn’t matter because Bossy was in Chelsea last week, not this week.
- Jacob Kassay is a twenty-seven year-old artist who makes hundreds of thousands of dollars applying a simple silver solution to canvases, while Bossy cashes out the loose change found under her refrigerator.
- Nandan Nilekani is a software billionaire who is attempting to establish a biometric database in India that would include every single citizen, which would create zzzzzzzzzzzzz.
- Mindy Kaling has Bossy’s career. Mindy Kaling is a writer for the television series The Office, and Mindy Kaling also occasionally writes humorous pieces for the New Yorker about stuff she’s noticed, which The New Yorker readily publishes on pages such as 36 and 37. This is that lucky penny Mindy Haling:
- There are people who sit in an office all day and this is their job: to name products. The Blackberry is called the Blackberry because Strawberry is too slow. Strawwwwwwberry. And Swiffer is a combination of sweeping and swift. Also Bossy wants this job. Or at least she wants an office she can sit in all day.
- Medical correspondent Atul Gawande asks the question: If there are coaches for sports and voice, why aren’t there coaches for surgeons? Meanwhile Bossy asks the question: How can Atul Gawande have a thriving medical practice and still have time to write for the New Yorker? This is Atul Gawande:
- Ingvar Kamprad, who founded the Ikea furniture store on Sweden’s southern peninsula in 1953, may or may not have been active in the Swedish Nazi movement, to which Bossy responds, “I didn’t even know there was a Nazi movement in Sweden. I thought that was the whole point of Sweden!”