When Bossy was a kid, Bossy’s mom got it in her head it would be a great idea to swap houses with someone over the Thanksgiving break. At the time Bossy’s family was living in a high rise on the 19th floor, so swapping lifestyles for the holidays meant locating someone with a farm. And an adventurous spirit.
After locating someone willing to stay in the Bossy family apartment in exchange for keys to their remote farmhouse, the only thing left for Bossy’s mom to do was pack everything necessary for a family of four and their many friends who always descended during the holidays to linger in the country for a long weekend.
This included all the groceries for the traditional meal.
Which is how it came to be the turkey meant to feed a nation of starving artists — or at least those dining with the Bossy family — was abandoned in the Bossy family car 24 hours before Thanksgiving.
How did this happen? you may not be asking but Bossy’s family sure did. As the story goes, Bossy’s mother was employing the logic that suggests the car is probably the temperature of the crowded refrigerator.
Just imagine the look on Bossy’s mom’s face when, hungover on Thanksgiving morning, she realized the turkey was frozen solid with only hours until her sit-down dinner meant to feed the world.
Obviously a shortcut to defrosting the turkey was paramount, back before there were microwaves in farmhouses, or words like paramount.
This is when Bossy’s mom located a few dishtowels in the kitchen drawers that were foreign to her domestic fingers. She then soaked those dishtowels in boiling water and draped them over the turkey while she went about preparing the side dishes.
When the turkey could no longer spare another minute not spent roasting in the oven, Bossy’s mom peeled back the dish towels to analyze its condition.
As it turns out, the dish towels were made of terry cloth which had stuck to the defrosting turkey, giving it the appearance of thick colorful fur.
“We can shave it off!” Bossy’s dad suggested.
There were other events, too.
Inside of the allotted cooking time, the turkey’s legs pushed through the flabby skin at odd angles creating a Jurassic tableau. And there was a disturbing absence of pan drippings which forecasted a troubled gravy.
“It’s probably going to be the best turkey we ever had,” Bossy’s teenage brother suggested, because he’s that guy.
This prompted the family to think about what the recipe for that year’s turkey would look like.
Leave in frozen backseat
Cover in shedding dish towels
Shave the turkey fur
Place in oven preheated for a time increment longer than forever
Wrap jutting turkey extremities in tin foil
Collect felled tin foil from bottom of oven
Pour chicken stock in turkey pan
Scrape away burnt chicken stock
Prime guests with alcohol and plenty of it
Well, it wasn’t the best turkey the Bossy family ever ate, but it is the only turkey recipe they can remember to this day.
Care to share your cooking disaster in recipe form in Bossy’s comment section? Wouldn’t that make a fun cookbook?