You are looking at Bob Lefsetz, a legendary crank who blogs about the music business, or lack thereof, and early this morning he quit.
Bossy has been a big fan and dedicated reader of Bob Lefsetz’ newsletters for a long time, even before Bossy had the chance last year to meet him for a hike in the canyons that surround Los Angeles.
Bossy was devastated to learn Bob Lefsetz was quitting. How else could Bossy find out about the scam of concert ticket prices and the racket of record deals? And then Bossy noticed the date of his post. April first.
One spring day when Bossy was a kid, her mother picked her up from grade school. Bossy can count on one hand the number of times this occurred in the sixteen years Bossy was otherwise required to take two subways to school, uphill, both ways.
The list of times Bossy’s mom gave her rides to or from school looks approximately, exactly, like this: that time Bossy had an eye appointment to get her first pair of contact lenses, that time the temperature dropped below zero and Bossy thought it was fun to break off her wet icy hair in clumps, that time John Lennon died.
So there was Bossy’s mom waiting in front of Bossy’s grade school. And this is the vehicle she was waiting in:
Bossy climbed in the car and, after a dramatic pause, Bossy’s mom began talking. “It’s really a shame about your school district,” Bossy’s mom said. “But it’s not sooooo bad if you think about it, because at least you’ll still get two weeks of summer vacation.”
Bossy had no idea what her mom seemed pained to tell her, even as Bossy’s vulnerable heart dropped at what sounded like a deviation from the nearly three months of summer vacation Bossy was accustomed to.
This might be a good time to explain that Bossy’s mom is able to lie in the same way some people can win the Nobel Peace Prize for their human rights’ efforts in China.
Which is to say very effectively.
“You knowwwwww,” Bossy’s mom continued. “I’m sure you heard Philadelphia decided kids need to go to school through the summer months — but the good news is you still get two weeks.”
If there is a stress test administered to children, Bossy is pretty sure it includes the above sentence.
But before Bossy’s blood could fully pool at the base of Bossy’s cerebellum, Bossy’s mom said, “April Fools!”
Bossy can sum up what this particular joke did to her in this way: It’s about the only thing Bossy remembers from grade school.
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. Even if it’s not Tuesday! In exactly ten words, can you tell Bossy about an April Fools’ joke you pulled off on someone else or was administered to you?
And be sure to check back later today for the best April Fools’ jokes on the web!