June 15, 2013
Bossy Explains What
The elephant in the room.
Bossy has been missing from these pages that aren’t pages for many days folded inside weeks tucked inside months. It’s difficult to explain what happened, so naturally Bossy will try.
Nine months ago Bossy’s life took a sudden turn.
At first Bossy tried to maintain her writing schedule. She pushed ahead with challenges such as posting every day in March, forgetting March is one of those months with an extra day in it.
But despite Bossy’s writing efforts, there was something missing from the Bossy blog. Namely: Bossy.
Bossy was missing because Bossy didn’t know how to write about the events in her life — and somehow that made everything else she tried to write seem less authentic.
Bossy realized she couldn’t write another thing before explaining why she hasn’t posted in so long. And that realization caused a very funny phenomenon: the more days passed without Bossy writing an explanation, the more days passed without Bossy writing anything at all.
Bossy began and deleted many explanation posts, as she sat staring at her blinking cursor:
You see, back in September, Bossy had open heart surgery.
Except unlike more typical heart surgery, Bossy’s sternum was split in two without a sedative, and it wasn’t so much about the eradication of disease, but the sudden cutting away of a person.
Bossy’s recovery from her heart procedure involved the typical postoperative directives, such as avoid heavy lifting. And avoid everything else too.
When not sleeping, Bossy felt the following way: Bossy felt like sleeping.
But Bossy felt other ways too. Bossy felt like an earthworm awaiting regeneration after being severed by a garden spade:
And Bossy felt like everything she had been told and knew to be true was suddenly not:
And Bossy felt like her mind had been sacrificed to a loop of details as she performed the forensics on her four year love affair:
Maybe Bossy thought it was impossible to explain to her esteemed council what happened because the word what is undefinable.
Have you ever tried to explain the meaning of what?
Perhaps that which is easier to describe than what, because it implies a relative term. And Bossy has those!
These relatives supported Bossy when she was in her relationship, and they support her independence. Their collective strength of identity reminds Bossy the importance of character.
Bossy apologizes for the months she kept her esteemed council waiting for Bossy to reemerge.
But in the end which isn’t really an end but a beginning, Bossy doesn’t regret her depth of feeling, which stole words straight from her fingertips.
Because depth of feeling is what provides roots sturdy enough to reach new heights.