Once upon a time there lived an Interior Painter named Bossy. And this Interior Painter was lucky because she had a painting business with her brother:
But Bossy was not the kind of lucky that she could quit painting and make enough money writing. Understand?
Anyway. Bossy’s brother—he was lucky too. Of course he was not
the kind of lucky that he could quit painting and make enough money as a musician. Got it?
Raise your hand if you think Bossy is only telling this story because she’s cleaning old photos off her hard drive. Bossy’s brother: put your hand down.
So. Mostly Bossy and her brother painted locally, but one day last winter they were hired by a friend to paint her seashore house. In the cold winter. And it wasn’t even this seashore house.
So Bossy and her brother—whose name is Bossy’s brother—packed overnight bags and loaded their supplies into the paint truck Honda and drove to the beach in the freezing dark of night:
During the two-hour drive Bossy’s brother’s cell phone was ringing off the hook with other offers of lucrative paint jobs:
Finally they arrived at their swanky destination:
They unloaded their stuff and got right to work. Bossy and her brother painted the living room and the hallways and the two bedrooms and the kitchen and the kitchen cabinets and here is a photo of the two hard at work:
Bossy did manage to capture a photo of the colors they were painting:
As well as a photo of their supplies:
And speaking of supplies, which we barely are, but as you read this Bossy is up on another paint ladder so take pity, Bossy’s brother utilized innovative cutlery when slicing lime for their fajitas beer:
After a twelve-hour painting day, Bossy and her brother decided it was time for bed because they had to wake up early and do it all over again. Bossy created a nest in the client’s living room out of her sleeping bag and sleeping pad and reading lamp and extra blankets and a few pillows:
And Bossy’s brother?
mr.lootiatto says
January 29, 2008 at 9:25 amWait a minute, this is the most goddamn funny ending of a great Bossy mini story yet. And its SOOOO women are from Venice, men from Mars….
Laura says
January 29, 2008 at 9:37 amNice story-loved the ending too! I am thinking that the car door is actually recyclable?
magpie says
January 29, 2008 at 9:38 amNot. So. Much.
Bossy sure knows how to end a story. And how to paint. Oh, and Photoshop.
Hotdog says
January 29, 2008 at 9:41 amLooks like Bossy’s brother is quite a fellow. He has a Billy Ray Cyrus spotty haircut, and passes out on an air mattress! LMAO. I love it!!
p.s. is he available?
;o)
Dara says
January 29, 2008 at 9:47 amYou are a hoot.
mr.lootiatto says
January 29, 2008 at 9:48 amYes. Venice.
Southern Goddess says
January 29, 2008 at 9:59 amGreat short story-telling. I really enjoy your blog, especially your family archives.
mjohnson says
January 29, 2008 at 10:07 amLOL – he was probably light headed from paint fumes and hyperventilating from having to blow up the mattress and drunk from all the beer and practicing snow angels. Don’t misrepresent your brother again!
Love your stuff 🙂
Sister Honey Bunch says
January 29, 2008 at 10:10 amI want to see the finished drunk-painters product.
Oh, The Joys says
January 29, 2008 at 10:11 amOne Corona too many for Bossy’s brother? Alergic reaction to lime?
All Adither says
January 29, 2008 at 10:17 amYou guys slept in the same room where you painted? In your painting clothes? And you actually woke up the next morning? Alive?
Mrs. Fussypants says
January 29, 2008 at 10:29 amI thought the sea side house was a one time thing.
Boss, you paint houses, too?
Very cool.
meleah rebeccah says
January 29, 2008 at 10:41 amBossy’s Brother is FUNNY.
Karla ~ Looking Towards Heaven says
January 29, 2008 at 10:41 amI used to do this for $ too (shhh, I’d probably do it for free too, since I enjoy it so much. But don’t tell anyone)
But I couldn’t have a beer with it.
Drats.
Blessings,
Karla
Helen K says
January 29, 2008 at 10:47 amI’ve seen that ‘dead to the world’ so many times, so familiar! Excellent!
Where are the photos of the lovely painting you did?
Alice says
January 29, 2008 at 10:50 ambossy, i love your painting gear!
vuboq says
January 29, 2008 at 10:53 amIf you make it to Vutopia on your Road Trip, don’t forget your painting supplies … I want to paint my bedroom 😉
Ha. I kid.
I want you to paint my bedroom.
sue says
January 29, 2008 at 10:59 amWhat is it with Bossy being surrounded by hot guys? Hot husband, hot brother, hot son… It never ends. Such fabulousness. And if I ever painted for a living you would be able to tell that I went to the Three Stooges school of painting, graduating with honors.
Jenn @ Juggling Life says
January 29, 2008 at 11:08 amSo if I take you to the beach, and ply you with Corona, when you visit San Diego this summer you will paint my master bedroom?
Tempered Woman says
January 29, 2008 at 11:09 amuhmmmm, I kind of LIKED the paint colors.
Momo Fali says
January 29, 2008 at 11:32 amI paint houses too, though not for money…just for friends. You reading this Bean?
That TSP stuff is the BEST wall cleaner ever, but maybe Bossy’s brother shouldn’t sprinkle it in his beer.
Greta says
January 29, 2008 at 11:34 amI dig that Bossy’s brother doesn’t even take his shoes off! Ah…but clearly the Corona bottle is just decorative.
Nilsa S. says
January 29, 2008 at 11:54 amI’m about to put my condo on the market and need a good paint job. Maybe you should reconsider your summer tour plans to include paint jobs (you know, to make some money along the way … or at least in exchange for free housing)!!!
we_be_toys says
January 29, 2008 at 12:09 pmSo funny, the Princess and the Pea sleeping arrangement, vs. Bossy’s brother’s (ahem) more minimalist approach.
btw, drinking beer while painting helps to remove the fume toxins from your body. (that’s my story and I’m sticking to it)
Classic Bossy-style documentary!
Tootsie Farklepants says
January 29, 2008 at 12:13 pmBossy’s brother was roughing it.
darla says
January 29, 2008 at 12:30 pmBossy’s brother sort of looks like Robert Plant (of Led Zepplin fame) in that side view photo!
I like your blog, btw!
Ava Von Snarky says
January 29, 2008 at 12:32 pmAh, a man of simple means.
The lime is critical to the Corona, so I can see using any tools necessary to slice that little bit of sour heaven for your cervesa.
Tammy says
January 29, 2008 at 12:38 pmYou have so vividly captured the difference between male and female. It’s our nesting practices or lack thereof.
Box cutter’s for lime… pocket knives work good too. Fingernails don’t. Electric windows don’t either.
-Tammy
http://thecolorofhome.blogspot.com
The Mom Bomb says
January 29, 2008 at 12:43 pmI got a little thrill b/c that profile photo of Bossy’s brother looks kind of like Johnny Cash! And I love Johnny. Bet your brother plays a mean guitar.
Miss Britt says
January 29, 2008 at 12:44 pmI had no idea you were an Interior painter. It explains the pretty walls I noticed in your house.
My best friend from home is an interior painter too! With her mom! And she has those same shoes!
(OK, maybe not the shoes part.)
Phoenix says
January 29, 2008 at 12:49 pmThe cutting of the lime was priceless. Looks like you were working hard.
MarathonMom says
January 29, 2008 at 12:49 pmI could not make up funnier stuff than this. You are so freaking fabulous.
Foolery says
January 29, 2008 at 12:57 pmIs that car door still available? I’m thinking coffee table.
Adorable Girlfriend says
January 29, 2008 at 1:13 pmCan I come along and learn how to paint? It’s really a skill and talent I need. Especially — proper taping.
qt says
January 29, 2008 at 1:31 pmhilarious, as per usual. I love your bro’s nesting style – and your painter shoes.
Madame Jozet at Halushki says
January 29, 2008 at 1:41 pmI think I was at a party with your brother.
I distinctly remember someone slicing limes with a box cutter.
And then stirring the tequila with a hammer.
blackbird says
January 29, 2008 at 1:44 pmDidn’t Bossy have another ‘painting the beach house’ fiasco? Financial windfall?
Bossy had better write to blackbird because blackbird is thinking she’s having one of those TIA’s. Or deja vu – or she’s psychic.
The Domestic Goddess says
January 29, 2008 at 1:49 pmSo Bossy’s brother remembered the beer, but not a bed or a change of clothes? So like a man…
Sister Sassy says
January 29, 2008 at 2:12 pmYUCK, I hate the whole Key West theme (no offense to anyone who has that)
dlyn says
January 29, 2008 at 2:35 pmLOL about the BRCyrus reference. Now I feel guilty because I haven’t started painting the bedroom yet.
Biddy McBidderton says
January 29, 2008 at 2:37 pmI think the next Bossy Tutorial should be how to paint a room and make it look like a professional did it instead of the dog. seriously, biddy can’t paint a room well to save her life
Grandma J says
January 29, 2008 at 4:07 pmI see Google upped the price of bumper stickers to $4 for the extra special ones that say:
“Not all who wander are lost”
Bossy’s profits should skyrocket!
Queeny says
January 29, 2008 at 4:08 pmCan Bossy’s brother tag along when Bossy comes to South Texas on Bossy’s Excellent Road Trip? My living room walls need a fresh new coat with some fresh new color. I don’t pay well, but my hubs is an excellent cook.
Tammy says
January 29, 2008 at 4:36 pmOMG Bossy is too much.
Btw….sweet car door in the trash.
Reese says
January 29, 2008 at 5:19 pmHey – easy on the Key West!
OHmommy says
January 29, 2008 at 5:32 pmNot. So. Much.
LOL. I am always amazed at your photoshop abilities. And your writing too. Your writing is great. 🙂
Lori says
January 29, 2008 at 5:52 pmHa! Bring him on the road trip, I’ve got some painting that needs to be done! I’ll pay in Corona!
Ree says
January 29, 2008 at 6:00 pmIt looks like Bossy and Bossy’s brother have loads of fun.
Now, about my bathroom?
Cece says
January 29, 2008 at 6:44 pmBossy’s friend is a slaver driver!
Chicky says
January 29, 2008 at 7:18 pmDo you give friend discounts? ‘Cause I need a lot of painting done.
Redneck Mommy says
January 29, 2008 at 8:50 pmRawr…yer brother sounds like my type of guy….
And is that door available for pickup? Cuz I think it would fit the piece of crap car my husband insists on driving…you know, the one with the dented passenger door that doesn’t open so I have to either crawl through the window or slide over from the driver side and try not to impale myself on the gear shift…
HRH says
January 29, 2008 at 10:07 pmYou brother may have fainted from the color combo…was this after he saw it?
Mayberry Magpie says
January 29, 2008 at 11:01 pmBossy, when you come to Mayberry on your excellent road trip, could you paint my bathroom? I’ll pay you. And I promise my ass is not hairy.
Seattle Mamacita says
January 30, 2008 at 12:29 ambossy you have to come to seattle to paint my house i mean to drink lots of coronas with me while we paint my house ok to teach me how to use photoshop properly?
terri says
January 30, 2008 at 11:19 amWe have something in common! lol
we have a painting business too..lol
I used to paint all the time…scraping,taping,priming,puttying,and on and on..lol did it all..my house was always the last to get done! lol..I don’t do it much anymore..
get all the paperwork instead! lol..
Hmmmmmmmm if you come this way we will have to have a painting competition.. OR maybe we can start a new paint spattered clothing line!
OR we can just hire you, and put you out on a job!
I can pay you in beer…
I wonder if I can 1099 you on that? lol
Heather says
January 30, 2008 at 2:27 pmDid you cover him up after you took this photo? At least take his shoes off? I know, he’s a big boy.
Audubon Ron says
January 30, 2008 at 2:28 pmAs a technique, does Bossy pretty much take all her pictures at sunset?
sparx says
January 30, 2008 at 6:50 pmIs this the same paint-the-beach house trip that ended so badly? I hope that Bossy’s Brother left something stinky behind in that case.
KC says
March 26, 2009 at 3:30 pmGreat story Bossy! I know Bossy’s Brother…that is the only beer he has ever left unfinished before crashin’. Ease up on him.