Know you have to be up super super early. But don’t let that stop you from going out to dinner with your mom and brother — sit at an outdoor café in the city and consume two hundred dollars worth of red wine, rare steak, and flambéed bananas while you work out the world situation. Come home at 11pm and decide you have to watch the Top Chef Finale Part One. Only three contestants left! Lie down on the couch while your stomach acids twist dinner into chyme. Fall asleep halfway through the finale. Wake up to an entirely different show and a sweaty head. Tuck into bed and begin to read an article about Mafia cops and snitches. A tough-ass whose own father was in the mob goes to the Police Academy and zzzzzzzzz. Wake up with your light on and your eyeglasses imbedded in the bridge of your nose. Carefully stretch to flick the light off, making sure your myofibrils move only the most requisite muscles. Be so happy you’re this tired. Calculate that if you fall asleep that instant you’ll still get five whole hours of sleep. Five hours are plenty – especially if you are a Pilot Whale. Some mammals sleep for just two hours a day, like the Giraffe. Porpoises keep one half of their brains awake while they sleep. And birds only allow REM sleep for nine seconds at a time. Wait a minute – I thought the waitress said that coffee was decaf! Turn the light back on. Glance at the clock and suffer a grave disappointment. New plan: read until your eyes cross then sleep four hours. So this Police Academy graduate gets assigned to the Sixty-third Precinct and zzzzzzzzzz. Wake up with the light on. Except it’s the sun.