In Hebrew, Rosh Hashanah means “Head of the year”, but you’re probably more familiar with the biblical term, ?ro?? h????n?]. Rosh Hashanah is observed the first and second day of the seventh month of the Jewish calendar. And by Jewish calendar Bossy does not mean this:
But, rather, this:
The holiday has four different meanings: it is the Jewish New Year, the Day of Judgment, the Day of Remembrance, and the Day of the Sounding of the Shofar. And the Day of Outlet-Mall Shopping makes five.
No work is permitted on Rosh Hashanah. Unless you work for the federal government, local unions, most school districts, major hospitals, accounting firms, county libraries, banks, architecture firms, retail stores, law practices, engineering companies, hotel chains, municipal service industries, major league sports teams, computer software designers, public transportation systems, or the federal post office.
As exciting as Christmas minus all the sparkly gifts, the tree, the eggnog, the mistletoe, the caroling, and the turkey — Rosh Hashanah marks the day when the Jews head to the synagogue to examine their past deeds, ask for forgiveness, contemplate their history, pray for Israel, and blow. The Shofar.
The Shofar is a ram’s horn that is blown like a trumpet during the synagogue service, symbolically awakening the congregation and warning them of their coming judgment. There are four different Shofar notes of various tones and suspension: the tekiah, the shevarim, the teruah, and the tekia gedolah. And the what-in-Mary’s-name-was-that? makes five.
The Mahzor is a special prayer book used for Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, which includes the prayer, “Who is like unto you, O God… And You will cast all their sins into the depths of the sea.” Followed by the prayer, “Who, like, wrote this book, O God… And can You hurry and cast it into the sea along with the sins and other stuff.”
On the first night of the two-day celebration, the Rosh Hashanah meal features apples and carrots dipped in honey to symbolize the sweetness of the coming year. Round challah bread is served to symbolize the cyclical nature of the year. And Tongue or other meats from the head are often served to symbolize the head of the year. Similarly Sirloin Tips or other meats from the ass can be served to symbolize the shitty year you’ve left behind.
On the second night of the celebration the family goes to a high school football game and eats ham sandwiches on the bleachers.
Noelle says
September 13, 2007 at 11:42 amI could really go for some challah bread right now.
vuboq says
September 13, 2007 at 11:50 amVUBOQ’s supercute Jewish boyfriend created the new and wonderful Rosh Hashanah food – apples soaked in honey … and vodka. Then frozen. Then put into the apple martini! Three of those and it was a very happy Rosh Hashanah! It’s all about the booze, people.
joeinvegas says
September 13, 2007 at 11:53 amDoes the local football team have to win as part of the celebration, or after enough beers does it not matter?
You can call me, 'Sir' says
September 13, 2007 at 12:26 pmIt would be sweet if the shofar spewed forth “Aight bitches, y’all’s evil asses better recognize!”, rather than the customary “bllllaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah”.
soNOTcool says
September 13, 2007 at 12:26 pmRosh Hashanabananah means that Jodi’s friend Anna cleans her house for the rapture.
Jodi smiles each day that Anna awakes and is disappointed that she has not yet raptured.
Howard says
September 13, 2007 at 12:58 pmI love this time of the year. I get to make blowing the shofar jokes all day! I left one as a comment of a blogger friend of mine and called another friend.
Weeeeee!
PunditMom says
September 13, 2007 at 12:58 pmHappy New Year! Please don’t get upset if I pass on the tongue. As mt late father-in-law would say, it’s already been in someone else’s mouth!
Nilsa S. says
September 13, 2007 at 1:08 pmThanks for the Bossy explanation of Rosh Hashanah! As my brother says, “Nilsa, you’re not Jewish. You’re Jew-ISH?” I am sending this post to my very not Jewish boyfriend for a good read about why today is (not) important (to the rest of the world).
Miss Britt says
September 13, 2007 at 1:14 pmI cannot figure out from this post if you are very, very Jewish… or very, very not.
I is confused. And yet enlightened. All at the same time.
Phoenix says
September 13, 2007 at 1:29 pmSome how my grandma missed the football game and ham sandwich part of her story. Makes me question everything she ever said.
maggie says
September 13, 2007 at 1:33 pmShiksa here. Thanks for the edification.
Avitable says
September 13, 2007 at 1:54 pmMost attorneys I know will take Rosh Hashanah off. In fact, when I was in law school, I decided to also take it off, since more than half of my class would be missing. And I’d take Yom Kippur off, too. I made myself an honorary Jew.
Teryn says
September 13, 2007 at 2:00 pmMeats from the ass … they really should make that part of the celebration.
Jenny from Chicago says
September 13, 2007 at 2:08 pmI said Shana Tovah to one of my best friend (who is jewish – which makes more sense than if she wasn’t). She said “please don’t brutalize the language that way”. It’s shanAH tovAH. One Gentile’s story of this holy day.
Audubon Ron says
September 13, 2007 at 2:14 pmMy wife and my birthday are during Rosh Hashanah, which means, absolutely nothing. In case you need to remember, I share the same birthdate as F. Scott Fitzgerald. Psst, don’t tell my wife, Fitzgerald drove his wife Zelda nuts. I mean absolutely looney tunes.
Oh, The Joys says
September 13, 2007 at 2:52 pmHave forwaded the link to all my friends from the tribe. They are praying for you.
Hilary says
September 13, 2007 at 2:55 pmThat’s the best Rosh Hashanah story I’ve ever read. I can’t wait till Passover.
You’ve kept me laughing with each post. Shofar so good! 
mimi says
September 13, 2007 at 2:56 pmthe university where i did my ba shut down for all the jewish holidays, and had exam scheduling rules to accomodate different religious observances. we hardly ever had to go to school. it was AWESOME.
Jennifer says
September 13, 2007 at 2:58 pmIt all sounds really good except for the meat from the head of the cow thing.
mothergoosemouse says
September 13, 2007 at 2:59 pmI already knew all that Rosh Hashanah. But I can’t take my eyes off that cow diagram. Think maybe “Eye of Round” is the cow’s a55hole?
Biddy McBidson says
September 13, 2007 at 3:30 pmi still think you should write history books…i’m just sayin….
moi says
September 13, 2007 at 4:11 pmOne of Moi’s very best friends emailed yesterday to ask if by chance I had any extra bow tie pasta so she could make her kasha varnishkas for tonight. Which sorta made me feel like Mary Stuart Masterson in “Some Kind of Wonderful” where she preps the boy of her dreams for a date with another gal. But that’s what I get for being the odd Catholic girl out. Although, I do bake a mean challah. Is that wrong?
Mrs. Chicky says
September 13, 2007 at 4:16 pmOh fer chrissake. I’m not blowing any g*d d*amn horn. Fer chrissake.
But as Missy Elliot said – Challah!
Brando says
September 13, 2007 at 4:36 pmMmmm, head meat…
Adorable Girlfriend says
September 13, 2007 at 4:45 pmOy gevalt!
What do they drink with their ham sandwiches? A nice glass of milk followed by some honey lobster treats?
I like Yom Kippur the best. I get to act like a jerk 364 days and somehow by starving and showing up for synagogue on the 365th day, it’s all erased.
Boy Vey do I love being a Jewessa.
my minivan is faster than yours says
September 13, 2007 at 5:14 pmOh PUH-LEEEASSE tell the story of the history of the bris. I am begging you!
I cannot wait till I get to that part of my son’s birthing story on my blog. Circumcision and corned beed. Yum!
Mr Farty says
September 13, 2007 at 5:29 pmI’ll pass on the tongue too, I couldn’t eat something that’s been in an animal’s mouth.
Just gimme a boiled egg.
Shania Twain. Whatever.
beverly says
September 13, 2007 at 5:33 pmOh so that is how it works? Glad to know.
Beverly
Queeny says
September 13, 2007 at 5:43 pmBossy would make an excellent teacher. I learn something new everytime I visit.
Susan Helene Gottfried says
September 13, 2007 at 5:44 pmL’shanah Tova, Bossy! May you be inscribed for another great year.
Mrs. G. says
September 13, 2007 at 8:25 pmOh, I can feel my mind broadening…another cultural lesson from Bossy. Where can I buy a shofar?
OMSH says
September 13, 2007 at 9:32 pmThe whole meat from the head and tongue thing? Ewwwwwwwwww.
Alex Elliot says
September 13, 2007 at 9:42 pmThat last part sounds just like our family! We must have missed the memo on the carrots because we just had apples.
stella says
September 13, 2007 at 11:55 pmBOSSY youre too much!!!
MammaLoves says
September 14, 2007 at 12:30 amAs an honorary tribeswoman, I’m surprised by how much of the lessons stuck with me.
L’shanah tovah to you my friend.
Jason says
September 14, 2007 at 1:16 amI adore your tutorials.
Melissa in NZ says
September 14, 2007 at 1:17 amBossy’s a scream!! And the queen of photoshop …
Sassy says
September 14, 2007 at 1:23 amHam sandwiches, yea, you got me. So, very… kosher, eh?
Happy New Year.
Mary Alice says
September 14, 2007 at 7:30 amDude. We’re Episcopalians and my kids know Rosh Hashanah rocks. Their superintendent is Jewish and everybody gets the day off from school. How great is that? It’s enough to convert hundreds of school children. We totally picnicked at the lake with ham sandwiches….but come Shrove Tuesday, we’ll reciprocate and invite the Superintendent for to our house for pancakes.
Meg says
September 14, 2007 at 8:09 amOh thanks Bossy. Meg was wondering why her kids didn’t have school yesterday. They were simply happy that they didn’t have homework; I was frantic trying to find places for them to be all day whilst we worked!
The Domestic Goddess says
September 14, 2007 at 8:28 amThank you for clearing that up. I’ve always wondered what it was all about and why the kids get off of schools. No one, not even my Jewish friends, has ever explained it. But they’ve told me all about Passover.
davido says
September 14, 2007 at 10:35 amI guess that means we’re in a goy school district? AND I work for an engineering co., so ha ha, no free day for me!
My son is fully into fasting on Yom Kippur if he gets the day off school. Dude obviously has never fasted on YK, aka the longest day in the Jewish calendar.
At least he doesn’t want to observe Ramadan…
L’shanah tovah to youse.
Ruth Dynamite says
September 14, 2007 at 11:24 amWow – that’s a lot of matzoh. Chapter 1: Bossy enlightens the masses.
Thanks, Bossy. Well done. I raise my Manishevitz to you.
margalit says
September 14, 2007 at 6:58 pmI am comfused. Were you trying to be offensive or did you think this was funny? Either way, not funny…pretty offensive.
Melissa says
September 15, 2007 at 12:02 amI must have missed the football game while I tried unsuccessfully to get my boys to try the gefilte fish so my very old grandmother would leave them alone….
Can’t wait ’til next Friday so I can read your description of Yom Kippur.
L’shanah Tova!
qt says
September 17, 2007 at 1:40 pmAs always, very informative. I think you should have your own cable channel…
Suzanne says
September 19, 2007 at 11:50 pmI always loved tongue until I figured out that it was exactly what it was called. Belated shana tova.
Devra says
September 20, 2007 at 9:38 pmI wonder if my mother would appreciate attending a soccer game in between the Morning and Afternoon Service on Yom Kippur. We aren’t assigned snack on that day. So is it a problem? We can make it back for Neilah, no prob!
Shofar says
June 13, 2011 at 1:10 pm@Margalit, you gotta have a sense of humor. I especially like the shofar picture!
Shofar says
June 13, 2011 at 1:12 pmAnd also the part about the fifth shofar note!