Maybe you’ve heard of him? Tall, sexy. Used to be President of the United States?
Anyway.
Last night he spoke at the Democratic National Convention and Bossy is here to report: he’s still got it. His easy style and no-nonsense argument nearly made Bossy forget that she wanted to break up with Bill Clinton a few months ago when he was out on the campaign trail making a spectacle of himself.
Ah, Bill. Bossy is glad she didn’t break up with you—but rather recognized it was just the price you had to pay because, at the end of the day, you wanted to sleep with your wife. Of course, not as much as you wanted to sleep with Barack Obama, and about that? Who doesn’t.
But last night you were in the zone—just like the day you and Bossy met.
It was the fall of 1992 and you were the presidential nominee for the Democratic Party. Bossy was living in a one-bedroom apartment in the city with her husband and son, who had just celebrated his third birthday:
When Bossy found out you were speaking at a large rally in front of Bossy’s favorite cheese steak place, Bossy threw her son on her hip and headed out the door.
But alas you were running late that day, as became your habit—and Bossy’s son grew heavy on her hip in the large unforgiving crowd. And although Bossy’s son was excited to meet his new stepfather, he was getting shpilkes.
And so Bossy decided to abandon the awesome spot she had carved for herself in the crowd because that’s the sort of sacrifice you make as a mother. So off Bossy traipsed in search of someone who would purchase her child for a low price, when all of the sudden she saw an approaching motorcade.
The intersection was abandoned, as the crowd was waiting for you over a block away—so Bossy didn’t think for a second it would be you pulling up to the curb directly in front of her.
But there you were, unfolding your frame from the backseat of an unmarked car. You fixed your eyes on Bossy as if you had a prearranged date to meet and marry at that very location. “I’ll be right back,” you said, extending your index finger to indicate you would only be a minute.
Bossy had a heart attack and then she died and then she came back to life and there she was still standing at the curb with her three-year-old son in her arms. Bossy watched you disappear into a corner barbershop with a few of your aides.
Bossy’s son was somewhat less impressed, as you were not a soft pretzel salesman and Bossy’s son was in the mood for a soft pretzel like nobody’s business.
A few minutes passed while Bossy waited at the curb, still virtually alone, where virtually alone equals who knows if there were other people around because Bill! Clinton!
Suddenly you emerged from the barbershop and bee lined right for Bossy—which is odd because Bossy doesn’t even know what a bee line is.
You checked your stride, touching the corner of your nose as you stepped up onto the curb an inch from Bossy face. And then you leaned in and you. And you. And you. You pinched Bossy’s son’s cheeks, and looked him clear in the eyes and said, “Hey there.”
And then you turned on your heels and strode away toward the distant loudspeakers.
If only Bossy would have been wearing her black beret.
Ellie says
August 28, 2008 at 11:19 amOh, he is such a good boyfriend to you, black beret or no. Pinching his little setp-son’s cheeks. Oh my heart.
Lisa says
August 28, 2008 at 11:22 amCan’t look at Bossy’s son without getting all misty eyed and remembering my son who’s 20.
Jacquie says
August 28, 2008 at 11:26 amswoon
and hey, how come you’ve never mentioned having a son?
Ann says
August 28, 2008 at 11:32 amI met your boyfriend, and had my picture taken with him at a Hillary rally in February. He became my boyfriend too. I did however fail to mention to him that I was a Barack Obama supporter.
wrh says
August 28, 2008 at 11:38 amSounds like Slick Willy was a little warm for your form. Good thing you were never an intern. Wait, that gives me an idea…do you think Barack is hiring interns? I wonder if I’m qualified…
David says
August 28, 2008 at 11:46 amWhy do I have the feeling that every post for the next 8-10 weeks is going to subtly feature a picture of Bossy’s son during his toddler days?
Mr Farty says
August 28, 2008 at 11:47 amSo Bossy’s son has met 2 US presidents?
Cool!
MamaMo says
August 28, 2008 at 11:51 amI still can’t get over the gross imbalance of all the CRAP George Bush has done vs. Clinton’s ONE b.j. It amazes me how many people are willing to overlook what an incredibly brilliant and caring public servant he is over that indiscretion. I hope he gets/wants a prominent position in the Obama administration – we NEED him!!
monnik says
August 28, 2008 at 11:52 amThis is exactly how I felt when Barack Obama kissed my daughter on the cheek at a rally in January that we got front row seats for. I only got a handshake. But I didn’t wash my hands for thirty-seven days….
vuboq says
August 28, 2008 at 11:58 amvuboq would have fainted. bossy is so composed. *sigh*
*pixie* says
August 28, 2008 at 12:03 pmBossy rules.
*pixie* says
August 28, 2008 at 12:03 pmAnd who wouldn’t want to pinch Bossy’s son’s cute cheeks? Then or now…
mr. lootiatto says
August 28, 2008 at 12:04 pmThe baby boy pictures and all this kind of talk makes everything seem possible.
aliaspice says
August 28, 2008 at 12:09 pmI met ANOTHER lovely boyfriend when I was about 8 years old…you may have heard of him? Al Gore? Back when he was TN Senator, I was a wee little thing, already petitioning against pollution in the Smokies and I knew that Sen. Gore was a fella after my own heart in those matters. I saw him on a float in a parade in Sevierville (birthplace of Dolly Parton)… and he tossed me a red Jolly Rancher!! He was soooooo very handsome back then: http://www.electfredfinn.com/graphics/Young%20Al%20Gore.jpg
Swoon!
An aside, during the 1992 election, my mother started having sex dreams about Bill Clinton that she relayed to us at the breakfast table!!
Hunter says
August 28, 2008 at 12:11 pmNow I know why they played “Addicted to Love” when he came on stage. Oh Bill … you still got it!
Backpacking Dad says
August 28, 2008 at 12:18 pmI saw Bill Clinton on tv once.
JCK says
August 28, 2008 at 12:24 pmNo fucking way! Ooops…am I allowed to swear on Bossy’s blog?
That is a moment FOREVER. How COOL is that.
I am SO bummed that I missed his speech, but like you at THAT time, I now have a 4 year old and an ALMOST 4 year old whose only idea of politics was to follow the curve of a water slide…I am SO glad you left the link for the speech so I can watch it when I dry off!
Sara says
August 28, 2008 at 12:25 pmSo jealous.
rachael says
August 28, 2008 at 12:27 pmWell, Bill Clinton is not really my boyfriend type, but VERY cool story nonetheless!
Julianne says
August 28, 2008 at 12:28 pmWow – so very cool. Bossy’s son was a hipster when he was still riding on her hips!
And – you killed me with the beret comment! Don’t you just hate it when the perfect accessory isn’t there when you need it most??
Lisa says
August 28, 2008 at 12:29 pmWow! Shat like that never happens to me, eva..but then again, in a city of 10k..no one ever comes to visit.
Ree (the Other one) says
August 28, 2008 at 12:29 pmBossy made the Other Ree swoon at the thought of being so close to Billy – who will ALWAYS have a place in her heart.
Laura says
August 28, 2008 at 12:33 pmAhh, well, yes I have and I actually shook his hand 2 years ago. Very exciting stuff!
Tootsie Farklepants says
August 28, 2008 at 12:34 pmI predict that someday we will all be watching BOSSY’S son accept the nomination for president at the DNC. He obviously has that certain something that draws even the most charismatic people to him. Obama and Clinton, just …wow!
Mark these words.
Laura says
August 28, 2008 at 12:39 pmOMG, that is great Bossy! And if only you had been wearing your blue/black Donna Karan knock-off wrap dress from the GAP!!
Martha in Kansas says
August 28, 2008 at 12:39 pmYou think he’s reading and will leave a comment??? Now that would be cool! (OK, so, I was tempted to comment as Bill, but that would just be mean.)
anne marie in philly says
August 28, 2008 at 12:42 pm1992 – new spouse and I were on our honeymoon trip in chicago.
bill and hill and tipper and al staged a political rally; we went (my first ever!).
due to that speech, I made up my mind for whom I was going to vote (bill, of course!).
then michael bolton came out to sing, and EVERYBODY left! before he even sang one note! bwhahahahahaha!
OBAMA 08!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Tina says
August 28, 2008 at 12:46 pmI’m impressed and I can so relate to that kind of affinity. You lads over there should have changed that whatever (constitution?) to have him elected another time. And another time.
Mr. Obama seems a little spooky for me, I wouldn’t necessarily want him to pinch whatever body part …
Hi from Germany!
PS: Our chancellor [to be seen here http://www.staats-feind.de/chaosblog/wp-content/uploads/2008/01/merkel_diepartei.jpg I know Americans tend not to pay much attention to who rules any other country] is not that attractive, agreed but I feel at least women are not that eager when it comes to wars of any kind … [oops, big unproved aside assumption here on a little sidenote].
Miss Britt says
August 28, 2008 at 12:56 pmswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoon
I hung up on my boss last night in order to bask in the glory that is Bill Clinton speaking.
swoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoonswoon
witchypoo says
August 28, 2008 at 12:59 pmBill, you slut! You said *I* was your girlfriend.
Jeri says
August 28, 2008 at 1:02 pmI met Jimmy Carter at a Costco book signing years ago. He was a sweet man who put down his pen, looked my children in the eyes, and spoke kind words to them. He made them feel important. He’ll always have a place in my heart.
MinivanBohemian says
August 28, 2008 at 1:20 pmBack off Bossy! Bill is mine.
Amanda says
August 28, 2008 at 1:26 pmOh how exciting. I would swoon for sure if Obama crossed my path!
'Chelle Parmele says
August 28, 2008 at 1:30 pmI had that exact thing happen to me! Except where Bill Clinton equals Russell Crowe. And there were no children. And it was a bar. But otherwise, pretty much the same.
boots586 says
August 28, 2008 at 1:33 pmYou all are just setting yourselves up for heartbreak. A man who will cheat on his wife (many times!) will cheat on his girlfriend (or alleged wife).
Jenn @ Juggling Life says
August 28, 2008 at 1:34 pmThat’s too cool.
Tammy says
August 28, 2008 at 2:02 pmWhat is it about Bill that still makes us swoon 8 years later??
I was working in a building 2 blocks from a convention center where Bill spoke in 1994…does that count as an “encounter”??
Stephanie says
August 28, 2008 at 2:27 pmThat. Is. Awesome.
And I agree, it will be a great story for Bossy’s son to tell at the DNC in a few years when he accepts the nomination himself.
Domestic Extraordinaire says
August 28, 2008 at 2:39 pmYou forgot to add and you never washed your son’s cheek’s again.
Eden says
August 28, 2008 at 2:41 pmA beret might not have been the key. Were you wearing fabulous lipstick/gloss?
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas says
August 28, 2008 at 2:43 pmI saw Bill and Hillary on the campaign trail once.
I have to say, not a fan of a president I wouldn’t trust to be in the same room with my 19 yr old daughter, but last night, he. was. good.
Lying. But good.
Sheryl says
August 28, 2008 at 2:51 pmI though Bossy was into goodlooking musicians- not criminals disguised as ex-presidents….
But he is a good speaker, not honest, not trustworthy and not loyal, but hey a good speaker he is.
Sheryl says
August 28, 2008 at 2:57 pmMcFarty, I think almost everyone can forgive one extremely stupid slip up of a BJ but seriouly…. Bill set a lot of records besides the most public bj and affairs…
http://prorev.com/missingclinton.htm
RD says
August 28, 2008 at 3:20 pmOMG! I would’ve keeled right over, would’ve died at the foot of the next president. Why the hell do we like this guy so much? He definitely has IT! And we all need a little more of IT. I think Obama’s got IT too!
Meg says
August 28, 2008 at 3:26 pmMartha in Kansas – he might – after all, Barack Obama is following ME on Twitter! We’re, like, tweets, me and the Barack Star.
Bossy – stop it with the toddler photos of your college son. I have a three year old and I am quite certain he will be three forever. Won’t he? GAH!
clickmom says
August 28, 2008 at 3:34 pmI met Donald Trump once and even though he is fugly, he has that “look at you like you are the only person in the world” kind of charisma. Which totally made me understand why young pretty girls go for him. Well… that and his billions of dollars….
Amy in StL says
August 28, 2008 at 3:50 pmWow, I am so jealous. I think I would have died from the charisma. Wow…. just wow.
Liz says
August 28, 2008 at 4:06 pm…but were you wearing a denim dress?
Surcie says
August 28, 2008 at 4:25 pmNewsweek needs that rendering for a cover. Perfect!
patty says
August 28, 2008 at 4:25 pmNO SHIT! Bossy, you sure do have some ‘being in the right place at the right time’ goin on! Thanks for making me jealous of your life once again!
Stickman says
March 25, 2009 at 4:36 pmWhile your choice in politicians is great – I love Bill Clinton! – I have to say that Jim’s Steaks is way better that Pat’s. Am I right?
Nidhi Idnani says
January 26, 2010 at 10:41 amEven after 1.5 years of your post, Bill Clinton still has it in him.
Glad to find your blog. Your posts are a lot of fun.
Cupcake Murphy says
March 9, 2010 at 12:26 amI’d not read this until now and I am weak in the knees forever.
Paula Lee Bright says
March 30, 2011 at 8:50 pmAnd now it’s a full year since Cupcake Murphy wrote above, and here I am saying:
I’d still sleep with him in a minute.
Lucky Bossy.
Caden says
February 4, 2014 at 10:04 pmYou know…. I was at a restaurant, Mi Tierra, the other weekend in downtown San Antonio. I could have SWORN there was a life size painting of Ol’ Bill running in a marathon. You don’t sit with that in front of you everyday, haha,
pinoy says
September 11, 2014 at 9:45 pmBossy’s son is so lucky. I hope he understand what happened