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Dear Mom And Dad, Don’t Read This. You Either, Scott Monty From Ford.

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Dear (Harrison) Ford, what have we here? Chains on the tires and — what is that white stuff? Snow? How on earth did you get from the palm tree landscape of Sacramento to this?

It began like any other (No) Book tour day, with Bossy in her car at
Early-Arse-o’clock.

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And like every other (No) Book Tour day, Bossy watched day break while thinking about how interesting it is to be left with nothing but one’s thoughts all day, where interesting equals thank gah for Duran Duran on Sirius satellite radio. The reflex. The reflex. Flex flex flex.

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Then all of the sudden what should appear but water on the roadway:

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On the face of it, this is not too worrying a concept — except Bossy was eyeing the outdoor temperature gauge on that handsome (Harrison) Ford’s console, and Bossy was calculating the many degrees below freezing the number had dropped since leaving her hotel room.

Still, Bossy drove on and, oboy:

snowy-roadway-iambossy

The problem was that by the time the snow began falling and covering the icy roadway, Bossy was miles from an exit. And the exits she did see weren’t supported by much life. So Bossy decided to hang tight and see what was around the bend:

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Not so much, Bossy. Because inside of a few minutes Bossy was flagged down and told she needed to purchase tire chains and have them installed that very second on the side of the interstate:

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There were a couple of issues with this purchasing the tire chains scenario. The first issue was that Bossy was way shy enough cash. The second issue was What do you mean I need tire chains to negotiate the next by the way fifty miles of treacherous roadway?

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In no time at all, Bossy was on her bumpy chain way:

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Armed with advice from her husband at the Tire Chain Checkpoint station, Bossy kept her car under 30 miles per hour, in downshift mode, and enjoyed the scenery:

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And that’s when Bossy saw the sign for the Donner Pass:

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Finally, as Bossy began to descend out of the mountain heights and leave behind the blizzard encapsulated within, the sun pushed through the white, and Bossy married a small town where a gas station attendant removed the chains from her tires:

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With her chains removed and the snow diminished, Bossy pushed through the rest of her trip until suddenly a monolith appeared in the distance:

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And in that monolith dressed as a Reno hotel, Bossy met up with her husband:

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Tomorrow: Portland Oregon. Unless there’s a typhoon wrapped in a hurricane inside of a tornado riding the tail of an earthquake.

Reader Interactions

Comments

  5. I’ve driven over Donner Pass once, a long, long time ago. Fortunately, it was July and nobody had to eat anyone else. Especially since I was travelling solo.

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  6. Hey, isn’t the Donner Pass where all those people, like, died or something? And how on earth were you photographing that sign when you had both hands on the steering wheel? (Didn’t you??)

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  7. Wow! What an adventure… I guess it is very understandable that the original Donner party did not make it through… after all they did not have your chain installing hero! Great to have a warm hubby to snuggle up to at the end of a harrowing drive like that!

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  10. Oh Bossy I laughed and then I got teary-eyed when I saw Bossy’s (real) husband. Smooch!

    Hey, all those chain guys are now readign the blog right? You hand out cards and they take them home and look you up right? And tell everyone they met a celebrity. RIGHT?

    It’s called marketing Bossy. I hope you’re on it!

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  11. Yay Portland! You will love it here, except for the 9283749237864876 buckets of rain that are pouring out of the sky this week. But I swear we are very lovely!

    Glad you made it out of the pass. Thank goodness for husband(s).

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  12. Dear daughter—I DID read your trail of woe—-and was reminded of a similar adventure we had(you were 5), in the mountains of Colorado in a snowstorm.

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  13. Thank God you had Harrison Ford, a lesser adventure star/car might not have made it. But, don’t drive near snakes, he hates that. Yea for meeting up with actual husband, especially after that trip!

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  14. Wow. We’ve had our share of driving adventures (flat in the left lane of I-40 in Albuquerque, overheats, white-outs in the Poconos, black ice, even a drive from desert to mountains in Arizona), but never the “chain monkeys” (yes, that’s the accepted slang for chain installers on highways, see Tom Waits). I’ve heard about ’em but never from a 1st person account. Glad you made it thru safely.
    PS – There are few things that depress me more than snow after Easter. It’s just so wrong.

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  15. Bossy probably doesn’t know this but Audubon Ron lived up in them there hills for the longest time. In fact, the original Donner Trail was 50 yards from the back door of Audubon Ron’s house complete with deer, pheasants and the occasional mountain lion. As you know, there was a famous Donner-Reed party that got stuck up near the Truckee Lake in a terrible snow storm and got hungry and resorted to cannibalism to stay alive. We always had a BBQ to celebrate with a Donner Party of our own where we would only eat unwanted little kids who made bad grades in school and sassed their mom and dad.

    Now exactly how many husbands has/does Bossy have? I thought that guy was just the bass guitarist. Hard to keep up.

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  17. Maybe Bossy should have her next (actual) Book Tour in the summer and (actual) Bossy’s Husband can come along and give his (no) Tire Chains Checkpoint Station a rest.

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  22. I have been telling my kids for years and years about getting stuck over Donner Pass and having to put chains on my car. Chains that cost a pretty penny and that I knew I’d never use again. So when we drove out of CA for the last time and it started snowing in Salt Lake City and it looked like they were gonna require chains, I made a chant up to keep the chain guys away. Because spending that much money on something you will only use once and don’t really need anyhow because you lived in New England for years and years and know how to drive in snow seemed totally stupid to me. Worked to. Chains. Only rubes and Californians get stuck buying the damn things.

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  23. There are people that sell you chains and install them right there on the roadway? Where were these people when I was stuck in my house during our crazy blizzard season on the East Coast?

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  24. Last month my boyfriend and I were also delayed at the summit of the Donner Pass considering cannibalism. Thank goodness we both ate at a buffet earlier in the day and it was not a problem. Truckee is cute if you’re stuck for a few hours. However, we almost missed our very own one year anniversary comedy show. Fun fact; the Donner Pass is the most unpredictable snowiest place in California and 3 parties have been famously stranded there in addition to the famous eating party.

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  30. I’ve never heard of people selling chains on the side of the road. Might be a great business here (NM) near the ski resort….hmmmm. Glad you made it to your destination and to your actual husband =)

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  31. Thank goodness you made it out alive AND didn’t end up in a ditch. Not to mention thank goodness for the guy that put the chains on for you. I’ve tried to put chains on myself before and it was a Disaster. Yes, with a capital D.

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  32. Well, I don’t know what I was thinking when you told us you *might* reroute to Reno. You mentioned Tahoe and I thought, “Oh no, you could get snowbound.” But DUHHHHH, I forgot about Donner. Glad you got to go, glad you made it safe, and glad I got to hang with you in unsnowy conditions!

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  33. So glad you had nice safe husband waiting after such a harrowing adventure!
    And who knew they had guys who install chains on the highway??!

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  34. So you wanted to take the scenic route, huh? Nice job navigating it! As someone who grew up in New England, at first I was all, “Meh. That’s not even the heavy stuff.” But clearly, you faced some serious weather, with *mandatory* chains.

    It looks like it was worth the effort, though – that town is really cute. I’ll leave it to the ladies to comment on your husband, though.

    Scott Monty
    Global Digital Communications
    Ford Motor Company

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  35. Um, so why’d you go so far inland, so to speak, to meet up with BH?

    LOVED the twist that the next Bossy-husband (are you keeping track, Chesapeake Bay Woman? she has now married a TOWN) was the real, bonafide Bossy Husband. Nice.

    PS. You can probably sell your chains to somebody at the Seattle meet-up. We often need chains up here.

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  36. So are you now going to backtrack on 89 to get to I-5?
    If so, as you pass through Mt. Shasta/Weed/Yreka, give us a wave. Save travels.

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  38. Holy crap, Bossy. I can’t believe you managed to drive in that chain-mandatory-blizzard. I would have been huddled under my seat, hoping that it was all a bad dream.

    Conversely, I would have made my husband [nice husband, Bossy!] come get me.

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  42. Uhm, chains, holy shit! I live in the hell hole of will it never stop snowing and have never had to have chains.
    Way to do Donner’s pass, bossy!

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  47. Glad you made it Bossy! FYI – John Cusack is on twitter – was just reading my “news” on E!Online and there was a tweet that went bye from him. I wanted to do a screen shot for you.

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  48. OK…gigs up. I read, I squirmed, I too recalled the Rockies in a summer blizzard of hazard driving, Zidia.
    New England socked in is one thing…but those Rockies are quite another story. Hi Honey and honeys’ husband.

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  50. Sweet! Glad you made it safely to your husband of the actual variety. Are you bringing him along for the ride to Portland?
    And now you have chains just in case you need them again farther north…but I’m sure you won’t need them now that you have ’em!
    Safe travels, Miss Bossy!

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  52. My husband and I had the same HORRIFYINGLY SCARY experience on our roadtrip honeymoon where we were all SNOW STORM BLIZZARD!! in Durango Colorado. Every time I see snow now I think “phew”. Yay for Bossy that she survived and Yay for Bossy’s husband for greeting her with such a warm grin.

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  56. I kept on thinking when I was looking at those pics you took of the snowy roadway, “Keep your hands on the steering wheel, girl! It’s slippery out there!” Anyhoo, happy for the sweet ending.

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  58. The Official Tally of Bossy’s Road Trip Husbands After the World Known as Donner:

    1. Tilt.

    2. Because in this post alone, there’s the Tire Chain Checkpoint Husband, the Small Town Outside Donner Pass, John Cusack and

    3. Prior husbands have included Burger King, Holiday Inn Express, and a Ford called Harrison and

    4. Bossy’s actual husband shows up which means please refer back to #1 above which is

    5. Tilt but

    6. Ronnie is still my husband, just in case there’s any confusion on that score.

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  60. What, nobody else in the other 49 states has chain monkeys? Even when you have your own chains in the car and KNOW how to put them on you still pull over and have the chain monkey put them on. Who wants to get cold and wet and muddy? Speaking of chains, nothing like having four sets of chains and finding out none of them fit your current vehicle! Just part of the trials and tribulations of living in No. Cal. and skiing in Tahoe. Donner Lake is gorgeous, Truckee’s a gem, not to mention Lake Tahoe which is fabulous. Reno, not so much unless you like to gamble. Glad you had a safe journey through the beautiful Sierra Nevadas of Northern California and the natives were helpful and friendly. You’ll love Portland, too cool!!!

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  63. Awwwwwwwwwww!!! Bossy’s husband is hot!! ANDDDD? SO SWEET that he joined you on your crazy adventure. You must have been missing him crazy like!! Happy that you got a good snuggle in with your man.

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  65. BH!!!! YAY!!!!

    Way to handle the chain situation, Bossy. Did you save them? As a parting gift? Or a party favor?

    Keep on truckin’!!

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  66. Yowza! What a story. I had no idea that there was such a thing as the whole buying chains in the middle of the highway, but I am seriously glad that there is. I hated driving in those mountains on a warm sunny day, much less in the snow. I too, teared up to see your actual, real, husband waiting for you in the motel! I got a warm, gushy feeling, which is entirely inappropriate here at work 😉
    Have fun!

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  68. I was waiting for Blitznen, Dasher and Dancer to show up with Donner – shows you how much I know!

    Just think! Now you have the complete set of Whip (Harrison) and Chain Wielding (Monkeys) husbands! Just what every woman wants!

    Enjoy your time with Bossy’s Husband. You need it.

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  71. I’ve gotten stuck on both 80 and 50 before. Twice in the snow, making the trip into Tahoe about 9 hours instead of the usual 3 or so and then the other time during the summer when my car completely died in the heat and I had my own hero called AAA that came and rescued me. Tahoe/Reno and I don’t have a good driving relationship.

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  72. How sweet to have a very Bossy Husband visit on your (No) Book Tour Road Trip! Makes my heart smile for you both.

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  75. Ah! Good ol’ Donner Pass. Don’t you feel for the imigants without Harrison Ford and a sweet chain installer?

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  78. Bossy is basically a trucker now, right?
    I literally “awwww”-ed outloud & motioned toward the screen for the zero people around me to just look at Bossy’s husband because Awwww, Bossy’s husband!

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  80. there is a Donner Picnic Ground up there too off 80 or 89 somewhere. Makes for a good joke or two. Funny what’s funny when you’re driving vs. what’s funny in real life.

    Love to you lady. The East Coast seems empty without you here to anchor it down.

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  82. Holy Crap, Batman, Bossy’s here. That’s what I get for not paying attention. You were here, in my town and I didn’t even know it. Anyway glad you saw Reno in April. BTW last Sunday it was 70 and this Sunday? You guessed it 70 again. We’ve been yo-yoing between hot and cold for about three weeks now. Raises hell with one wardrobe, let me tell you. Glad you’re having fun.

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  87. Ah, I love a good road trip with adventures such as this. My fave pic was the EB 80 Chain Installer. WT?! So there’s a WB 80 Chain installer, too?! WHO KNEW?! You learn SO MUCh reading blogs, don’t you?

    BTW, I’m curious why chains were needed at all. I’ve driven in way worse (read: deeper) snow without chains. Is there published criteria for such things? Inquiring minds want to know!

    PS: DH is one cutie pie! Just sayin’.

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  90. You need chains because it’s a winding mountain road and you don’t want to be slippin’ and sliding’ down over the cliff. The roads can be narrow and steep.

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