It is said that the eyes are the windows of the soul. And if that’s the case then Bossy’s are covered with bacon fingerprints and dog drool:
As we age the muscles of the eye lose their elasticity which reduces our ability to focus at different distances:
But according to sources, eye exercises can tone these rigid muscles and improve vision. And by sources Bossy is referring to everyone not in the lucrative Lasik Surgery business. Because those guys think lens asanas are a crock of slow-roasted malarkey. With beans.
- To begin, sit erect with hands on your knees. Make sure to keep the head still but relaxed. Roll the eyes. Which you are already doing at the thought of maintaining an erect but relaxed posture with some still on the side. And P.S.—already Bossy has failed.
Next look as far to the right as you can. And then as far to the left as you can. Look up to the right, then move the eyes diagonally down to the left, up to the left, diagonally down to the right, across to the left and finish on the right left right righty right lefty left. Are we relaxed yet?
Repeat several times but stop if you feel any discomfort. Or are throwing up between your knees.
- Now look straight ahead and—as if looking at a clock—look up to twelve o’clock and roll your eyes slowly around in a clockwise direction. Don’t forget to blink. And breathe. Repeat 4 or 5 times if possible, gaining speed after each round. Then repeat in a counterclockwise direction. When you get to quarter past five it is Happy Hour. The end.
- Next: hold a pencil against the tip of your nose. Move the pencil away from your face until the instant it is in sharp focus. Now locate a clearly visible point in the distance. Alternate your focus several times between these two focal points, blinking between each shift. And breathing. In a relaxed erect way.
- After completing these exercises it is important to relax the eyes. You can accomplish this by shutting the eyes as tightly as possible and holding the position for up to five seconds. Open and blink rapidly a few times. Alternative eye relaxing technique: watching the Little People, Big World marathon on TLC.
Molly says
October 15, 2007 at 9:51 amOh. My. God. My poor daughters are wondering why mama is howling with laughter this morning!! I was doing ok til I got to the “Or are throwing up between your knees.” part. I did manage to regain composure and complete the exercise, except for the LPBW marathon. We are tired of them already.
Molly
Nilsa S. says
October 15, 2007 at 9:51 amIs this eye yoga or indicators you are drunk and ways to act sober? I’m so confused!
The Domestic Goddess says
October 15, 2007 at 9:56 amOkay. I tried it. But it made me queasy and now I think I need to go park on the couch for a while because I am about to lose my breakfast.
Hey! I watched that marathon, too! COSMIC!
OMSH says
October 15, 2007 at 10:08 amAm I the only one that gets severely dizzy rolling my eyes around in my head like that?
No?
Okaaaaay then, back to your regularly scheduled programming.
Moi says
October 15, 2007 at 10:23 amI had LASIK. Does that mean I am not allowed to do these exercises?
All Adither says
October 15, 2007 at 10:24 amHow about reading a whole bunch of blogs? Doesn’t that help your eyes?
andrea_frets says
October 15, 2007 at 10:38 amI am getting dizzy just thinking about these exercises. How about just lying down and shutting my eyes, for say, twenty minutes? Will that work ok?
Mrs. G. says
October 15, 2007 at 10:40 amFinally, a yoga practice that doesn’t include downward dog!
Kristin says
October 15, 2007 at 11:25 amI have a headache now. I don’t know if its from all that eye movement or from figuring out how those Roloff kids are able to find anything in their bedrooms? EW.
blackbird says
October 15, 2007 at 11:26 amI can’t get enough of those Little People.
joeinvegas says
October 15, 2007 at 11:36 amWow, all of the educationmable things we come here to learn about. Wow.
Teryn says
October 15, 2007 at 11:43 amI decided I was going to do these eye exercises a few months ago — I even bought a book. I did them, I think, one whole time.
superblondgirl says
October 15, 2007 at 11:45 amI’ve done eye yoga! It was part of a yoga video I got once. It felt… weird. It made my contacts all dry, and so I’ve only done it the one time. Plus I got a little headache from it. My eye yoga is called “naps” and it works well for resting my eyes and all the rest of me, too. If only work would allow them a couple times a day, I’d be all set.
Plattie says
October 15, 2007 at 11:56 amOh God, just reading those instructions made me feel nauseous. No way am I going to try those exercises! Glasses and eventual blindness are way preferable.
Jason - GorillaSushi says
October 15, 2007 at 12:07 pmI opted for the Little People, Big World marathon. Because they’re smaller, my eyes have to work a little harder to see them…
Mrs. Chicky says
October 15, 2007 at 12:24 pmDo I look like someone who needs more excuses to get nauseas, fer chrissake?
But your windows look a lot like mine, I must say.
Avitable says
October 15, 2007 at 12:31 pmI like to put porn on the monitor and then get really close up to it so that my nose touches the screen. That’s my eye exercising.
Holly says
October 15, 2007 at 12:50 pmGood grief, even during eye yoga I got someone telling me constantly to BREATHE! Yeesh!
ali says
October 15, 2007 at 12:59 pmi’m pretty sure i did it wrong…you aren’t supposed to feel seizure-ish, are you???
sweetney says
October 15, 2007 at 1:54 pmmy eyes feel strained just reading the description of those exercises. am going to nap now.
Steve says
October 15, 2007 at 2:08 pmPutting slices of cucumbers on your eyes for about an hour does wonders. So does preparation H for puffiness! LOL. But you’re looking good to me!
Cindy Z says
October 15, 2007 at 3:04 pmNow I am dizzy and still need reading glasses!
Cindy Z says
October 15, 2007 at 3:06 pmOn the up side I can now tell my sister, yes I have tried yoga
Laurie Foolery says
October 15, 2007 at 3:30 pmOkay, I’ll be the Buzzkill Highwayman here . . . both of my brothers went to an eye specialist who had them doing these exercises and using special corrective contacts. IT WORKED for both of them! Then they grew up, moved away, and got glasses.
Thanks for making me spit all over my monitor (which is the true window to MY soul, by the way).
Phoenix says
October 15, 2007 at 3:39 pmI’m cross eyed by birth, so those excercises do nothing for me, except make me look at my nose. However the Little People, Big World Marathan, sounds inviting. I’ll have to give that um…technique a try.
pkzcass says
October 15, 2007 at 4:24 pmI had to put on my reading glasses to clearly see the instructions. Then I tried the exercises and ended up dislodging a contact lens.
Jen M says
October 15, 2007 at 4:31 pmI would like to peel my contacts off my eyes right now and curl up with a nice reality tv marathon.
Shayera says
October 15, 2007 at 4:54 pmUm, does just plain old rolling your eyes count as good eye exercise? Because I do that constantly.
Momo Fali says
October 15, 2007 at 5:18 pmI call that stuff our dog leaves on our windows “nose juice”. Oh, and I’ve had LASIK TWICE, and I still have to wear glasses. Talk about slow-roasted malarkey.
Biddy says
October 15, 2007 at 5:44 pmseeing as how i’m 23 and have been legally blind since 13, i’ll stick with contacts till i can afford lasik…plus, i’d have to take a dramamine to do those eye exercises!
Oh, The Joys says
October 15, 2007 at 5:57 pmIs it fair to tell you that this post made me cross eyed?
Leaf, probably... says
October 15, 2007 at 6:33 pmThat’s a whole lot of work just to be able to see in my old age. I think I’d prefer to have everything pleasantly fuzzy as I begin to sag and wrinkle anyway.
Christine says
October 15, 2007 at 7:40 pmI’m afraid to stand up. I feel like I just did the old spin-around-with-your-forehead-on-a-baseball-bat game.
Briget says
October 15, 2007 at 7:47 pmI thought about copying the picture to use as a desktop pic, but I figured it would just make things worse.
BTW, I only got through 1 & 1/2 on the eye exercises.
And that is AFTER lasik. I figure it was HIS job to make me see.
Right?
mcewen says
October 15, 2007 at 8:48 pmI’m seriously debating whether to have lasik myself, but now I feel too dizzy to make an informed decision.
Cheers
Susn says
October 15, 2007 at 9:13 pmI just have two things to say. First, bossy makes my day. And second, lasik. In one eye. Oh, that may be three things, but then I’m still dizzy.
Susan says
October 15, 2007 at 9:14 pmAnd the fourth thing? I really, really do know how to spell my own name. I’m ditzier, um, dizzier, than I thought.
meleah rebeccah says
October 15, 2007 at 9:30 pmeducational and hysterical… classic bossy
stella says
October 15, 2007 at 9:35 pmstfu.
in case bossy isn’t up to speed with ‘cool acronymns of the day’. that stands for.
SHUT THE FUCK UP.
zack and i were totally glued to that damn marathon last night.
i love the little people. although, methings that yougest one…is going to need some anger management therapy someday.
a wee agressive no?
stella says
October 15, 2007 at 9:35 pmi can’t spell.
meTHINKS.
and.
YOUNGEST.
that is all.
cate says
October 15, 2007 at 10:53 pmokay…i did exactly what you said to do…now i’m dizzy and my eyes are stuck crossed…is that bad?
i need a drink.
Jason says
October 15, 2007 at 11:50 pmHa Ha. You said ERECT
Kim says
October 16, 2007 at 12:19 amI like to exercise my eyes too…usually by staring at cute guys, or watching The Hills reruns (how creepy are Heidi and Spencer!)
Michael Bains says
October 16, 2007 at 5:31 amEver since I read that peripheral vision awareness enhances Concentration I’ve been doing stuff really similar to this. Err um, *somewhat* regularly. :()
(BTW, Bossy looks Really Cute in a TV blanky!)
lol!
Adorable Girlfriend says
October 16, 2007 at 7:18 amMan. I miss having cable.
Gloria says
October 16, 2007 at 8:15 amIf someone elect Bossy for President, I will move to the U.S.
From the link, the first exercise was:
“Move your eyes upwards as far as you can, and then downwards as far as you can. Repeat four more times. Blink quickly a few times 1 to relax the eye muscles.”
I don’t know where my eyes rolled to anymore. Be right back while I look for it at the back of my throat.
Noelle says
October 16, 2007 at 9:55 amI love to relax my eyes. I do it at least 8 hours a day. And 8 hours a night!
Paula says
October 16, 2007 at 10:23 amI’ll pass on the eye yoga, thanks. I prefer my vision slightly blurry. That way, my crow’s feet and the cottage cheese on my butt isn’t nearly so bothersome.
Alex Elliot says
October 16, 2007 at 10:41 amHey how did you get a picture of my window?!
Audubon Ron says
October 16, 2007 at 1:09 pmWarning: The Surgeon General has determined that this post will give you Marty Feldman eyes.
erin says
October 17, 2007 at 9:50 amI’m a Little People Big World fan, too!
David says
October 19, 2007 at 8:25 amI have to remember to do those periodically. I like the pencil exercise, it’s like bench presses for your eyes.
Lorrie says
May 3, 2011 at 8:01 pmSuch a deep asenwr! GD&RVVF