Dear Bossy

Can you tell me how to get the weeds out of the moss in my back yard without pulling each one by hand?

– Monk
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Bossy finds it interesting that your name is Monk and yet you don’t seem to enjoy the tiresome tasks associated with Monastery life. Isn’t the entire point to achieve enlightenment through chores like raking the Sahara one grain of sand at a time?

And why is it we never hear about Monks gaining similar power over dualism by scrubbing porcelain rust stains with cleanser? Bossy likes the whole idea of Buddhism, minus the pesky “liberation from the material world” part. Well, that and the whole “oneness with the universe” thing. Makes it seem as if the goal is tumble-weeding through planetary nebulae stripped to bra and panties. But Bossy digresses.

Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be any alternative for ridding your moss of weeds, although there’s plenty of information about ridding your yard of moss. Bossy did however find a little forum dedicated to you very special moss growers. You’re sort of, by the way, a very odd lot. One man sits on a toadstool and uses tweezers to remove the weeds, and then a whiskbroom to clean up Spruce needles. He then goes in the house and makes himself a nice bowl of alphabet soup, which he consumes from Z-A. One woman underfeeds her surrounding grass in an effort to starve lawn weeds that could potentially spread to her moss patch. Another of your brethren wrote the following undecipherable warning, “The moss I have the fuzzy very green stuff loves it!” Good luck with that.

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