You’re out for a nice neighborhood walk with your dog who squats to pee – except doh! – that’s not pee, and you just emptied your pockets of those little baggies!
Don’t panic. Nod slowly while turning your head to the left and the right, making sure no one is in really close proximity. Notice your neighbor Gertrude looking out of her bay window in your direction. Bend at the waste and inspect the poop. Return to upright posture, flashing a self-satisfied smile. Dig around in your coat pocket while exuding confidence that you have the situation well under control. Snicker audibly in that certain glad-i-didn’t-forget-my-baggies way. Stretch fingers and apply the invisible plastic bag, making sure to adjust and smooth slightly around thumb area. Bend at the knees, shifting your hand three inches to the left of the dump. Scoop at the grass in an impressive Academy Award moment. Pinch your fingers as if holding only the very tip of your disgusting baggie. Snap the leash and resume your walk, swinging your pursed hand an appropriate distance from your pant leg.
Advanced mimes may fling the invisible poop baggie into the next available trash receptacle.
addicted fan saysApril 9, 2006 at 12:18 pm
Bossy, just wanted to let you know to keep the humor and advice coming! I really look forward to my “laugh until I cry” fix.