How do I get rid of dandruff in my beard? Shampooing one’s face is not the most pleasant experience!
– Dan Druff
Ah yes, I understand your very private struggle with white flakes.
According to Dermatologist Audrey Kunin M.D., most dandruff is due to Seborrheic Dermatitis – a genetic condition where skin cells in an affected area reproduce too quickly – although there are also more serious conditions that cause dandruff, such as Psoriasis and Fungal Disease. Cute Audrey Kunin M.D., by the way, wouldn’t date a man with any of these conditions if her life depended on it.
Which is maybe why her formula for beating dandruff is so punishing:
Shampoo the area with Nizoral shampoo once a day. Then mix equal parts Hydrocortisone Anti-Itch Cream and Antifungal Pedicure Cream and apply to the area twice a day. When the storm ceases and the dust settles (we’re not laughing at you we’re laughing with you), reduce the amount of Hydrocortisone in the mixture until you are solely applying the Antifungal Pedicure Cream. To Your Face. Next hurl yourself off the top of the Triborough Bridge.
Or according to some guy on the internet who made millions offering the following miraculous pantry cure in exchange for one buck, you could instead fall face first into a plate of salad.
Pour ½ cup of apple cider vinegar and ½ cup of water into a spray bottle and spray liberally on your beard, massaging into the area. Allow the mixture to remain until every neighborhood cat is scratching at your door. Rinse well. Repeat until the condition goes away – or until you turn into a pickle. Whichever comes first.