Dear Bossy

What is the difference between an ocean and a sea?

– Something’s Fishy
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Dear Fishy,

Some definitions point to the fact that oceans are open:

while seas are partially enclosed by land. At the far extreme you have the Mediterranean Sea, which is completely surrounded by Gyros, Manicotti, and Couscous.

Much less obvious is the Bering Sea,

where only a dotting of Aleutian Islands save this hub of Octopus Gumbo and Siberian Dumplings from being named the Pacific Ocean.

We interrupt this Bossy already in progress for a Reader Warning: Bossy is a little hungry. Could be the fact that her Esophagitis medication makes Bossy feel as though she’s digesting her own pancreas.

Other sources point to size as the main difference between an ocean and a sea: Oceans are the largest uninterrupted expanses of water Herb-encrusted Mako Shark with Cilantro Lime Glaze, while seas are a smaller division of the ocean Pan-fried Sea Bass with Braised Fennel.

Except – in terms of size – there are plenty of inconsistencies in naming water masses. Gulfs are supposed to be smaller than seas but the Gulf of Mexico is larger than the East China Sea. Similarly, both gulfs and seas are supposed to be larger than bays but the Bay of Bengal is larger than the Mediterranean Sea. And the Caspian Sea is sometimes referred to as the world’s largest lake, while Lake Superior is larger than the Dead Sea. And what is Tilapia anyway? And how can Bossy keep the smell from lingering in her house?

In short, the difference between an ocean and a sea is a C, O, N, and S. And here is that recipe for Montauk Seafood Salad. What was the question?

Combine 8 cups water with ½ cup white wine vinegar and a tablespoon of Kosher Salt in a large saucepan and bring to a boil. Add 1 ½ pounds large shrimp (peeled and de-veined) and cook for two minutes. Remove with a slotted spoon and bring your mixture back to a boil. Throw in 1 pound of sea scallops and cook 4 to 5 minutes – set aside scallops and drain mixture. Bring ½ cup of water to a boil in the same saucepan and toss in 3 pounds fresh mussels in the shell (scrubbed and beards removed). Return to a boil, cover, and steam for 3 to 5 minutes until opened. Remove the mussels from their shells and place in a bowl with the other cooked seafood- making sure it is well drained. To make the sauce: Heat 1 cup of olive oil in a medium sauté pan and add ½ teaspoon of fresh thyme, 1 teaspoon minced garlic, and the zest of 2 lemons. Cook over low heat for 1 minute. Remove from heat and add ¼ cup fresh lemon juice, 1 teaspoon Dijon mustard, 2 tablespoons white wine vinegar, 2 teaspoons salt, and ½ teaspoon pepper. Pour the hot vinaigrette over the seafood. Add fresh chopped parsley leaves and toss well. This salad can be served immediately, but it is best when allowed to sit, refrigerated, for 1 to 2 hours. Oh, fuck refrigeration – just grab a fork and go.