THE SECURITY COUNCIL,
RECALLING its previous relevant resolutions, including resolution 825 (1993), resolution 1540 (2004) and, in particular, resolution 1695 (2006), as well as the statement of its President of 6 October 2006 (S/PRST/2006/41),
REAFFIRMING that just because America tests nuclear bombs (or jumps from bridges) doesn’t mean you have to do it too.
EXPRESSING the gravest concern that you do not play well with others.
EXPRESSING its firm conviction that Super Nanny is right when she says ‘no’ means ‘no’.
DEPLORING how when we try to talk, you cover your ears and go, “La la la la – I can’t hear you.”
DEPLORING further that even when your father and I count to ten you still won’t wipe that smirk from your face.
ENDORSING the Joint Statement issued by Dr. Spock, T. Berry Brazelton, and that ninny Mr. Rogers.
UNDERLINING the importance of, “Because we said so, that’s why.”
EXPRESSING profound concern that you’ll shoot your eye out!
ACTING UNDER CHAPTER VII OF THE CHARTER OF THE UNITED NATIONS, AND TAKING MEASURES UNDER ITS ARTICLE 41, the following is a list of Korea’s sanctions:
- No more trading for material that may be used for weapons of mass destruction. Neutron Generators? No way, José.
- Absolutely no more nuclear tests for you, young man.
- Frozen assets. Smacked against your hiney.
- Daily inspections of all your stuff. Do you want to try for five sanctions?