On Saturday Bossy went on a bus trip to New York City with her friend Amy. Bossy’s friend Amy was the chaperone of the trip and therefore Bossy got her ticket for free.
Bossy and her friend Amy were so excited to go on a bus trip to New York because they knew it would be a day brimming with ethnic diversity.
The bus dropped the group off at Bergdorf Goodman’s department store. Bergdorf Goodman’s always makes Bossy feel as though she’s got long black hairs sprouting from her face warts even though Bossy thinks Bergdorf’s has a lot of nerve charging $3,000 for a bed sheet pilfered from Goodwill:
Also? Bergdorf’s bathrooms are almost as swanky as the facilities down at the Martha Stewart Show.
Next stop was H&M clothing store – which is nearly as classy as Bergdorf’s and features hosiery products such as these:
Bossy’s friend Amy was very very very confused with this new product and so offered to try them on.
The whole toe sock incident was so disturbing that Bossy and her friend Amy decided to go straight to lunch. Which was delicious, even though that bathroom featured a mirror that Bossy’s friend Amy positioned on her Top Ten Worst Mirrors Eh-ver list:
Next Bossy and her friend Amy took to the streets. First Bossy’s friend Amy spied this interesting collection of
And then Bossy’s friend Amy noticed this interesting trunk outside of a fancy hotel:
But Bossy didn’t care about all of that sidewalk intrigue because Bossy was too busy dreaming about the world’s best cream puffs and calculating the number of blocks until she could fall face first into one.
So Bossy and her friend Amy walked up 50th street and snuck inside that very famous 5th Avenue religious destination in order to light a few shrine candles and pray for
cream puffs world peace.
And here’s that very famous 5th Avenue religious destination from the outside:
Next stop was Rockefeller Center where tourists take the most interesting photos.
Bossy and her friend Amy decided they wanted to go ice-skating at Rockefeller Center and so they asked the nice Rockefeller Center boy how long the line would take.
Because Bossy and her friend Amy forgot their Little Orphan Annie Decoder Rings they couldn’t figure out what new math the nice Rockefeller Center boy was employing to estimate the line length – so they ditched the idea of skating in favor of a sneak-peak photo shoot of Rockefeller Center’s Kwanzchristmukkah tree.
Next Bossy and her friend Amy walked 300 blocks up Broadway in order to secure creampuffs for the bus ride home. “Two more blocks. Three tops,” Bossy told her friend Amy whose feet were now bloody stumps as a result of her super cute cowboy boots. But it wasn’t two more blocks. Or three – it was six, and Bossy and her friend Amy just couldn’t do it because they would miss the Whitey Express back to Suburbville.
And so they settled for a bottle of wine purchased at a cute hole-in-the-wall liquor store. But not before sampling gi-normous shots of vodka in order to keep the little plastic sample cups for their eventual wine. “And now we need chocolate,” announced Bossy’s friend Amy, heading for a newsstand where she purchased two dark chocolate candy bars.
And then Bossy and her friend Amy climbed back on the bus, which promptly made a left onto 8th Avenue and got stuck in hellacious Saturday night traffic. Bossy and her friend Amy exchanged smug glances because they knew their secret wine and chocolate stash perfectly prepared them for hellacious traffic. So Bossy twisted off the cap and poured their wine into their used plastic vodka cups. And then Bossy’s friend Amy reached for the chocolate and slowly pulled back the foil wrapping and discovered:
Who needs a drink?