I’m the stupid one who still travels the day before thanksgiving. To make matters worse my wife and I are flying with our twin three year-old daughters and we’re totally confused about the carry-on rules. Do you have any tips?
– Over The River And Through The Woods
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Dear Woody,
Although only seven weeks ago the airlines decided that on-board explosives were likely being fabricated from your carry-on deodorant and breast milk, they changed their minds.
These days the airlines have enacted the 3-1-1 rule: You are allowed to carry on liquids and gels and aerosols and explosives as long as they are in
3-ounce containers that are placed inside clear 1-quart ziplock bags. Limit one per passenger.
The following is Bossy’s List of Common Carry-on Items that the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) deems OK if the passenger follows the 3-1-1 rule:
- Baby Formula
- Prescription Medication
- Hair Styling Products
- Make-up
- Toothpaste
- Screwdrivers, Pliers, and
WenchesWrenches
- “Beverages” brought from home
- Aerosol Paint
- Pressurized Cheese
- Corkscrew
- Transplant Organs
- Cigar Cutters
- Prosthetic Breasts
- Metal Scissors
- Toy Transformer Robots
- Prescription Medication
And the following is Bossy’s List of Common Carry-on Items that the Nervous Nellys over at the TSA insist should be checked with your luggage:
- Ice Picks
- Meat Cleavers
- Sabers
- Firearms
- Billy Clubs
- Cattle Prods
- and Gel Shoe Inserts
DogsPeed. Godspeed.
This Is The TSA’s List Of Everything You Can And Can’t Bring And Other Rules.
More Travel Tips Although Bossy’s Travel Tip Would Be: Stay Home.
When traveling frequently, I keep thinking that AG should put something funny in the clear baggie and let it go through. Something like a rubber chicken or something.
Dear Bossy,
Did you not *get* my latest post? And if not, should I take it down?
Sincerely,
blue girl
Husband should always be spelled with a capital H. Only whores spell Husband with a lower case h.
I think Rebbestzin is Shoelimpy™. I think BOSSY got it goin on.
AG CAN EAT ME. Right after Sarah Lawrence chumpnozzles and Rebbe Munchloaf! What does the Torah say on the kosherness of emu?
Total choads, and I don’t mean the stumpy penis definition, I mean the total choad definition.
As usual, BOSSY ROCKS.
What, no exhortation to try the veal? Oh, BTW, EAT ME. More parables featuring Spiderman please.
God this bites.
AG, do you seriously care about this? If you do, I’ll spank them good for you, but I feel it would be a waste of both my time and Jesus’s.