ADVICE OF THE DAY – Even Madonna Can’t Wear A Bathing Suit. Part Two.

Last night Madonna’s Confessions Tour was on Bravo – but because Bossy went to Book Group she TiVoed it told her husband to babysit the broken VCR in the cold basement because Bossy doesn’t have TiVo.

And bless him, the tape worked. And Bossy watched it this morning and here’s what she thinks: Madonna has a riding fetish.

Madonna also has a falling fetish:

In no time at all she was humping astride the mechanical bull:

This is the part where Madonna did the Funky Chicken with Hannibal Lecter and his nice friend:

And then Madonna disappeared for a costume change and returned wearing a Crown of Thorns.

This is the part where Madonna stood solemn while the video screens flashed sanctimonious snippets from Matthew Chapter 25, like:

• I was hungry and you gave me food
  
• I was naked and you gave me clothes
  
• I was a set designer and you paid me 62 million dollars

Then Madonna changed into this super cute outfit. Bossy loved the belt:

And so apparently did the cameraman because he took a close-up of the belt for like an hour.

Then Madonna grabbed a guitar. Bossy wonders what the real guitar player thinks of Madonna’s playing.

Next Madonna began tripping around the stage, throwing herself off imaginary cliffs and slaying imaginary dragons:

And that was sort of neat until she leaned into the audience and snatched some guy’s cowboy hat right off his head:

But Bossy thinks the guy was a plant because the hat was super cute and fit perfectly:

Then Madonna reached into the audience again. This time Bossy thinks she stole some guy’s watch:

Time for another costume change. And this is when it gets a bit freaky:

Which leads us to the moment we’ve all been waiting for:

Bossy tried and tried to figure out what those sausage-casing legs reminded her of and then she got it!

But it gets worse when the jacket comes off:

Of course none of this would be complete without an arse shot:

Or two.