Blog Kindergarten: A Bossy Tutorial. Fiji.

Fiji – more commonly known as ???? – is a country made up of 322 volcanic and coral islands in the South Pacific Ocean. But most of the action takes place on two of these islands – Viti Levu and Vanua Levu – which account for 87% of the population.

According to ancient pottery Fiji was first settled around 1000 BC. The native Fijians are Polynesian and Melanesian but anyway the Europeans arrived
2,800 years later which is all you really have to know because when the British colonized Fiji in 1874 they brought many Indian indentured servants into the country who became known as Indo-Fijians or Those Guys Who Wanna Steal Our Government.

Along with its natural forest, mineral, and fish resources, Fiji’s economy is based in sugar cane farming, the tourist industry, and racism.

The predominate religion in Fiji is Christianity, which is short for Hate Your Indo-Fijian Brethren Because They Are Hindu and Muslim.

Fiji is also famous for several sports such as rugby, kayaking, golf, and racism.

Yesterday – for the fourth time in 19 years – the Fiji military staged a coup.

Typically Fiji falls for this coup business every time the native Fijians believe the Indo-Fijians are getting a little too uppity – like when the Indo-Fijians win general elections or when they become Prime Ministers and stuff. Then it’s all Coup Coup Ka-chew.

But yesterday’s coup was different: Fiji’s military leader Bainimarama dismissed Prime Minister Qarase from office because the Prime Minister was about to pardon all of the native Fijians who forcibly held the Indo-Fijians hostage for two months during the last coup. Also? That very same Mr. Prime Minister Pants wanted to allocate ownership of all coastal land to native Fijians – while guess who gets nothing?

Read All About Why Bossy Thinks Military Leader Bainimarama Is Kind Of Coup-licious Even Though Fuji Neighbors Australia And New Zealand Have Their Panties Bunched.