When last we left Bossy she was obsessively hitting the refresh button of her airline website to determine if her snowy flight to sunny Phoenix was cancelled. It was. But the nice folks over at USAir suggested Bossy wait a day and then fly out to San Francisco where she would catch a connecting flight to Phoenix — which Bossy didn’t argue because during the time spent on hold with the airline Bossy had aged 57 years and developed necrosis of the tongue.
Early the next morning Bossy’s husband drove her to the airport across ice-laden highways. “Don’t worry,” Bossy’s husband said. “The airport has Advanced Plowing Technology.” A few minutes later she was deposited in a twisty check-in line with approximately a galaxy’s worth of vacationers who just found out their six thousand dollar trip to Cabo San Lucos was cancelled. Again.
Bossy blah blah waited blah. She blah blah ran to the security checkpoint blah. Bossy blah blah was randomly selected to be searched as if she were a terrorist blah.
A few minutes later she was situated on the plane. The plane with the Small Electrical Failure that took nearly two hours to fix. During which time Bossy peered out her airplane window and admired the airport’s Advanced Plowing Technology.
Bossy wasn’t the only one concerned that there was an Olympic skating rink where her dry runway should be. The entire row was a tangle of nerves!
But soon they were safely up in the air where Bossy enjoyed a fortifying lunch.
And here’s when they flew over the Rockies:
And here’s when they flew over Kleenex:
And here’s the part where Bossy watched
the flight movie a kid pick her nose:
And then the flight landed in San Francisco! Problem! Due to the Electrical Failure delay, Bossy missed her connecting flight to Phoenix! And so when did the gate agent predict Bossy would be able to hop another connecting flight to Phoenix? Exactly never. “What do you expect on a Friday,” said the gate agent. “It’s Thursday,” said Bossy, which made the gate agent love her even more and want to have her children. In the meantime Bossy was put on standby and set loose in the concourse. And she enjoyed her stay in San Francisco, which from what Bossy could see was just as lovely as they say:
Bossy ate a $12 cup of cabbage soup, mastered Mandarin Chinese, graduated from Harvard, married her friend Ronny, became a successful playwright, she died. Now she knows why they call it the Terminal.
After seben-deeleben hours the airline issued Bossy a ticket to Las Vegas. All Bossy can confide is: What Happens On The Plane To Vegas Stays On The Plane To Vegas — especially if it involves a little drool and an eye mask.
And after a couple of hours in the Vegas airport spent growing new eye floaters, Bossy climbed on an uneventful flight to Phoenix. She made it — and it only took seventeen and a half hours.
Read About How Travelers Continue To Melt-Down Over Ice Storm.
The Great Getzby saysFebruary 19, 2007 at 11:13 pm
That’s quite the trip; almost Mark Twain-esque.
Adorable Girlfriend saysFebruary 19, 2007 at 11:39 pm
That’s not Jon Stewart. AG can spot a non-Jewish, Jewish boy a mile away!
lildb saysFebruary 19, 2007 at 11:40 pm
whew. San Francisco’s pretty from the looks of your photo, but the carpet in the Phoenix airport kinda stole my heart.
Res Publica saysFebruary 20, 2007 at 8:02 am
Flying has gotten so shabby and depressing. It’s like taking a bus to South America. Except the buses generally run on time.
Anyway, love your boots!
Brando saysFebruary 20, 2007 at 1:36 pm
That was hilarious. I loved the terminal joke.
Mike Harper saysFebruary 22, 2007 at 2:54 am
Mmmmm! Flying is a chore these days. I too love the boots Bossy.
Chuckles saysFebruary 27, 2007 at 12:37 pm
I have flown through Phoenix on the way out of San Francisco. I didn’t really get a good look out the window because I was too busy keeping my shit together while the bimbo next to me nattered on about shopping at H&M and being able to throw away clothes instead of washing them.
If I had beaten her senseless and stuff her down the airplane toilet, I would have plead “Global Warming” in the hearing.
Have The T-shirt saysMarch 1, 2007 at 5:16 pm
Too funny! Ah, the joys of airline travel! The worst experience I had involved a family of seven, all five children under the age of about 8. The parents left the care of said children, to, the children,the entire flight! It was pure hell! Did I mention this was a TRANS ATLANTIC FLIGHT??!!!
Katzndogz saysOctober 4, 2007 at 11:50 am
It’s your fault for linking to this old entry, but I’m curious where you were flying out of. As it happens, I had similar problems that same week getting to Boston from Richmond and then back again on Jet Blue. The back again part never happened – I ended up taking the bus home.
I’ve since forgiven them because they gave me a lovely voucher for another trip.