- I am
the LordBossy your GodBlog. Thou shalt have no other godsblogs before Bossy.
- Thou also shalt not fashion idols. Or watch American Idol, especially prostrate with a mouth full of Marie Callender’s Razzleberry Pie.
- Thou shalt not work on the Sabbath Day. Thou shalt buy a calendar at Office Max and find out what fooking day that is. Also? Thou shalt not swear falsely by the name of the
godblog. But go ahead and swear in truth. Plenty.
- Thou shalt honor your father and your mother. Thou shalt honor them with small gifts from Target and phone calls that try not to make mention of the rising cost of living and the fact that they’re pissing away your inheritance.
- While we’re at it, thou shalt not murder. Obviously not as important as the whole Razzleberry Pie thing, but just thought it should be thrown in here somewhere.
- Neither shalt you commit adultery. Except with that pizza delivery guy – he doesn’t count because he’s like twenty and drives a red BMW.
- Thou shalt not steal. The phone number. Of the pizza delivery guy. Who bought the red BMW from your mother.
- Thou shalt not bear false witness against your neighbor. Although it’s perfectly fine to bear false-ish witness – like telling the authorities that raccoons are nesting in your neighbor’s weed trees and the reason you know for certain is because the folks at Animal Welfare leaned out of their truck to warn that if your neighbors didn’t cut down all the weed trees that incidentally block the sun from your garden, as well as all the nasty holly bushes and other overgrown shite that hangs over your house, they will be responsible for a rabies epidemic. The weed trees blocking the sun from your garden: true. The raccoons and Animal Welfare and rabies: false-ish.
- Thou shalt not covet your neighbor’s
wifehusband. Which is easy because he’s 4’11” and chain-smokes on his back porch while placing calls to his native Taiwan at four in the morning.
- Neither shalt you covet your neighbor’s house. Except for their sunroom addition. Which would look so much better on your house. Painted white.
Orangeblossoms saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 1:13 pm
O Bossy, there are no other blogs before you. I have even shown the Man your blog and he reads you before ME.
Yeah. As for me and my household, we shall read BOSSY.
And then me.
Did pastor preach on the Big 10 yesterday?)
Also, thanks for leaving the sabbath part in. Oddly, of all the commandments that’s the longest one…. and least kept these days.
Gloria saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Amen! Like any partial religious (oxymoronish, I know) I’ll probably be breaking some of this rules. :p But I always come back. Ehem.
I don’t need to wait for Sabbath for rest days. I have Sabbath 4 days a week. That should show you how observant I am to tradition. I’m so staunch when it comes to Sabbath! 😀
mothergoosemouse saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 3:08 pm
The holidays…oh god. Er, oh BLOG.
flutter saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 3:08 pm
The BOSSY commandeth and it was good.
martha saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 4:16 pm
And God said, “Let there be light”, and there was Bossy.
Melissa in NZ saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Bossy competes hectically with Pioneer Woman for first place … Now don’t you go zap a bolt of lightning down, okay?
Miss Wisabus saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 4:31 pm
I LOVE Razzleberry Pie. And I have actually eaten a piece while reading your blog before.
Jennifer saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 4:41 pm
Amen! Halleluia! All hail BOSSY!
K saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 4:53 pm
1. Um, is Pioneer Woman ok, too?
3. Does working on Labor Day count, because I am… oh, not really working, but reading blogs at work… nevermind, probably ok.
4. check on the swearing
7. ewww, the pizza guy? ewwww, not even him, ok? He is balding and has a bigger beergut than I do.
10. my neighbor, blech, could you tell him to put his shirt on when he mows, please, Bossy, please?
Jason saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 5:13 pm
Bossy, you are my new all-time favorite. This post sealed the deal.
Teryn saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 5:27 pm
my minivan is faster than yours saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Bossy, when I read this I could really see between the lines. I understood and it’s okay. IT’S OKAY! You want the neighbor husband and we all understand.
Mrs. Chicky saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 6:57 pm
In the name of the Bossy, the Bossy’s son, and the holy spigot. Amen.
Scott-O-Rama saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 7:40 pm
Truly words to live by.
Bossy’s will be done, on earth, as it is in her imagination.
amberstar saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 7:43 pm
That razzleberry pie is some really good stuff. And the falsish part…well, yeah..of course.
Oh, The Joys saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 8:24 pm
pgoodness saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 9:04 pm
Uh…what’s a razzleberry? Everything else? Amen.
surcie saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 9:38 pm
PIE is proof of God’s love.
Manic Mommy saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 9:39 pm
Read your bible people:
And on the 8th day, Bossy created the Razzleberry Pie. And it was good.
Scott-o-rama: “as it is in her imagination” – heh!
qt saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 11:02 pm
Dude – the neighbor’s grody husband and coveting the sunroom cancel each other out, methinks.
heath saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 11:03 pm
Bossy, you are my new favorite blog. You crack me up!!!
Biddy saysSeptember 3, 2007 at 11:53 pm
and the congregation said: Amen.
oh and red bmw pizza guy?? bossy, can biddy come stay with you and eat pizza every single night??
Jayne saysSeptember 4, 2007 at 4:51 am
Have I told you lately that I love you? LMAO
Mr. Fabulous saysSeptember 4, 2007 at 6:56 am
Is there no wiggle room in the whole “no murder” thing?
Meghan saysSeptember 4, 2007 at 8:59 am
Even with the tongue-in-cheek that follows, it’s still hard to read the word “fooking” on Bossy’s blog.
If Bossy’s not going to make a play for the neighbor’s husband, she wouldn’t mind if I get his digits… right?
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You saysSeptember 4, 2007 at 9:07 am
I’ve never had razzleberry pie – but if it should happen to fall into my shopping cart at some point in the future, I shall be sure not to eat it while lying prostate.
Miss Britt saysSeptember 4, 2007 at 9:30 am
I really hate it when a post is so funny I am unable to comment without sounding like a douche, saying something like “too funny!” or “me too!”
Because, truly, it’s all about me.
Miss Britt saysSeptember 4, 2007 at 9:30 am
Um, ‘scuse me – why do you not have a subscribe to comments option?
Kim saysSeptember 4, 2007 at 10:16 am
the visual of your tiny neighbor, on his phone, smoking, at 4am had me rofl! Probably would annoy the heck out of me if I lived there, but from this distance, very funny.
erin saysSeptember 4, 2007 at 10:45 am
Hey! If you’re not going to covet your neighbor’s husband, can I have a go at him?
4’11”, chain-smoking…sounds sexy;)
Adorable Girlfriend saysSeptember 4, 2007 at 11:22 am
That photo looks more like a Ketuba to AG than a bible. I knew you stole my Ketuba. I knew it!
Brando saysSeptember 4, 2007 at 2:50 pm
This is why I always order pizza for pick up and get it myself.
gwendomama saysSeptember 5, 2007 at 7:43 pm
what? i suppose YOU call taiwan at like 7pm and wake em all up?