Dear John Cusack,
It’s been a while since Bossy has written, but your new movie opens today.
About A Boy about a guy who adopts an eccentric kid. When asked why you accepted this role, you answered:
Oh darling, you couldn’t be more right. And while Bossy is honored you dedicated an entire interview answer to her, you really should stick to promoting your movie.
In Martian Child, your character is a science fiction writer who is grieving the loss of his wife, whatever. And so you adopt a kid and he has all sorts of weird quirks, like hanging around the living room:
Which makes you sit around at odd angles worrying about him:
But soon the two of you realize you have tons of really important things in common, like breakfast cereal:
And quicker than it takes Bossy to polish off a carton of Buncha Crunch and a medium popcorn, you and the boy are sharing very intimate moments, just the two of you:
And speaking of just the two of you, suddenly a love interest drops from the sky into this father-son movie, and that love interest is Amanda Peet. And even though you personally negotiated to get her a role in Martian Child, Bossy wants you to know she’s not the least bit concerned about that cross-eyed Amanda Peet.
Because Bossy is way too mature for petty jealousy. Or name-calling.