It seems like every five seconds Bossy is out here with her balls in the wind swooning over some new husband. Well today is different. Because this husband has been around for 18 months. He’s Master Chef Curtis Stone and. This deserves a new sentence: he is from Australia.
The fact that he’s from Australia allows him to say things like, “I ambush un-say-specting pay-ple and offer to geeve thame a hand weeth their dee-nar.”
Bossy is talking about Take Home Chef, the popular cooking show on The Learning Channel. Here’s how it works: Curtis with his dimples and poky hair approaches women in the grocery store and nslsdfhd nsjdiro dfhdooee. Frankly Bossy isn’t exactly sure what happens next because she’s too busy tabulating how much money it would cost her family to relocate to the West Coast so Bossy can shop in the kind of markets that offer up free Aussies.
All Bossy does know is that before they can count to eh hendred, the googly-eyed women shoppers are throwing strange ingredients in their carts and heading home to their paltry kitchens alone with Curtis Stone and the film crew. Once home the chef prepares specialties from all over the globe, like Steamed Mussels with Chorizo & White Wine, Thai Coconut Rice, Sautéed Foie Gras, and Sashimi of Tuna with Ponzu Dipping Sauce. Bossy doesn’t even know what Ponzu Dipping Sauce is, but if it comes with that nose and those eyes, Bossy is in.
OK. So, blah blah cooking advice and careful instructions, about halfway through the show the woman from the market is excused to go get dressed for the dinner she has been helping to prepare. She disappears from frame and—miraculously—returns with a knockout dress whose neck scoops to Breast City.
And then they flirt flirt flirt while Curtis puts the finishing touches on the chocolate ice cream bon bons. And just in time because soon the unsuspecting husband/boyfriend figure is coming through the door to discover the bank of TV lights and cameras. Smile smile smile, the husband/boyfriend goes, as he flips through his Rolodex of Awkward Situations to figure out how to treat the blonde hunk who just spent the day alone with his wife/girlfriend.
But not to worry, you husband/boyfriends, because women don’t think too highly of men who can roll up their snug dress shirts and rustle up Crêpes à la Normande. Not much.