When preparing for her recent graduation bash, Bossy took many of your excellent party food suggestions—like chicken satay and meatballs and pesto tortellini and pigs in blankets—and Bossy has this to say: with a little wood glue, the sheer number of toothpicks employed at her party could be repurposed into a second-story addition.
But when it came to the graduation party dessert, Bossy knew what she was going to make because she has a trick up her sleeve—and that trick is called Pastel Tres Leches, which is Spanish and means Three-Milk Cake. Apparently the name Luscious Diabetic Coma was taken. Shall we begin?
Oh, before we begin, here’s a little fact you should know: this cake is best if prepared the day ahead of its consumption. Or you could be like Bossy the first time she made the cake and not read the recipe ahead of time, and only when she was up to her elbows in leches did she see the last sentence, “Prepare the cake the day before and keep refrigerated,” which made her shed salty tears into the mixed ingredients, transforming the dessert into Pastel Tres Leches con Lágrimas Saladas.
Shall we? First turn on your favorite tunes. Bossy is fairly certain some people can cook without the benefit of music, just like they can probably clean without music, but that’s pure conjecture because for Bossy music and housework go hand-in-hand. Kind of like tres and leches.
The first thing you need to do is preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Actually this is not the first thing Bossy does, because we all know Bossy turns on her music first. And preheating the oven isn’t even the second thing Bossy does, because Bossy knows that it takes approximately forever to prepare this cake, and she doesn’t want to waste gas on an oven that’s sitting there all hot with nothing inside of it. So maybe the real first thing you need to do is line the bottom of a 9 x 14 x 2” pan with parchment paper:
Next sift together 2 cups of flour with 6 teaspoons of baking powder and set aside.
Next you want to separate the whites from the yolks of 9 eggs.
Now it’s time for your Kitchen Aid Mixer. Bossy is sorry, did she fail to mention you need a mixer for this cake? Buying a Kitchen Aid should really be step one, ahead of the music and even the parchment paper. Actually Bossy made this cake a dozen times with only a hand mixer and a case of carpal tunnel syndrome, but she figured the cost of the eventual orthopedic surgery would far outweigh that of a little old standing mixer, so she bought one.
Here’s what you want to do: add a pinch of salt to your 9 egg whites and beat them until blurry stiff:
Then carefully pour that mixture into another vessel so you can dump your 9 egg yolks into the mixing bowl, adding a pinch of salt, and beat until lighter in color. At this point add 2 cups of sugar to the egg yolks, a little at a time:
Beat the egg yolk and sugar mixture on high for 7 minutes. Seven. Minutes. Note: this does not mean six minutes. Or even five.
Then using a rubber. Spatula. Gently fold your stiff egg whites into the creamy yolks and Bossy is sorry but are we still talking about dessert?
Next using a wooden spoon, gently fold in the sifted flour mixture one tablespoon at a time. Note: this does not mean two tablespoons at a time, or even three at a time:
When this mixture is fully incorporated, pour it into your cake pan lined with parchment paper. Did Bossy forget to remind you when it was a good idea to preheat your oven to 350 degrees? Right, preheat the oven when you are incorporating the flour into the batter.
Bake for 30 minutes, or until done. Sometimes the cake will be very liquid toward the middle, the trick is not taking it out too soon but you also don’t want it to be completely solidified in the center or the cake will be overdone. Good luck with all of that.
While you are waiting for the cake to bake, you must busy yourself with the preparation of the milks, which serve to moisten and saturate the finished cake:
In a large mixing bowl, combine 1 can of evaporated milk, 1 can of sweetened condensed milk, 1 cup of sour cream, 1 cup of heavy cream, and Bossy knows: that’s already like four milks. Next add 2 teaspoons of vanilla.
As soon as the cake is out of the oven, turn it upside down onto a serving platter. Remove your parchment paper and prick tons of holes into the cake using a knife:
Next slowly pour your quatro tres leches mixture over the cake, allowing the cream to settle around each prick, and Bossy is sorry but are we still talking about baked goods?
It’s at this point that you must refrigerate the cake overnight, allowing the cake to absorb all of the surrounding calories liquid.
The next day you will need to prepare the topping. In a mixing bowl, combine 1 cup of heavy cream, 1 cup of sour cream, 1 teaspoon of salt, and 1 cup of sugar.
Once you have beaten that mixture stiff, you will need one of these:
Spoon the topping into the piping bag:
You can decorate the cake however you like. Bossy begins by piping lines along the length of the cake:
And then she pipes a few lines down the sides and along the bottom edges:
Then Bossy fills in every available space with more lines because wasted topping? And then Bossy begins the application of her fresh raspberries:
And then Bossy applies a few more raspberries and then a few more and a few more, all the while contemplating who put the “p” in Raspberries.
Your finished Pastel Tres Leches should be stored in the fridge until serving. And by the way, while at Home Depot purchasing kitchen skylights and the cattle ranch, you may want to pick up a padlock for your refrigerator door.
Cattle Ranch vast expansive “professional” kitchen VS somewhat dingy dark kitchen..Same diff, Boss. Id still eat that WHOLE cake..
Nummy, girl!
Lisa
coastal nest
This looks SOOOOO good — and the padlock could hardly work since I would know how to circumvent it, now could it? Hmmm?
Bossy, mind was obviously wandering while you were making this cake. Maybe you needed some help in the kitchen. Of course, we are still talking about baked goods, right?
Ahem, that was “your mind” … above.
HEAVY. But, YUM. I would have a piece con mucho gusto!
MMM, I love Tres Leches. I actually have a Tres Leches cheesecake that is really yummy too.
You don’t have to compete with Ree. We love you just the way you are.
I believe you can only purchase cattle ranches at Lowes. And I think I have a coupon somewhere….
Wow, that cake looks good!
Sounds YUMMY … one question though … can one use strawberries or blackberries instead of raspberries? For some reason that ‘p’ in the word raspberries seems to somewhat dull the fruitful taste of the berry!
Mmmmmmmmmmmm! That looks PERFECTLY EVIL! Just the type of cake I was looking for my friends birthday friday. Thanks Bossy :O)
I’m sorry…did you just put sour cream in that cake TWICE?
Excuse me while I head to the store. And to Curves to sign up for a Membership.
Now Bossys got Madness all worked up. And shes not talkin cake.
Damn – the kid is allergic to eggs. Do you think that after like 5 eggs, it becomes moot? Maybe I should try…..
I had some fetching comment but I lost it when I got to the pastry bag. I mean totally lost it.
A question: how many of these did you have to make? Because, um, I could take out the entire east wing of that cake by myself.
How can you cook without Chef’s Little Helper? I’d be lost. And probably less apt to spill things.
The cake looks delicious. BOSSY can make it for me the next time she stops by! YAY!
You can bake for me any day.
Seriously. My kids have banned me from the kitchen, and I miss cake.
save a piece for me; I’ll be right over!
bossy is a good baker!
I’d eat that…even if Bossy IS getting dangerously close to food porn there.
Make the day before? You said the magic words.
That Looks and Sounds Delicious!, and the raspberries just add to the cake idea.
as for the skylights and cattle ranches, I would just install skylights into the already owned kitchen, I think cattle would ruin the cake smell.
But what *kind* of music were you listening to? And would it vary if you were say, preparing a turkey dinner?
I need to go eat something sweet right now!
Nicely done, Bossy! I’m impressed.
I’m a Ree wanna be also !
Live in a berm house. Only have windows & doors on the south side. So I bet my kitchen is way darker than yours.
Haha! This is great! I knew you were following in Ree’s footsteps before you even said “cattle ranch”. Maybe you should make a “Bossy Cooks” section? More recipes for the win! The cake looks delicious.
Just reading the recipe and seeing the pics, I KNOW that cake is scrumptious! And Paola, would you be a love and share the Tres Leches cheesecake recipe? Please?
Bossy, I will forward a great Black Magic cake recipe I was given 30+ years ago that is always a hit, in return for your sharing this one. Thanks so much!
I’m sorry, were you talking about dessert? This must be the most sexual recipe I’ve ever seen. I’m still fanning myself, I was so hot.
Aw, it wasn’t the lack of beautiful cooking photography that clued me into whose blog I was on…it was lack of 2 sticks of butter!
You made up for it though with sour cream twice, heavy cream, 27 cups of sugar 42 eggs and sweetened condensed milk!
Actually, if you want to get technical about it, it’s dos leches y dos cremas. But it’s all delicioso orgásmico!
Holy diabetic ketoacidosis, Batman! That is my kind of cake!
Unfortunately, I don’t have the ability to plan one day ahead. It is a genetic mix-up, I’m sure.
Where’s the chocolate?
looks delectable!
Yumma-licious! …and a little dirty – can’t beat that combo:)
I don’t bake, I don’t eat eggs, I don’t eat dairy, and I don’t read about cooking, but I gobbled up this post with glee. Maybe I’ll get around to replacing my broken blender this week.
My hubby bows to Bossy and sends many heaps of thanks for finally providing me with a tres leches recipe that I can make. Bossy rules!
That’s one deli-ish-cious cake! Thanks.
I would do this first: Get a loan to buy kick-ass sound system, kitchen-aid mixer, gas to go purchase ingredients, various dairy products,parchment paper, eggs and box of brownie mix in case cake comes out horrible and I need a back-up dessert.
I LOVE how the egg yolks looked like a flower in the bowl.
Alternate Title: Where Bossy Channels Pioneer Woman And Prevails Despite Inferior Lighting
Yum!! Looks delicious even without the ranch and skylights.
But don’t tell your husband I said that. We wouldn’t want him to get the crazy idea he doesn’t need to get them for you.
I keep hearing about how you aren’t supposed to separate eggs that way because it can transfer salmonella to your leches. I am glad bossy still does it that way though because I do too, and I have met her more times than Martha.
cattle ranch, schmattle ranch, that looks good girl!
I could never be bossed into making this, or indeed most any, cake. I could be coerced into eating it, however.
Oh yea baby!!!! Thats the cake i had those dreams about. It was AMAZING! Hey Bossy, my birthday is in FEB. Do I get a cake?
I can’t find the glass of wine in any of the pictures. Are you a guest poster posing as Bossy?
And an authentic Tres Leches still has eggshell bits in it. I know because my cousin’s girlfriend is from one of those countries where they eat that cake like we eat Twinkies, and her cake was full of eggshell bits.
must. eat. some. right. now
This is one of my dessert tricks-up-my-sleeve, too (hey, those 6 years in TX actually WERE good for something besides my lovely husband!), so when I saw another commenter mention you made a milk cake yesterday I was very excited to see if it was tres leches. My recipe is almost identical, but for the icing I make plain ol’ whipped cream icing (like, cream and sugar beaten to hell in the KitchenAid) and just spread it on. I ain’t fancy like Bossy. People love that cake.
I just accidentally ate my monitor.
That’s a whole lot of work for Bossy. A handful of blueberries in the upper left hand corner would have given that diabetic coma cake a US flag look.
I’m curious as to whether that served fifty people? At my house it would have been plenty for me and the dog. Everyone else would get a Hostess Snowball.
I just made my first homemade, from scratch, not from a box, banana bread a couple of weeks ago.
The (Other) Ree doesn’t hold a candle to that woman out on the ranch or to Bossy in the kitchen.
MMMmmmmmm! Dontcha just wanna smear that creamy cakey goodness all over yourself and roll around on the kitchen floor?
Anyone?
Please explain to my wife — again — how it is impossible to cook without music playing. She does not seem to understand this.
That cakes looks so amazingly good that I am going to plan my next dinner party around that as the dessert. Which is a good idea in so many ways, not least of which is that the promise of that for dessert will excuse me serving nothing but water and toothpicks for a main course.
On the food porn thing, check out smittenkitchen.com which has the most insanely good food photos I’ve ever seen, and she manages them in a closet-sized kitchen in an NYC apartment (no cattle, no ranch, no skylights) — AND she has a great post about her equipment which tells a lot about her indirect lighting flash.
Hilarious…and yummy. You give me such a good giggle.
Looks mucho yummo!
Bossy, you may have sent Bossy’s DH to Home Depot for skylights and a cattle ranch, but remember what happened the LAST time Ree made a cake with berries on it?? http://thepioneerwoman.com/2007/07/i_did_a_bad_thi.html
Bossy could use a flat cake plate – I’m only saying.
(bb is pleased that Bossy absorbed the calories as it would appear that there are, like, 8 milks.)
Okay, fine. I shall commence the making of the cake tomorrow, and the consumption of the cake on Friday, thereby marking the end of my no sugar/no desserts stretch which by friday evening will have lasted 12 days.
Totally your fault.
I was just planning to set up a chocolate fountain at my kid’s grad party and be done with it. Because I’m not Bossy.
Please don’t tell me those little white things are baby chickens b/c I’ll NEVER EAT EGGS AGAIN!
The cake looks very ambitious but yummy.
So with all that milk is is a soggy cake? LIke… uh trifle? or does it absorb and dry out over night?
This cake appears to be an awful lot of work. Is there anywhere in the recipe that calls for someone to make this for you?
I was soooo scarred as a kid because a teacher told us the whites in yolks had the potential to be baby chicks and I was SO freaked out..but not freaked out enough to become vegetarian. Or is that OVOtarian?
Now I know where I’ve been going wrong. I so should have had the music.
And the skylight.
And the ranch.
* licks screen *
And the food porn.
That looks magically delicious, Ms. Bossy.
Then only thing I successfully do in kitchens is start fires.
I agree with Bossy’s first step of music. Step 2, however, is wine. Or, Step 1 is wine and Step 2 is music, makes no difference. There must be wine and music first.
Whatever comes next is absolutely immaterial. Lighting, cooking directions, measurements that involve numbers, oven temp (again with the numbers), the task at hand, tending to anything other than refills, etc.
But I must say that is one delectable looking cake.
This message brought to you by someone who evidently has severe, heretofore undiagnosed ADD and got lost after Step 1, music. Is Bossy’s cake available via mail-order?
I do have a skylight in my kitchen. Doesn’t help. Not one bit.
Bossy is evil for sharing this “easy” recipe and must be destroyed. I may be forced to drive out there and sit on you.
That is way too hard for me! Oh, now it sounds like I’m not talking about baking either! Bossy has me hungry and my mind in the gutter all at once!
I have calculated that Bossy’s cake recipe has four thousand calories per serving.
There must be some skinny person that I hate enough to secretly serve this to…
The little white things on the eggs are not baby chicks. Just a little protein that would help feed a baby chick if one were to develop. No fear. And don’t worry about salmonella – the eggs are getting cooked.
If this was “the ranch” you would have needed to butter the parchment paper as your first step. And you would have cut a nice big slab and enjoyed it, leaving all of us envious that would couldn’t reach through hyperspace with our spoons to share a bite. And envious that we can’t eat these 2 sticks of butter, cup of heavy cream, sour cream concoctions and still look like a Hollywood starlet (or Hollywood-gone-ranchin’)who couldn’t possibly have a child going off to college.
Ok, we’re envious anyway.
Oy. Vey. I just had to order a new wardrobe of Gap jeans one size larger from reading the recipe.
When I go nightie night tonight, I will dream of Pastel Tres Leches. And Carlos. My love in first grade. Carlos will feed me Pastel Tres Leches. In Bed. And speak to me in Spanish. And he will look into my eyes . . . and . . . er . . . what were we talking about? Oh, yeah, cake.
It looks yummy, and I love stuff I can ask someone else to make in advance!
Good God Woman! You are too talented. That cake looks pretty superior from out here in California.
Honeymooned in Costa Rica where I had the most amazing Tres Leches cake. Even got the recipe. And then I went and birthed a child with a dairy allergy. WHY?!!??!?!?!?! (and I’m pretty sure children born on cattle ranches do NOT have dairy allergies)
Dang! That looks really good! I got really scared when I saw all of those eggs and the condensed & evaporated milks! But gawd…..you only live once, right?
Prick. Heh.
I laughed so hard. I love you Bossy!
PS – I tried to make that cattle ranch lady’s flag cake on the 4th of July last year. She demoted me to Pioneer Sous-Chef cause it SUCKED. Poor recipe, never know what hit it.
that was one good read. hehehe.
Me so hungry, aw huh, me so HUNgry…
Yet another perfectly delicious Bossy post!
This is the first Food Porn I’ve ever read. Heh!
I know Bossy spent a LOT of time making that cake, and being in Texas, I know how that cake is almost universally loved. But can I just say…YUCK, wet cake!
I feel better now. It is very pretty but…it’s wet cake. Ewwww.
All I have to say is…YUM!
WOW, it is like we are connected somehow. I just posted a recipe thing on my blog. Cause you know my blog is all about the domestic.. however mine was not nearly as good as yours.
I had an ulterior motive.
Better than sex brownies to send a hint to my husband…
Oh and burritos that looked like vomit.
So do you drink that cake or what?
You stay right there, I’m calling Bobby Flay. We’re gonna have a throw down.
Beautiful,
So beautiful, in fact, that you have now inspired me to get up and suck down another can of whipped cream.
i agree…every kitchen should have a kitchenaid mixer, skylights and a cattle ranch
and a marlboro man…
and crap on a stick now i have to go make a quatro leches cake! i haven’t in forever because i will definitely eat the WHOLE thing…
kinda like the crack cupcakes.
Love that you have VINYL albums and a RECORD player! This summer I am going to challenge myself to listen to the 700+ albums in our collection.
holy cholesterol, bossy. my arteries cry, “yum” and “no mas!!”.
sounds like a grand time. and that cake. well there are no words to describe it other than YUMMY!
I’m seriously considering printing this out and making it instead of learning about President Truman and his action on Civil Rights… Oh so tempting.
After you cried salty tears into your first attempt, did everyone weep uncontrollably after eating it, like in “Like Water for Chocolate?”
Mmmmm, chocolate. I’m with Ellen.
I loved this post and as usual sent the link to the “goils” in the office.
Although lacking a ranch, skylights and Marlboro Man, the post did include a cheeky sexual inneundo that was most enjoyable!!
(although not so to lick my screen, sorry!)
This is now on my list! I have a list of things I want to cook and this is now on it!
Hey, those little white things (and I could be wrong here, it’s been known to happen every once in awhile) are the brains (or future brains and spinal column) … so now Bossy is smarter for eating the delicious yummy eggs butter sugar delite!
Well, thank GOD I can just walk a coupla blocks from my house to the wonderful, wonderful Los Gueros ANY DAY OF THE WEEK & just buy a piece of this cake. Although I never have – it just looks too TOO. They also make chocolate tres leches, and I’ve heard their buttermilk pies are to-die-for (and maybe only in Texas can you get buttermilk pies at a Mexican place) but I’ve never tried those either. The truth is I’ve never eaten anything there but the avocado/tomato tacos with limes. Oh,and beans. But the cakes LOOK terrific.
You lost me at “parchment paper.” Actually, you lost me at “preheat your oven.”
Where is the chocolate?
If your next Road Trip takes you to Austin, you should try the Tres Leches at Hula Hut on the lake. It’s TRES TRES Tres Leches.
Now I am STARVING and nothing will satisfy my ravenous craving quite like a ‘Luscious Diabetic Coma’ cake can or will.
…Mmmmmm, this looks gooooooood…
…lol…I’ve got you beat in the dark kitchen department girl. Live in a 180 year old log house where your kitchen was once a stables and see how dark your kitchen’ll get. Mmm hmm, it’s like a friggin’ cave I tell ya…
…Yeah, my grandma used to tell me when I was a kid that those lil’ white things in eggs were rooster sperm. Did I mention she was highly dysfunctional? Ye-ah…
…Thanks for the recipe! And don’t change a thing – Ree is Ree and Bossy is Bossy and we like it like that… ;o)
…Blessings…
…Oh and one more thing…the song that was playin’ while Bossy was wielding that piping bag was “Sexual Healing” by Marvin Gaye – am I right? ;o)
I’m still in shock that you own a KitchenAid mixer and piping bag- wha?!?!
Have you been holding out on us? No cattle ranch or skylights here…so I take all my food out to the deck to take pictures. I’m sure neighbors think I’m total looney. Wait- they thought that WAY before I started blogging.
Funniest GD post ever!!
Nice going Martha!
I’m not sure if this is the answer to the “are those chickens” question?
http://www.boingboing.net/2008/05/29/photos-of-chicken-fo.html
ok, so i went back and read that whole thing as i’m not so much for the cooking/baking stuff. and i was actually surprised to see that there really are THREE milks. whoa-a.
Yum. When should we arrive for cake?
O BABY! THANK YOU BOSSY! I made a lazy version of this with a store bought mix because I wanted to double it and I don’t have the Kitchen Aid So I cut the liquide for the 2 mixes in half and then procedded as directed for the rest of the recipe.
OMG, O.M.G. OMG, I took this to work for a coworkers B-Day and let me tell you, it was a happy afternoon at the office yesterday!!!
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS RECIPE. I will definitly go the extra mile and make the home made cake next time. Danielle
Luscious is the cake.
Divine will be the sugar high.
This cake? is awesome. I made it for my friends Masters party. This friend, however, requested peaches, kiwi, and strawberries. So I piled those three up and the cake looked (and tasted) AMAZING and was universally praised.
Said friend also says it’s Pastel *de* Tres Leches. Either way, it was wonderful. Thanks!
This looks yum.
All it’s missing is some Cuarenta Y Tres Liqueur. That should be the first step. Oh Wait! This was for kids, right?
If you haven’t tried this stuff, it’s WHOA good.
http://www.thewhiskyexchange.com/P-3252.aspx
I’m going to keep this one up MY sleeve now until I need to get the Frog to agree to something I know he’s going to hate… tricksy, hey?
loved it back then, love it now.