As many of you know, a few days ago Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban celebrated the birth of their first child together.
Also as many of you know, two years ago Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes celebrated the birth of their first child together.
And also as many of you know, a handful of years ago Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise adopted two kids due to infertility:
So: if Nicole Kidman can have kids, and Tom Cruise can have kids, what’s with the infertility?
Liana says
July 9, 2008 at 9:36 amYou know? You’re right! Weeeirrd….also vaguely sad and disturbing.
Mary Alice says
July 9, 2008 at 9:36 amAh-ha! I see Bossy spends time pondering the very same things Mary Alice has pondered long and hard and has not been able to come up with a logical scientific reason.
Hallie says
July 9, 2008 at 9:38 amI think “infertility” was code for “WE DON’T REALLY LIKE EACH OTHER ENOUGH TO BUMP UGLIES!”
Hallie
http://wonderfulworldofweiners.blogspot.com/
feefifoto says
July 9, 2008 at 9:38 amBossy, at the risk of finally revealing myself as completely nerdy, I think I read in one of the those grocery checkout magazines that she got pregnant a couple times but miscarried.
Okay, now I’m going back to reading War And Peace.
carolyn says
July 9, 2008 at 9:40 amI think the Church of Scientology wasn’t ready to let Tom reproduce yet. But now he’s gotten to a high enough level and can have spawn. That’s just my take on it.
Bush Babe says
July 9, 2008 at 9:42 amOoohhhhh… them’s fightin’ words! I’d look less for ‘scientific’ reasons than Scientology reasons!!
The other question is: The Name. Tom’s famous over here for his ‘Lamb Roast’ ads (“I’d rather have a lamb roast than dinner with Tom Cruise”)… so the moniker Sunday Roast (I mean Rose) takes on a whole new pun/angle.
Lets just hope the little darlin’ can sing. And move her eyebrows.
🙂
BB
Meg says
July 9, 2008 at 9:43 amOh, that’s totally easy. Have you ever taken at look at Suri? She’s REALLY Keanu Reeve’s kid, so it’s Tom that’s infertile.
Next question 😛
Liz says
July 9, 2008 at 9:48 amApparently, two wax figures cannot reproduce. They just get candles and/or cool, red wax lips.
However, if one mixes the waxiness with a real, live human being (and I’m going out on a limb here with that Katie Holmes), little girls are produced.
It’s a scientific fact.
katia says
July 9, 2008 at 9:49 amdunno. But, if I may split hairs and perhaps be a bit annoying, this isn’t Nicole’s “first child” — it’s her first biological child. She does have two other wonderful children. Just sayin’.
Debby says
July 9, 2008 at 9:50 amReplace Tom Cruise with Sperm Donor and you’ve got your solution
Kate says
July 9, 2008 at 9:56 amHow do you know they adopted due to infertility? Maybe they wanted to adopt. Maybe Bossy should mind her own business. Love, An Adoptive Mom
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You says
July 9, 2008 at 9:56 amI’ve thought of that a few times, actually. (sad, I know). I’m thinking the infertility was really not so much infertility as inability to melt the wax.
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You says
July 9, 2008 at 9:57 amwow – looks like Bossy hit a few sore spots. I really doubt that she was trying that, I think she was just making an observation on her own blog. Maybe. Probably.
maggie says
July 9, 2008 at 9:58 amI have been wondering the same thing! Didn’t Nicole just get pregnant like last week and now she had the baby with very little sign of a pregnant belly?? Hmmmmmmm.
The Domestic Goddess says
July 9, 2008 at 9:59 amEveryone knows that People magazine only reports the truth and THEY SAID that NICOLE SAID that TOMMY SAID they were infertile so they adopted. At least that’s what the DOCTOR’S SAID.
I still think that Suri is Xenu’s baby.
Grandma J says
July 9, 2008 at 9:59 amThat’s what I love about you Bossy! You are the queen of super slueths!
Here’s my take on it…Tom WAS infertile. Then he became a High Holy Priest in that church of Scientology…key word is science..ANYTHING is possible with science and test tubes.
Audubon Ron says
July 9, 2008 at 9:59 amInteresting how you write about infertility on hump day 🙂
The Domestic Goddess says
July 9, 2008 at 10:00 amOh, and another thing?
Nicole, PLEASE STOP WITH THE FREAKING BOTOX. YOU USED TO BE PRETTY. We also prefer you with your naturally curly red hair.
That is all.
Tracy says
July 9, 2008 at 10:04 amBased on what I’ve read about the Scientology “silent birth” experience, I think that if I were Nicole, I would have claimed infertility while hiding the pill under the floorboards.
Sincerely,
Inspector Tracy
ms picket to you says
July 9, 2008 at 10:07 ami think cusack is the father of both suri and sunday. just sayin’.
CourtneyRyan369 says
July 9, 2008 at 10:08 amI say that Suri is actually Katies previous boyfriends kid and Tommy is shootin blanks (if he’s shootin at all!)
BOSSY says
July 9, 2008 at 10:09 amLordy, Bossy promises she means no harm. A few of Bossy’s favorite relatives are adopted. Nah, this is just Hollywood fodder.
Grandma J says
July 9, 2008 at 10:10 amGeesh! I thought I posted on the wrong blog because someone thinks Bossy should “mind her own business”….
Oh wait! This IS Bossy’s blog….Bossy’s funny harmless blog.
Miss Britt says
July 9, 2008 at 10:18 amOMG. That is Nattie Ice in the corner there.
Ahem. Sorry. Distracted.
Tom can’t have kids! Didn’t you know? Suri was made from frozen Hubbard Sperm!!
Katie says
July 9, 2008 at 10:19 amI thought I heard Nicole didn’t want to get pregnant and ruin her figure when she was with Tom…possibly another crap rumor, but it’s fun to throw it out there, isn’t it?
ginhovil says
July 9, 2008 at 10:20 amGreat question…one that keeps me up at night. Things aren’t always as they seem…especially in Hollywoodland!
anne marie in philly says
July 9, 2008 at 10:20 amwho the hell would WANT to have sex with tom cruise in the first place?
not me, baybee!
heart shaped hedges says
July 9, 2008 at 10:22 amI have pondered this myself. I think that the Theta force of Tom’s sperm was resistant to the reduced thinking levels of Nicole’s eggs….that’s what I figure.
By the way….you have received the Arte di Pico award over at my blog….time to pass it along to 5 other blogs that you love. cheers!
Lynda says
July 9, 2008 at 10:28 amExcellent question! At least the two older kids have an interesting life. God willing, they will turn out okay.
Brava97 says
July 9, 2008 at 10:32 amWhen Katie was pregnant I was among those conspiracists who thought her bump was a prosthetic, but then Suri came out looking exactly like Tom’s side of the family. (Just compare her to a photo of Tom’s cousin William Mapother of “Lost” — maybe he’s the father???) I think Nicole’s pregnancy was the fake one. She was too vain to wear a realistic, huge, swollen, back-breaking prosthetic. Whose belly is that small at full term?
Anne says
July 9, 2008 at 10:36 amAccording to my RE’s office, Suri can’t be Tom’s baby. He’s extremely infertile.
Barb says
July 9, 2008 at 10:39 amI usually visit Bossy to be entertained, but today I was also informed. Way to go investigative-reporter-Bossy!
Laura says
July 9, 2008 at 10:40 amI just read recently, and I’m not ashamed to admit I read all the celebrity tabloids, that Nicole had a miscarriage early in her marriage to Tom and that they decided to adopt as a result.
(Well maybe I’m a little ashamed to know this.)
crabapple says
July 9, 2008 at 10:53 ami rate this best.blog.post.EVA!
hokgardner says
July 9, 2008 at 10:55 amMy quibble is with the stunt dolls representing Tom and Katie. The one for Katie should be at least 6 inches taller than the one for Tom.
MarathonMom says
July 9, 2008 at 11:01 amLove the Cruise family photo!
I think Matthew McConaughey is Suri’s real father.
Cynthia says
July 9, 2008 at 11:05 amWould you really want to have a baby with a psychotomogist??? Yeah, me neither.
mary says
July 9, 2008 at 11:06 amAs someone who was treated for infertility to have my first child and is now pregnant with no intervention, people’s fertility status can change. Still funny to poke some fun at others though!
Hol says
July 9, 2008 at 11:13 amI also heard that Nicole miscarried when she and Tom were still together.
Although, who really knows what it fact or fiction with Hollyweird.
suzr says
July 9, 2008 at 11:24 amI thought Xenu was Suri’s biological father. Isn’t she part alien?
Kristy - Where's My Damn Answer says
July 9, 2008 at 11:26 amWOW seems that you hit a few adoptive nerves – YIKES – haha.
I am an adoptive mom and STILL see the humor in this. I like the Keanu Reeves theory above.
amber lee peace says
July 9, 2008 at 11:29 amI think it was the stress of the goddamn marriage, and Nicole couldn’t carry to term because of it.
True story – I KNOW a girl from a scientologist family. She’s no longer scientologist, but her whole family is. Freaky. Why do we even recognise it as a religion?
KD @ A Bit Squirrelly says
July 9, 2008 at 11:31 amI always thought Nicole didn’t want to ruin her figure, but I am mean like that. Plus when they were first together having babies wasn’t as cool in hollywood as it is now. Just a thought…ftr I feel horrible if she really did have infertility and I think it si great that their children they adopted together have parents.
Maria says
July 9, 2008 at 11:31 amI know my ladybits cringe at the mere thought of boinga-ing all boinga long with Tom Cruise.
Philly says
July 9, 2008 at 11:36 amScientology= no drugs, silent births which would result in infertility for me that’s for sure!!
#1
Stepped on alot of toes today my dear Bossy,,lol
Denise says
July 9, 2008 at 11:38 amI think her stuff just doesn’t like his stuff. And vice versa. The end.
corrie says
July 9, 2008 at 11:38 amBossy has her finger on Pulse of the greatest questions! I’ve read through the comments and now I too know the answer.
(i love the last pic of tom & nicole under a magnifying glass!)
junebug says
July 9, 2008 at 11:40 amI have often wondered who was the infertile one of the two. But I also wondered about Jennifer Aniston and Brad. I think the biggest mystery is whether any of these couples will stay together long enough to raise their children.
marchelle says
July 9, 2008 at 11:47 amWORD.
LOVE that Tom has no head. LOVE Oprah. But Katie needs to be taller than Tom.
Megan says
July 9, 2008 at 11:57 amAll of my theories have been stated above, but I am enjoying reading the new additions.
I also think both pregnancies were fake.
Andrea's Sweet Life says
July 9, 2008 at 12:03 pmIt wasn’t a problem conceiving, it was a problem carrying to term, so they stopped trying. I don’t blame them one bit! It’s a crazy ride.
I do think it’s interesting that they’ve gone on to have successful pregnancies with their new spouses…
Lisa says
July 9, 2008 at 12:07 pmAw, Boss..Im going to leave this one up to you. Im sure you will get to the bottom of it and let us all know. Its all VERY obsurd and skeeeery. I think Keith is kind of looking a little too much like Barbies Ken. His hair looks WAAAAy better than mine, and the make up? My GAWD!! good luck.(as I upchuck)
Lisa
coastal nest
Tootsie Farklepants says
July 9, 2008 at 12:09 pmNicole’s eggs are impervious to Scientology. They could not be converted by Tom’s sperm.
Julianne says
July 9, 2008 at 12:19 pmTom was also married to Mimi Rogers and produced no kids with her, but she got preggers immediately with her new husband. Hmmmm. Tom’s cousin is totally the biological father of Suri. As for Nicole, remember when her hair was red and curly and she was cute? Her and Keith need to lay off the highlights and Botox. Tom needs to embrace his sexuality (if you know what I mean) and free Katie from her prison cell.
Jami says
July 9, 2008 at 12:21 pmSometimes two people who are just fine and fertile simply can’t make viable babies together. I know – we got pregnant 5 times with 6 babies in 8 years. Not a one made it past 3 months gestation, yet all our tests showed nothing wrong with either one of our teeny baby ingredients or the internal delivery and baby-growing and support plumbing. We ultimately adopted and have been happy parents ever since. I can’t imaging loving my kids any more just because we happened to share some DNA. Oh, and the “looks like a parent” thing can be totally random. One of our kids looks like me, one like my spouse.
But I also want to say that not only are my toes tough enough to endure being stepped on, you didn’t even come close to squashing them with this post. I’ve often wondered the same thing about Tom and Nicole. Personally, I think Tom is gay and his kids with Katie are really Xenu’s offspring.
BH says
July 9, 2008 at 12:24 pmThe solution actually is quite simple. Tom is gay, Katie was impregnated by aliens, and their child half-Remulacan.
BH says
July 9, 2008 at 12:26 pmWOW! Holy coincidental comment, batman!
Lisa says
July 9, 2008 at 12:32 pmHere’s the part where I admit that I didn’t know those kids were adopted. However the fact that one child is half black should have been my cue, apparently I’m not as bright as I once thought. Maybe the adoption was a sympathy thing, like hey we’re an awkward couple, maybe people will like us more. Or maybe like everyone says that Katie’s baby isn’t really Tom’s, but L Ron Hubbards sperm (oh how I love thee Examiner). I read too many trash mags..I’m just saying though.
Undomestic Diva says
July 9, 2008 at 12:37 pmI heard from a local plastic surgeon who was at a pool party this weekend with some big time Hollywood people that:
1. Kevin Spacey is gay
2. Tom Cruise is gay and Suri was via invitro
3. Brad Pitt sometimes wears a hairpiece
I could not make that shit up.
Karen in DE says
July 9, 2008 at 12:44 pmI wanna know where Michael Jackson is in all of this!
Eloise says
July 9, 2008 at 12:45 pmBossy’s commenters are almost as funny as Bossy herself. ALMOST. I think Jami is right on the money with her last line.
Ellen says
July 9, 2008 at 12:49 pmI can’t believe that no one has stated the obvious.
Tom is gay.
End of discussion.
Thank you Bossy for your fine work today!
Ellen says
July 9, 2008 at 12:51 pmI can’t believe that no one has stated the obvious.
Tom is gay.
End of discussion.
Thank you Bossy for your fine work today!
Vicki says
July 9, 2008 at 12:53 pmLMAO! Bossy, this was da bomb! I had never given it much thought until now. I think that the commenters were right about the miscarriages early in Tom and Nicole’s marriage. That was the reason for adoption. I’m glad to see they can both procreate though. Where would the world be without some super-hot spawn to populate it? And anyways, somebody’s kids have to be the bad examples later on in life…who wants to place bets as to who’s kid ends up in jail??
The Mom says
July 9, 2008 at 12:54 pmMaybe Sunday Rose Kidman Urban is L.Ron’s baby too?
Emily R says
July 9, 2008 at 12:57 pmWhen Nicole & Tom were together he was at his prime. Let’s not forget Top Gun, even though Tommy’s a bit freaky now. I think Suri isn’t his. And I know a girl that barely shows when she’s pregnant – she just carries them in more.
Also, those 2 adopted kids of theirs are REALLY cute. Wow. I like them a lot. Hope they turn out okay.
merrymishaps says
July 9, 2008 at 1:18 pmThere were rumors that Chris Klein was actually Suri’s father … http://www.ihatetomcruise.com/2006/09/06/yes-suri-thats-not-toms-baby/
rb says
July 9, 2008 at 1:20 pmBossy, DUH! Babies come from storks.
I thought everyone knew that.
Courtney says
July 9, 2008 at 1:22 pmBurn!
I still think that Suri is Ron L. Hubbard’s (or whatever his last name was) child from frozen specimen.
Maybe Nic & Tom “tried”, but she didn’t want to bring up a biological child in Scientology. She’s Catholic, is she not?
Nancy says
July 9, 2008 at 1:30 pmMy guess? Tom shoots blanks.
As far as Nick miscarrying Tom’s (?) baby? It was right around the time he filed for divorce without making public the reason saying “Nick knows why.”
And his first wife? Tom and she couldn’t conceive. She, Mimi Rogers, and her current hubs have 2 kids.
Katie? Umm, did anyone else think of “Rosemary’s Baby” when all that was going on?
Laura says
July 9, 2008 at 1:30 pmNow that Tom has married a younger, dumber and naive girl-then I believe the Church of Scientology gave them their blessings. Katie does not have enough life experience to see through all the BS. I wonder what her parents think, especially her father?!
TwentyFourAtHeart says
July 9, 2008 at 1:33 pmI thought they passed a law saying that Tom is not allowed to reproduce?
mommymae says
July 9, 2008 at 1:37 pmbossy did say “their first child together” peeps. not nicole’s first child. you did seem to step on some piggies with this one. i do always wonder why mags and rags (yes i read them) always call conor and isabelle their ‘adopted’ children. they are just their children no matter where they came from, right? next thing you know you’ll see “babette and tree are the ivf children of brad and angelina.”
Amy @ Milk Breath & Margaritas says
July 9, 2008 at 1:43 pmI thought she never admitted to being infertile at all, and that that’s why all the gay rumors started about Tom. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.
And in person, she doesn’t look like wax. Pretty (not as pretty as pictures) and painfully thin. My daughter sees her at Starbucks all the time.
They named the baby Sunday, but she was born on Monday. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. (I think it’s stupid.)
Dara says
July 9, 2008 at 1:44 pm…..Suri is Chris Klien’s child ( Katie’s ex). They faked the last part of her pregnancy so the “due date” would match….remember, there were no pictures of Suri until she was “three” months old.
Nicole did say she had a miscarriage while married to that nutter, er, I mean Tom Cruise.
Umm…I need a life.
Shari says
July 9, 2008 at 1:46 pmMommymae beat me to it. The media, as an afterthought to biological baby glee, always mention Tom and Nicole’s adopted children. With the special emphasis and everything. It’s like they’re writing with all the social stigmas of 50 years ago, but none of the tact.
And yes, Nicole needs to bring back curly! Preferably unmanageable, frizzy, Hermione-head curly. Just in case someday I decide to move back to a place with humidity. 🙂
The Glamorous WAHM says
July 9, 2008 at 1:53 pmI was wondering the same thing! Thanks for voicing it for all of us!
ali says
July 9, 2008 at 1:59 pmi *wish* that was my ONLY question about Tom Cruise…..
Ms. Karen says
July 9, 2008 at 2:01 pmOk, I thought I was the only one wondering that very same thing. Then I got to thinking… sex with either one of them would be gross, so I can see where it might be difficult to conceive, you know?
Caroline says
July 9, 2008 at 2:02 pmRemember when Tom and Nic broke up? And Tom told some reporter, ‘Nic knows what she did to break up our marriage’?
I have ALWAYS suspected that it had something to do with babymaking, or rather, failure to babymake. Like maybe she refused to lie still for the turkey baster?
Chris says
July 9, 2008 at 2:12 pmMSN.com ran a headline on Tuesday: “What actress became a new mom at 41?” WTF? Doesn’t she already have TWO children? Are these kids just shoved aside now that Tom and Nicole have managed to procreate (separately, of course)? That headline just pissed me off.
Lisa says
July 9, 2008 at 2:17 pmMe thinks Inspector Tracy was an AMC fan – didn’t Erica Kane (Erika Cain?) hide her pill under the floorboard.
Ouch, I think my IQ just dropped 10 pts.
Noelle says
July 9, 2008 at 2:23 pmAll this math and Scientology makes my head hurt. It’s hard to imagine Nicole Kidman doing something as human as pregnancy, though.
pkzcass says
July 9, 2008 at 2:25 pmI just never knew that Keith Urban was slightly shorter than Nicole until now. Forget the kid mysteries; what is it with her and the short guys?
Deeples says
July 9, 2008 at 2:30 pmOk, I used to pay medical claims for Tom and Nicole many, many years ago. And I signed a non-disclosure thingamajob and I have no idea how long my non-disclosure thingy is in effect so I can’t share what I know. But I do know that none of us that paid these claims ever saw anything about infertility for these two come in. There were other.. *ahem*… claims that may explain the situation but I’m too chicken to say.
But I will say this: I don’t think EITHER of them are infertile.
Jenn @ Juggling Life says
July 9, 2008 at 2:31 pmI think Tom had infertility problems with his long-forgotten first wife, Mimi Rogers, also. Maybe infertility technology has changed since then?
Meg says
July 9, 2008 at 2:35 pmNow that is a question for the ages. I guess we can all conclude that Bossy stopped obsessing over John Cusack for just long enough to put all of that together, because that? That was some deep thinkin’ goin’ on right there.
Deeples says
July 9, 2008 at 2:36 pmAlso, Perez had the scoop on why they named her Sunday…
http://perezhilton.com/2008-07-08-why-sunday
Raz says
July 9, 2008 at 2:36 pmI’d never thought about that before…
Surely the TomKat heights are more the other way around? Maybe Tom has taken to hanging out with Suri these days, and rejected Katie because she refused to squat a little bit every time photographers came by. You know what? If I was Katie Holmes, I’d just buy my husband some stilts.
Foolery says
July 9, 2008 at 3:11 pmI think Suri is Oprah’s baby.
And when did Nicole Kidman get together with that Achy-Brachiating father of Hannah Montana, or am I just WAY out of the loop?
Just dun’t pay to git up some days.
Ree (the Other one) says
July 9, 2008 at 3:17 pmI just want to know if she’s wearing black panties under that dress in the picture with Keith Urban? I swear you can see through them.
Say What? says
July 9, 2008 at 3:21 pmMy understanding was that Nic had a miscarriage or two while she and Tom were still “in love.” Then they adopted Isabelle and Connor. Then she had another miscarriage and they got divorced. I am a little fuzzy on whether the miscarriage a) caused the divorce b) was caused by the divorce c) had nothing to do with the divorce or d) had nothing to do with anything at all because it wasn’t Tom’s.
So anyway, we move on and now Tom is the father of 3 children and Nic is the mother of 3 children – each of whom have one that could be said to have an unusual name and that child would be the biological child. Hopefully, all the children will grow up happy and healthy.
natalie says
July 9, 2008 at 3:34 pmi don’t know…this is a good question you pose…i wonder the same thing.
oh…we’re sharing secrets at my blog! come join us!
Sewmouse says
July 9, 2008 at 3:37 pmI’m an adopted kid. Um… I was a kid, now I’m a big people. Anywho…
My mom and dad weren’t publicity seekers who had a publicist call up the media to let them know they had fertility issues, they didn’t act all noble and sacrificing and “honorable” and contact the media to let them know when my brother and I were adopted.
These Hollyweird types like to flaunt their “goodness” to the world – they disgust and nauseate me, and their hipocritical posturing should in no way be considered “typical” of any other parents, bio or adopted. The adoptive moms who’ve taken offense need to chill a bit.
Us “kids” know who our PARENTS are.
Melissa says
July 9, 2008 at 3:47 pmAs someone who is infertile and exploring the adoption route, I was NOT offended by Bossy. In fact, I’ve been wondering the same thing. I’m on the conspiracy boat – fake pregnancy for Nicole and prior boyfriend pregnacy for Kat(i)e. Thanks for putting out there what we’ve all been wondering, Bossy!
lizneust says
July 9, 2008 at 3:48 pmI know that Nicole had a miscarriage right around the time Tom asked for a divorce, and I’ve also heard the rumor that there was a miscarriage early in the marriage. So I think they were able to get pregnant, but it may be that Nicole had problems staying pregnant. (Not that I would know anything about this…spontaneous aborter, who? what?) Adoption is a wonderful option even if you can have biological kids, but if you can’t or it is heartbreaking to try, it’s easy to see why people might go that route.
That said, Suri is TOTALLY Xenu’s kid…
mrsb says
July 9, 2008 at 3:53 pmThree words:
Frozen alien sperm.
mrsb says
July 9, 2008 at 3:53 pmThree words:
Frozen alien sperm.
Les~ says
July 9, 2008 at 3:56 pmI actually wondered that same thing when it came out that Nicole was pregnant. I thought it was due to HER infertility that she and Tom adopted. And really? Tom’s baby looks 100% like Katie, so who knows if he’s the baby daddy??!!
Deb on the Rocks says
July 9, 2008 at 3:57 pmI’m stuck on the math. So is the right answer to the problem of 1+1 = 8? Or 9, because we count L.Ron Hubbard?
Susan says
July 9, 2008 at 4:22 pmMaybe all of Tom’s couch-jumping rattled some sperm loose?
Sarah says
July 9, 2008 at 4:27 pmAre you ready for the truth Bossy. I have a friend who is in the biz, this is what she says. Tom is gay, but he is too popular with the female audience to have that be public so his marriages are arranged. He was dating Nicole’s brother, that is why he was “married” to Nicole. They didn’t have kids because they were not doing the duty. Tom and Nic’s bro split up and so does the “marriage”, that is why it was so sudden looking. Tom’s people go looking for the next wife and apparently they approached a few people before Katie, but there were no takers. Katie signs on, literally, there is a contract! Tom makes a mistake with the Brook Shields thing, and looses a huge chunk of his female audience. Sooo now he has to become lovable again, enter Suri. She was conceived by artificial insemination.
There you go.
surcie says
July 9, 2008 at 4:40 pmI don’t know if anyone suggested this already bcuz I’m reading via palm pilot, which is torture. but I think this is the answer: nicole never became a scientolobot. bots only reproduce with other bots.
and anon adoptive mom needs a drink!
heidi says
July 9, 2008 at 4:42 pmthe laws of logic don’t apply in the realm of scientology. OR, the baby wasn’t in the first contract, & required in the second.
The Great Getzby says
July 9, 2008 at 4:53 pmApparently, Bossy, you haven’t read L. Ron Hubbard’s lesser-known work: “Battlefield Semen.” Humankind finds fertility after unleashing ludicrity about prescription drugs…
It’s one hell of a read.
Cactus Petunia says
July 9, 2008 at 4:59 pmWho even cares? I’m just thankful that Bossy cast Tom as a headless doll…that creepy grin of his just weirds me out!
And Nicole…don’t get me started on her evil grin!
anne nahm says
July 9, 2008 at 5:09 pmWasn’t Katie dating Chris Klein before she met Tom Cruise? He looks a lot like Suri as well.
I hear that is why they wouldn’t let Suri get photographed for so long: They had to fudge her birth date by a couple of months to make the Chris-Katie-Tom time line work.
Sarah says
July 9, 2008 at 5:19 pmThat’s because it’s not really Tom’s kid. Suri was fathered by Katie’s Ex: Chris Klein. She kinda even looks a little like him.
Katy says
July 9, 2008 at 5:24 pmI thought Katie’s uterus was now to host a bunch of L. Ron Hubbard’s harvested spawn. I wonder if they’ll keep trying til they get the perfect alien…
Katy
http://mynutvillage.com/
cagey says
July 9, 2008 at 6:30 pmI am a firm believer that this was one case in which the co-mingling of genetic material was not necessarily such a stellar idea. Mother Nature be a wise bitch, sometimes.
dgm says
July 9, 2008 at 6:36 pmAnd let’s not forget Tom’s first marriage to Mimi Rogers; rumor was that they split because TC insisted on remaining celibate.
How ’bout THAT?
Prof. J. says
July 9, 2008 at 7:02 pmI love you so.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
July 9, 2008 at 7:08 pmThis is such an easy question to answer, and it involves Saturn.
Clearly, neither Tom nor Nicole drove Saturns when they were together. ‘Cause I remember when Bossy got pregnant by a Saturn.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
July 9, 2008 at 7:27 pmThis is such an easy question to answer and it involves Saturn.
Neither Nicole nor Tom drove a Saturn. I remember when Bossy got pregnant by a Saturn.
Cathy C says
July 9, 2008 at 7:27 pmThat is very funny as it is obvious that there fundamental differences played out in many ways…Their “peoples” just could not play well in the sand”box” together. Hence no kids and no more marriage.
Madness says
July 9, 2008 at 8:07 pmHow does Bossy know they adopted because of infertility? .. because thats what Bossy *and the REST OF THE FREE WORLD* read in the media for YEARS.
So settle down Adoptive Mom.
Love,
Madness, an Adopted Daughter.
Madness says
July 9, 2008 at 8:13 pmoh.. and Chesapeake Bay Womans comment was HIL to the LARIOUS! Oh yeah.
Stephanie says
July 9, 2008 at 8:13 pmIsn’t it obvious? Suri is the product of a secret paternal source. Hence the 3-month window…before her “reveal.”
I suspect batman.
Stephanie says
July 9, 2008 at 8:16 pmOr maybe she came from the creek…you know? Dawson’s?
Swistle says
July 9, 2008 at 8:18 pmI had read, too, that infertility (the miscarriage type, not the failure-to-conceive type) was their reason for adopting. My feeling is that there is indeed a fishy, never-to-be-revealed understory here somewhere, and I think it might be TWO understories: Tom infertile and using a family member’s sperm; Nicole not wanting to wreck her body and wearing a fake belly.
But I would like to specifically point out that I am talking ONLY for fun and ONLY about weird celebrities, and not for reals or about the adoptive/non-adoptive/infertile/fertile community at large or what THEIR motivations/situations might or might not be or have been. Geez, there were some touchy comments up there!
Reese says
July 9, 2008 at 9:04 pmHeeey! Weird.
And very interesting.
MommyTime says
July 9, 2008 at 9:16 pmWhile if it were me, I’d be claiming infertility too, just to get Creepy Tom away from me at night, she DID marry the dude so presumably liked him. I think he was just too lame for her.
My $2 million question, though, is WHO is LOVING those first two kids right now? Because I see all this “lalalala look little Suri is walking!” and “tralalalalee I live in Nashville now!” and those two older ones? No one ever hears word one about them! It saddens me on their behalf.
meleah rebeccah says
July 9, 2008 at 10:17 pmwow. How did I miss that?
Texan Mama says
July 9, 2008 at 10:24 pmI think maybe the reason Tom & Nicole split was that he couldn’t figure out a way to get the turkey baster with Hubbard’s sperm into her without her finding out and pulling a psycho number on him. Maybe she just couldn’t be convinced so Tom thought, “Hmmm for wifey #3 I will try younger and more naive. Maybe someone who is not as big of a star as me…” Enter Katie Holmes. Oh and no worries about her star power outshining his if she keeps up with Mad Money-type flicks. So I guess Baby Hubbard/Holmes/Cruise will be on its way soon.
Karen (Submommy) says
July 9, 2008 at 11:21 pmI’ve asked myself this question frequently. I have a feeling somebody’s hiding a turkey baster under the bed.
Or something else under the bed.
Make that SOMEONE else under the bed.
Optimist says
July 10, 2008 at 12:12 amTom has obviously healed his own infertility! Praise Zenu!!
Optimist says
July 10, 2008 at 12:19 amoops, I meant Hail Xenu!!!
amy says
July 10, 2008 at 12:36 amDitto. And Ditto…
“I just read recently, and I’m not ashamed to admit I read celebrity tabloids, that Nicole had a miscarriage early in her marriage to Tom and that they decided to adopt as a result.
(Well maybe I’m a little ashamed to know this.)”
diesel says
July 10, 2008 at 1:45 amI don’t see where a baby would fit in Nicole Kidman.
VDog says
July 10, 2008 at 1:56 amTotally ponderable.
And I’m pondering…are you still taking photos?? Cuz I totally slacked on that one. Oops.
xoxoxoxo,
yo crackah
biddy says
July 10, 2008 at 2:05 amwow. i am still stunned at the “mind her own business” comment. srsly?!
ok, anyway…
i’m pretty sure suri is just a wax robotic doll. and tom is infertile due to an early childhood freak couch jumping accident.
or maybe i’ve had too much wine.
JCK says
July 10, 2008 at 3:02 amAs someone who has slept with Tom…not really. But, as for the infertility thing, you can have 2 people be infertile together, but not necessarily with another partner. Sad, but true.
Hula Hank says
July 10, 2008 at 3:42 amI was just talking to the man about this last night. I found it very odd and very revealing of an obvious cover-up which I cannot mention for fear of being sued for $100 million!
Elena says
July 10, 2008 at 7:16 amMan, I hate Tom Cruise, but I love reproductive biology, so to give all involved the benefit of the doubt: sometimes sperm and eggs are just genetically incompatible. But when paired with different eggs or sperm, they might be compatible enough for baby-making!
tj says
July 10, 2008 at 9:48 am…Cruise’s spawn? I’ll pass and so did Nicole Kidman… ;o)
…Always love Bossy’s “Winfrey Be Cruise’n Show”! And I’m sure if Tom visits Bossy’s site he loves the fact that Katie is smaller than he…lol…
…Blessings… :o)
veep veep says
July 10, 2008 at 10:18 amIn a previous life, I used to type up contracts for celebrities who bought their wives… where they had to stay married for X years to receive Y dollars and they’d receive Z more dollars if they had between 1-5 kids (sliding scale).
And then there were the celebrities who were not really supposed to be seen with a member of the same sex alone having a romantical dinner so they got “married” and either adopted, had kids or pretended to be pregnant… until they could quietly adopt a kid from outside the US.
Ahhhh Hollywood…
davido says
July 10, 2008 at 11:55 amUh yeah, what she said.
I don’t know how any celebs can function at all, what with all the photographers and “journalists” trying to get a piece of them. Like.. “Honey, I feel like there’s someone peeking through our bedroom window with one of those ultra-telephoto lenses or something.” If you were most people, they would think you’re nuts, but if you were Tom/Nicole/Katie/Keith, they might also think you’re nuts (OK, Tom at least), but also yeah, there are probably peeping photographers outside your window too…
So the answer is: d) all of the above.
Mr Farty says
July 10, 2008 at 12:05 pmMagic beans. That is all.
Krista says
July 10, 2008 at 12:38 pmA very good question indeed…
candygirlflies says
July 10, 2008 at 12:52 pmI’m with Inspector Tracy on this one. Pill under the floorboards. Definitely.
Hell, who in their right mind wouldn’t?? And Nicole Kidman, too.
xoxo CGF
Kelly says
July 10, 2008 at 1:29 pmAm I the only one slightly annoyed with men who have their hair highlighted? Save the streaks for the ladies, Urban!
Luann says
July 10, 2008 at 1:39 pmSperm Allergy. True condition.
Jen says
July 10, 2008 at 3:25 pmThis is such a funny post. I love all the comments too. At first I thought both pregnancies were fake, but I’ve since reconsidered after seeing Suri. She looks just like Tom/Katie. We’ll have to wait and see with Sunday. What a strange name. Why must celebrities choose such odd names?
Love the doll pic, but Tom is waaaayyyy too tall for Katie.
Do you think Cusack will ever have kids?
ms ellie says
July 10, 2008 at 3:35 pmBossy, I swanney your readers are the smartest, funniest, most informed group EH-VAH.
I am laughing my — off. Who needs the National Enquirer?
Dani says
July 10, 2008 at 6:46 pmI always assumed “infertility” was a euphemism for “Tom is gay”. I guess Katie has a type of boyish charm.
junebug says
July 10, 2008 at 8:04 pmJust another thought: Doesn’t Keith Urban look a lot like John Ritter in that picture?
junebug says
July 10, 2008 at 8:08 pmDidn’t Tom and Nicole’s divorce have something to do with that last movie they made, “Eyes Wide Shut”? Something sinister? Just wondering…
magpie says
July 10, 2008 at 11:15 pmbut who said that tom actually impregnated katie?
Secola says
July 11, 2008 at 1:32 pmLMAO TomKat & Oprah family photo!
Secola says
July 11, 2008 at 1:32 pmLMAO TomKat & Oprah family photo!
Secola says
July 11, 2008 at 1:32 pmLMAO TomKat & Oprah family photo!
Deb (Missives From Suburbia) says
July 11, 2008 at 2:41 pmNevermind the Lost City of Atlantis (you have to capitalize that, right? I think so). This is the greatest mystery of the world.
Christine says
July 11, 2008 at 8:49 pmI think the relative sizes of the Barbie Tom and Kate refer to their inherent power structure, not their actual stature.
I knew that Comp Lit degree would come in handy someday!
Freida Bee says
July 12, 2008 at 11:45 amI sure do hope that Bossy will be safe despite having exposed one of the largest conspiracy theories of our time.
Cathi says
July 12, 2008 at 2:32 pmdidn’t read all the comments, so i don’t know if this was brought up at all, but the sleuths have to bring tom’s first wife, mimi rogers into the picture – no kids for them either, and then, a child for mimi supposedly soon after – too lazy to look it up – i’ll leave that to the sleuths.
;)cathi
Veronica says
July 12, 2008 at 7:38 pmHave to mention that Nicole was indeed seen over here (Oz) looking heavily pregnant and sick.
She just must have avoided the international photographers.
And I think Katie is hiding a boyfriend in her closet.
Jen says
July 13, 2008 at 10:27 amI was under the impression Tom and Nicole didn’t reproduce because of impotence, not infertility.
Helen Madden says
July 13, 2008 at 4:40 pmNot trying to be a pain in the butt, but…
Having been through infertility treatments for four years with my husband, sometimes a particular couple can’t make it work. But if those two people were to break up and have sex with other folks, then they might have a better chance. It has something to do with chemical compatibility.
Or maybe Nicole really is made of wax and Tom only shoots blanks. Who knows?
Miz Booshay says
July 14, 2008 at 12:01 amI would love to know the truth.
I happen to think the baby-daddy is Chris Klein.
But what do I know. Nada.
Nora Bee says
July 15, 2008 at 1:15 amBossy, again you have climbed in my mind and asked the question i was thinking out loud.
Mari says
July 15, 2008 at 3:53 amI remember hearing when they were married that Nicole Kidman didn’t want to ruin her figure by having children. This caused me to instantly dislike her since I have aunts and uncles that had trouble having kids and adopted.
the new girl says
July 15, 2008 at 10:47 amDude.
There’s TOTALLY a Tom Cruise ad on the side of this post. I didn’t read through all the bazillion comments, so I don’t know if someone else said it, but it’s making me laugh so, so hard.
Hilarious.
ann says
July 15, 2008 at 4:30 pmBAH infertility – there was some kind of intervention somewhere. Also, Nicole has stated openly that her skin is so …..smooth? – due to her total good care, lack of sun, and never smoking – Malleable reality is Nicole’s world. Also my mother’s.
lorrie says
July 20, 2008 at 12:22 amI know somebody who had an ex-nanny for Tom & Nicole in her class and the ex-nanny said that Tom and Nicole had separate bedrooms and living areas in their Pacific Palisades home.