Does anyone remember clear back to September when Bossy didn’t know what a vivanno was, and she held smoothies in the same esteem reserved for things like toe hairs, and she recognized ice cubes as those items she fished out of her nightly gin and tonic?
No, Bossy doesn’t remember either.
Anyway. Bossy is on a budget—which she will tell you all about
when hell freezes over in a day or two when she launches her new blog design—but in the meantime: Bossy learned how to approximate the Orange Mango Banana Vivanno at home, using a blender with one hundred speeds, all of them
Shall we begin?
First Bossy drops a whole banana into her blender and adds some orange juice and 1% milk:
Then Bossy ads a few heaping tablespoons of nonfat plain yogurt:
Now it’s time for a sprinkling of flax seed:
And a shake or two of wheat germ:
That’s a drum roll you hear, because now it’s time for a spoonful of Bossy’s
very secret, very proprietary fiber:
Next Bossy adds a cup or two of frozen mango chunks and a cup of ice cubes:
Then you blend, although Bossy likes to leave her ice cubes partially chunky. Pour into a tall glass with a straw and serve!
For a month, Bossy has been drinking these healthy, low-fat shakes in the place of dessert! And occasionally Bossy has even enjoyed one of these shakes in the place of a meal!
And the low-fat result?
Bossy hasn’t weighed this much since she delivered her second baby.
kris saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:18 am
Corpse hand alert!
God, you are a f*cking genius.
Domestic Extraordinaire saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:20 am
Well Bossy I am sorry to hear that you love them too much. I am curious and may try this at home. I already weigh near what I did after the 2nd baby, so I am safe right?
Gayle saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:21 am
Wow, I don’t think Pioneer Woman has ever used Metamucil in any of her recipes!
Blue Lady saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:22 am
When I get in from a run, I sometimes drink a big glass of Metamucil. Mm, refreshing.
Cathy D. saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:26 am
Is it really kind of green, or is that my monitor?
junebug saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:30 am
I have the bananas and the metamucil and the wheat germ and orange juice and ice cubes but I do not have any mangos today. Or plain yogurt. But I do have some blackberry harvest yogurt, would that work? Hmmm….must try this. Thanks.
Avitable saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:30 am
Nonfat usually means high carb.
Jarrard saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:40 am
Yeah – I started taking fiber a month ago…. I just hit maximum capacity as far as my weight goes.
How come things like this never work for me, but my sister in law has dropped about 20 pounds from taking fiber more regularly (no pun intended)?
This drink looks fantastic. I shall have to try it!
MommyTime saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:43 am
Bwahahahah! I’m not laughing at Bossy, but with her. This is precisely how diets at my house work. I’ve been exercising like crazy all summer. Net result? Gained two pounds.
I would say that eating these for breakfast, with a bit of added protein (like an egg) would be good. But adding them for dessert after a meal is adding another 500 cals to your day. Unfortunately low fat doesn’t equal low calorie. *sigh* How pathetic is it that I know that?
Jen saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:46 am
A Metamucil shake, hmmmm. But I do love mangos.
William saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:48 am
We use ground flax seed for ours. The whole seeds get caught in the straw sometimes which then requires extra sucking.
janet saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:53 am
Do you realize how many CALORIES are in that drink? Contrary to popular opinion, adding healthy flax seed and wheat germ DOES NOT reduce the number of calories. Would you sit down for an afternoon snack and eat a banana, 2 mangos, a glass of milk, and a yogurt? That’s more than a meal! It’s not fair how we tend to confuse “healthy” with “no calories”.
vuboq saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:57 am
And if you add VODKA you have smoothie/dinner/dessert AND Chef’s Little Helper all in one!
Tootsie Farklepants saysOctober 1, 2008 at 9:57 am
Believe Tootsie, it is the yogurt. So many carbs. Tootsie gained 5 pounds when she was being healthy and eating a bowl of non fat yogurt sprinkled with granola and bananas every day.
clickmom saysOctober 1, 2008 at 10:05 am
You totally lost me at the metamucil. Can’t make that leap.
catnip saysOctober 1, 2008 at 10:18 am
I didn’t expect that last line. Thanks for the laugh!
KD @ A Bit Squirrelly saysOctober 1, 2008 at 10:30 am
My aunt tried to talk me into getting some protein shake crap…I’ll just stick to coffee and creamer…
Rhea saysOctober 1, 2008 at 10:39 am
I love the alternate title of the first photo. Your smoothie tutorial rocked.
Bean saysOctober 1, 2008 at 10:39 am
I add flax seeds and wheat germ to my smoothies, too. Also, to PB&Js and waffles with peanut butter & honey; I sprinkle them both on top.
My smoothies consist of:
1 or 2 bananas
ground flax seed
almond slices (OR)
natural peanut butter
Little Miss Sunshine State saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:00 am
Wheat germ sends shivers down my spine and straight into my colon.
I had a drink like that recently. It was OJ, Bacardi O, Mango Sherbet and ice in the blender. Not one grain of wheat germ or flax seed. VERY yummy.
Laurel saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:01 am
I’ve been a lurker, but I thought I’d let you know that I enjoy your blog. I like comments, so I figured so do you. I decided to get off my lurking ass and leave you a comment.
The smoothies look yummie! I would do it, but I hate to clean up the mess! I’m domestic like that.
Pamela saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:04 am
Is this Metamucil smoothie part of Bossy’s preparation for future induction into the Old Folk’s Home? Say it ain’t so, Bossy!
corrie saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:11 am
I love how your blender has many speeds…all fooking fast!
I read this while eating my breakfast of plain, nonfat yogurt and meusli with flaxseed meal, so none of your ingredients were too scary for me. Although, meusli is my metamucil apparently.
Thanks for a really fun post!
P.S. I love the flower arrangement on the table in yesterday’s post…. the vase shape, the flowers, everything!
terri saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:16 am
you don’t even know how much i love your blog. suuuhriously…
JK saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:17 am
howsabout adding metamucil to the evening gin & tonic & calling it a day?
Jacqui saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:45 am
That’s awesome! I did something similar trying to make my own iced cappuccinos at home (to resemble Tim Horton’s). I used cold brewed coffee and was supposed to use less sugar and skim milk. BUT>>> they taste so good with lots of sugar and Whole milk and for an extra kick some hazelnut coffee creamer too. A low fat alternative they were NOT.
Michelle saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:46 am
The color of that mixture looks a bit terrifying.
And yes, yes, I thought the banana was quite phallic. Only because I haven’t gotten any in over a month.
All Adither saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:49 am
Can you show me how to make a chocolate brownie frap next?
Cheri @ Blog This Mom! saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:51 am
I feel a poop coming on just looking at it. In a good way.
golden saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:53 am
Love me some Vivi!
And did you know that whey (milk protein) is actually protein powder, not fiber powder like metamucil?
MamaMo saysOctober 1, 2008 at 11:59 am
I agree… definitely a BREAKFAST shake ONLY!
Yvonne nc saysOctober 1, 2008 at 12:09 pm
You really do need to ground them flax seeds. If not they ain’t helping, your body can’t break down the shell. Grind some up and store them in the freezer.
Grandma J saysOctober 1, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Bossy can have my share. It doesn’t have enough visual appeal for me. If it were pink or orange, even purple…but not earth tone.
What time do you break out the gin and tonic?
Linda in Canada saysOctober 1, 2008 at 12:32 pm
Prune yogurt. I am serious. One little container. It WORKS.
Momo Fali saysOctober 1, 2008 at 12:39 pm
I made a blackberry and banana smoothie the other night and my son saw the blackberries in the blender and asked if it was poop.
pam saysOctober 1, 2008 at 1:11 pm
The last sentence killed. Ba dum bump…
Jodi aka soNOTcool saysOctober 1, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Thanks for reminding me that I bought a new package of ground flax seed the other day. I used it for two days, and then forgot.
Off to get that and peanut butter right now.
annie saysOctober 1, 2008 at 1:29 pm
Do you mean before the baby came out, or immediately after? Because either way, I was a big fat-ass until at least 6 months after having the baby. So I think I’ll stick with ice cream. It comes “ready made” and all.
dexter saysOctober 1, 2008 at 1:32 pm
Not to change the subject, but does Bossy have a cure for the common cold? I am getting my ass kicked like never before. Somebody suggested dumping mucilex down my pants, but it didnt do anything but itch.
Shelly saysOctober 1, 2008 at 1:47 pm
The blender is not the only thing that smoothie will go through fooking fast!
A very poopular recipe indeed.
jenive saysOctober 1, 2008 at 2:54 pm
Be careful Bossy, or you will end up like me. On both a DIET and a BUDGET. That is not nearly as sexy as it sounds.
Julianne saysOctober 1, 2008 at 3:04 pm
I love your secret ingredient – metamucil
Mr Farty saysOctober 1, 2008 at 3:40 pm
What the fook is Metamucil? Never mind, I’ll look it up on the google…love me a good smoothie. Smoothy? Meh.
Melanie @ MelADramatic Mommy saysOctober 1, 2008 at 3:50 pm
I tried re-creating the breakfast meals from Jamba Juice. Didn’t work. I put flax seed oil in mine ’cause Dr. Oz told me to.
tj saysOctober 1, 2008 at 4:02 pm
…I wanna know if when you are writing and assembling a post for us much like this one, do you laugh out loud and say to yourself, “oh, they’re gonna love this!”…lol… Seriously, do you? ‘Cause I’m dyin’ laughin’ over here…lol… First the “fooking fast” remark, then the “or are you just happy to see me” line, then the “corpse hand alert”…(LOL!*snort*) :oD
…Enjoy your smoothie and I do think it needs a lil’ extra, you know, a lil’ oomph…say maybe a lil’ vodka? Hmmm?(said like the Church Lady on SNL)… ;o)
Clayjack saysOctober 1, 2008 at 5:21 pm
Bossy, this is like seven scrolls down, so you’ll probably never read it, but I read in several places that for the flax seed to be of any value, it needs to be ground up before it’s used. Otherwise it just comes out the other end looking like it did going in.
I use a pepper mill.
HeyJoe saysOctober 1, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Christ, a Metamucil milkshake. You KNOW you’re getting old.
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysOctober 1, 2008 at 5:42 pm
It is not possible for me to leave any comment other than this:
1. I nearly spit my wine out reading this and
2. You are absolutely, positively, 100%, down-right hilarious.
p.s. Thank you
Juliette saysOctober 1, 2008 at 5:45 pm
How about one of those yogurts with the extra probiotics (READ SCRUBBING BUBBLES) for desert instead?
Ree (the Other one) saysOctober 1, 2008 at 6:05 pm
I am, as usual, in awe of Bossy’s ability to sprinkle flax seed, shake wheat germ, (who would add germs to their healthy type shake anyway?), and spoon fiber while taking pictures.
I know the Other Ree would probably fall into the fooking fast blender and be metamutilated.