You are looking at Bossy’s BJ’s Wholesale Club membership card, and first can we all agree that this is the worst identification photo you’ve ever seen?
Bossy’s history with BJ’s goes back to the year 2000, when her beloved British neighbors would brag about the enormous whole salmon filets they purchased for only $10.99. The enormous whole salmon filets that came two to a package, but that didn’t stop the salmon from being located next to the Radial Tires.
A couple of years later, Bossy lost her heart during a trial membership when she discovered BJ’s sold the best assorted italian olives she had ever eaten. And those olives came in a fishbowl for only $4.99.
Bossy could never take full advantage of BJ’s because she doesn’t have the storage space for buying in bulk– but during her twice-a-month visits to the store, Bossy would purchase olive oil and crackers and a certain eye cream and cereal and brownie mix and balsamic vinegar and a certain brand of paper towels and cheese and a fishing net’s worth of garlic, and if Bossy had the time to repackage into handleable serving sizes: meat and chicken, and even fish.
Bossy and her husband never purchased electronics at BJ’s or used their photo developing services or dug around in the mountain of cotton t-shirts available in every color, but occasionally Bossy would treat herself to a bouquet of long stem roses, 24 for $9.99.
But BJ’s became less convenient, and then Trader Joe’s opened nearby which offers similar prices for quality food. Which made sense to Bossy since she could never get a handle on her BJs savings when she tried to factor-in the membership fee, because we all know Bossy is a genius at math.
And so a few months ago, Bossy went to BJ’s and was told that her membership had expired. At the time she chose not to renew, but Bossy still thinks about certain deals there, and she still wonders if it’s worth the $45 membership fee.
Opinions? Bossy needs you. Especially since she’s craving olives, and no— not in this way.
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