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i am bossy

Oyvey. Bossy Is Not Talking About Thanksgiving Anymore Because She Is Still Digesting.

hat-Target

Instead Bossy wants to talk about this: her newly purchased hat, $9.99.
The reason Bossy purchased this hat in the middle of her moratorium on spending is because she recently experienced yet another hair disaster,
not unlike this hair disaster— and Bossy apologizes in advance because she knows how boring it is to read about her hair disasters and you’re usually all, “It’s not that bad — striped hair that looks as though it has its period is totally in,”– but Bossy really means it that this time: Bossy is putting the Ass in Disaster.

And just to show you how evolved Bossy has become, this latest hair disaster took place all the way back in mid October and she never even mentioned it, and yes, maybe it’s because she paid to have her hair highlighted right in the middle of her Poverty Party.

Anyway. Here’s what happened:

At the end of October, Bossy returned to the same hair salon now famous for creating country singers out of bloggers. And the reason Bossy went back to that salon is because although her highlights were too white at first, they relaxed over time, where over time equals the week Bossy didn’t wash her hair because she was camping.

So, Bossy went back to that salon, OK? And she requested the same stylist and that stylist said, no worries, because the stylist had created an index card on Bossy which detailed the process and formulas she previously used so it could be repeated.

index-card

The minute Bossy left the hair salon she knew she was in big trouble. The following photo was taken this morning and shall be known as Six Weeks Later And She Is Still In Big Trouble:

hair-disaster

There are two things Bossy wants to point out about this photo.

  1. These are not real highlights. They are clumps of light, high.
  2. It is 1 p.m. and Bossy is still wearing her pajamas.
  3. That’s a blanket draped over Bossy’s shoulders. Blame this.
  4. Bossy has way more than two things to say about this photo.
  5. Bossy defies you to locate even a strand of her signature curl because there is no signature curl after a peroxide bomb explodes on the top of your head.

Which is why Bossy stood, on Black Friday, purchasing a hat for $9.99, which she will now affix to the top of her skull, preferably with a hot glue gun. She may even remove the tag.

hat-front

Coming to a holiday party near you!

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. This is exactly why I only go near the hair salon once every 8 weeks or so to get my layers trimmed.

    I don’t care if every single hair on my head is getting grey. I’m not letting anyone do any more Science Fair Organic Chemistry Projects on my head.

    Reply

  3. I had to leave my stylist after she did that to me. I had my hair. And on top was a lot of brittle white hair. I was very, very sad for a very long time.

    Reply

  4. Ok. I have oft done many a bad thing to my hairs. Home dyeing, once I shaved it, and we won’t even mention the time I accidentally turned it sky blue. So, my advice to you is a gay man. Yes, this comes out very politically incorrect but in all of my years of having hairs, the gay men have done the absolute color best. Hands down. I know there are many many talented female hair stylists, regardless of sexual orientation but my experience has been the amazing best with the gay male stylist. Good luck. Please don’t go back to that bleach happy woman.

    Reply

  6. I’m growing out my own very similar hair disaster. You should come visit and we can go together to VUBOQs color-matrix.

    And I meant that to sound friendly, not kinky, btw.

    xoxo, SG

    Reply

  7. I have to agree with the gay male stylist recommendation. Please research this option. Maybe one of bossy’s gays can help….

    Reply

  8. Another teki-is-right fan: gay man. I found one in the middle of the bible-belt-that-is-OK and he rocks. If I can find one removed from the real world where I am, so can Bossy. Good luck babe

    Reply

  9. I totally sympathize with you and all the women out there that try to save money by skimping on themselves. My long, thick, quite nice red hair was getting unmanageable and I went to one of those cheap chains for a SIMPLE BOB. Just to get me through the holidays. Tomorrow I am having a scrunchie surgically attached so I don’t have to see these layers until Juy.

    Reply

  12. Ah. I remember hair salons. Lots of money spent. Lots of eager anticipation mixed with dread. Lots of disappointment. From my city recollections, go with advice from comment #4. So true.

    Or…. you could just do a “bush babe” and make the visit an ANNUAL event. Of course, being blonde is a bit of a drawback. Being brunette I can just do my own roots (so to speak) at home and gradually go black and all Morticia-like for a few months, then make some kid-free time to brave the local hairdresser to undo the layers of pigment. I too have ended up with stripes. Ludicrous. What am I? A bloddy tigress? Don’t answer that.

    So, brunette Bossy??
    🙂
    BB

    Reply

  15. Come to MN, and I’ll hook you up with the World’s Greatest Hairstylist. She’ll give you the prettiest partial foil and cut for under $70 total. No lie. Doesn’t that fit in with the Poverty Party?

    Reply

  17. bossy, I did not meet you until you were on your road trip.
    I know you really need a driver to continue your adventure.
    and I am available. we shold do a criss cross otherwise trip to meet other bossy fans. and of course landing somewhere in time at the pdub ranch to highlight the ranchelor. hmm

    Reply

  19. MAYBE this means bossy needs NOT to get HI or LOW lites in the do anymore. Go au natural..Im sportin the dirty dishwater mousey greyblonde lites, its workin great for me. Specially with a cap. However unsophisticated it is. Its the sign of the poverty times around here. (I can hardly stand it)

    Reply

  20. My solution get an all over color for 7 bucks, visit my sister to have her do it… oh and YOU don’t have to drive 268 mile, you can walk 269 ft! Or go pink…. it’s the new blonde!
    Peace!……(ps did you see barack oboyfriend and president Michele on Barbara W’s? AWESOME!)

    Reply

  21. In college I let my friend do that to me with Jolene mustache bleach. I let it grow for a couple of months and then ended up getting a very sexy crew cut to put myself out of the straw hair misery.

    Reply

  22. I’m with bossy’s friend martha’s sister (I think)…for another nine bucks bossy could have a box of all-over hair color. Her lows would stay low and her highs would stay high, but bossy would not have to deal with all that WHITE.

    Reply

  24. I am right there with Bossy as it relates to saving money and trying not to spend so muchon things as trivial as hair, which mostly just falls off and swirls down the drain, or grows with wanton abandon in places we do not wish, BUT the older we get, the more precious it is (the hair on the head, that is).

    It took me many, many, oh so many trips to the Hair Cuttery, the Wal-Mutant salon, the “I want to make your hair menstruate” beautician to finally realize that if I have to eat Ramen noodles for a month or so to pay for a decent hair cut, I must do that. It goes against my grain, but I find it is worth it in the long run.

    Bossy needs to find her New York Italian boyfriend and put him on retainer.

    The End.

    (p.s. not that there’s anything wrong with Bossy’s hair. But if Bossy is not happy, ain’t nobody happy.)

    Reply

  27. Oh, Bossy,

    Go buy some warm-toned semi-perm hair color at the drugstore ($9!). It will wash out after 20+ shampoos, so if you hate it, you can rinse rinse rinse.

    Also? Do NOT go back to her again. No, no, no. And maybe you need to let it grow out (with the cover color! that you do yourself! that will noncommitally wash out!) because the white parts have no pigment left.

    Also also? It looks just fine from here. But you can make it look the way you like, I think, with much less misery and many fewer dollars.

    Reply

  29. The hair is a masterpiece compared to that hat.

    Sorry to say it but that hat is just flat out offensive.
    I remember Janet Jackson wearing something like that a long time ago.
    Where does one even find something like that.

    It’s hard to tell from that picture but it seems if styled properly your hair would look fine amybe no signature curls.

    But hey work with what you got.

    Reply

  30. Oh Bossy, sorry to say but that really isn’t a very nice cap 🙁
    If you must hide your hair knitted hats are the way to go. There are loads of patterns on the web, they only take a couple of hours to knit up, and probably won’t cost a penny if you have some yarn lying around.

    Reply

  31. Well, not much I can add to these already brillant comments. Yes, to the gay (although my stylist happens to be female and truly a fab colorist), yes to the just go have the entire thing colored to tone down the white a bit and even up the rest.

    But mostly I worry about your hair, as in, all this processing is not good for it. You are blessed with those sexy bed head curls, and look at it in those pictures. No longer sexy, just limp and laying around looking, well, tired.

    I still think the best way to find a colorist/stylist is by word of mouth, and head of hair. Who in your circle of acquaintances has fabulous hair, consistently really good color and cut….get their stylists digits.

    Reply

  35. I think the hat is cute.

    But! You know what? With your hair that high, you can get some Manic Panic temporary color – any color you want! And because your hair is very light, the color will take, and will look *awesome*. I dyed purple streaks in mine a couple months ago – I loved it! There was a swatch of purple in front, then all along the ends was purple, too. I only wished it lasted a little longer!
    http://www.manicpanic.com/creamswatch.htm

    Reply

  36. Bossy, you have been having hair disasters as long as I’ve known you! Smarten up, and go natural! Nothing is more beautiful, no matter what the color. I get a haircut once every two years, and dontate the 12″ to Wigs for Kids. Can’t beat the $aving$!

    Reply

  37. Oy!I feel for ya, Miss Bossy…I have white highlights, too. Salt and Pepper au naturel highlights, you might say, and I don’t have an index card for the formula. If it makes you feel any better, it’s 12:17 here and I’m still in my pj’s with two big dogs pestering me to go for a walk. If I put on a raincoat and boots, maybe nobody will notice what a slacker I am.

    Reply

  38. My neice works in a gorgeous, for rich people only salon in Center City. I can hook you up….and you wont even have to prostitute yourself out. I am her Godmother, she loves me…..well she did last time I ask….good times and great deals run in our family :).

    oh and the hat???? Jesus, your hair has to be bad for you to buy such a thing.

    peace
    #2

    Reply

  42. i’m starting to think, even with the poverty party going on, Bossy would be better off flying to texas to visit Biddy’s awesome hair stylist of awesomeness. she’s so amazing, Biddy’s mother and grandmother would travel out of town (like 4 hours) just to have her do their hair!

    Reply

  43. I thought I could see some of the natural wave in your hair. It isn’t ALL gone….it is just recuperating for a while. Come to Texas and go to Biddy’s hairdresser. Mine is ok, I don’t have to do color..well, yet. You are causing me some real qualms about blonde though. My daughter is a “blonde”, and has no problems with her color.

    It grows fast, right? Like the hat, though. However, please smile again.

    Reply

  45. I want your hat!
    My hair is white and I have decided to go back to coloring it but since my hair grows so fast my roots will be showing in a week so I really really need your hat!
    The reason I decided that I need to go back to coloring my hair is because I was just accused of being 10 years older than I really am! OUCH!

    Reply

  50. Dearest Bossy,
    Blonde is not necessary for beautiful. I think Bossy is always grand just the way she is! The highlight thing seems to be more trouble than it is ultimately worth. Stop that this instant! If you must, I am in agreement with the gay-man suggestion. (I go to our local AVEDA training school…where it is cheap and they are under the watchful eye of instructors.) come back to Atlanta and I will take you, dear.

    Reply

  51. You know I can so relate to the hair thing. It took me THREE bad foil jobs to finally decide to leave my hairdresser of 10 years.. It was difficult but let me tell you how joyous it was to leave a salon HAPPY. Change can be a good thing.

    Reply

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