Instead Bossy wants to talk about this: her newly purchased hat, $9.99.
The reason Bossy purchased this hat in the middle of her moratorium on spending is because she recently experienced yet another hair disaster,
not unlike this hair disaster— and Bossy apologizes in advance because she knows how boring it is to read about her hair disasters and you’re usually all, “It’s not that bad — striped hair that looks as though it has its period is totally in,”– but Bossy really means it that this time: Bossy is putting the Ass in Disaster.
And just to show you how evolved Bossy has become, this latest hair disaster took place all the way back in mid October and she never even mentioned it, and yes, maybe it’s because she paid to have her hair highlighted right in the middle of her Poverty Party.
Anyway. Here’s what happened:
At the end of October, Bossy returned to the same hair salon now famous for creating country singers out of bloggers. And the reason Bossy went back to that salon is because although her highlights were too white at first, they relaxed over time, where over time equals the week Bossy didn’t wash her hair because she was camping.
So, Bossy went back to that salon, OK? And she requested the same stylist and that stylist said, no worries, because the stylist had created an index card on Bossy which detailed the process and formulas she previously used so it could be repeated.
The minute Bossy left the hair salon she knew she was in big trouble. The following photo was taken this morning and shall be known as Six Weeks Later And She Is Still In Big Trouble:
There are two things Bossy wants to point out about this photo.
- These are not real highlights. They are clumps of light, high.
- It is 1 p.m. and Bossy is still wearing her pajamas.
- That’s a blanket draped over Bossy’s shoulders. Blame this.
- Bossy has way more than two things to say about this photo.
- Bossy defies you to locate even a strand of her signature curl because there is no signature curl after a peroxide bomb explodes on the top of your head.
Which is why Bossy stood, on Black Friday, purchasing a hat for $9.99, which she will now affix to the top of her skull, preferably with a hot glue gun. She may even remove the tag.
Coming to a holiday party near you!