How is it possible that Bossy can be sleepless all night — tossing and turning and finally surrendering to her bedside lamp and book at 3 am — and yet she’s able to fall into a coma between the four-minute intervals of her snooze alarm?
Even more mysterious is the fact that Bossy bothered to wake up today at all, considering she has removed the single pleasure associated with rising in the dark: coffee.
It’s not the coffee itself Bossy feels she must experimentally cut from her routine during a five-day trial known as Operation Glycemic Index. It’s the coffee drowning in half & half.
Mathematically speaking, if Bossy’s coffee mug holds over two cups of liquid, and her half & half accounts for ¼ of the overall volume, then:
In the place of coffee, Bossy will be consuming vegetable broth. She will spare you what this broth looks like swimming in her mug since her husband’s early morning reaction was, “Gah don’t you strain that stuff?”
Bossy will offer this image instead:
It’s not only dairy products Bossy feels the need to temporarily eliminate, but also sugar and gluten and meat and fowl and salt and alcohol. So that leaves broccoli.
You see, Bossy and her mother have been feeling kind of crappy lately, and they both like the idea of pushing the reset button before resuming the holiday hoopla. To this end, Bossy’s mom is moving into Bossy’s house for a few days so they can tend to their dietary restrictions together and slip into parallel catabolic states.
The general plan is to consume broth and juice smoothies for all of their meals for five days, and here is how Bossy prepared for this weeklong cleanse:
Bossy teases! That’s not all she did to prepare for her cleanse! She also ate two pounds of beef liver and a tangle of fried onions.
Stay tuned for updates throughout the week. Be prepared for Bossy to become less and less
inteligible intelligable intelligible. Ibleelllln.