As some of you know, Bossy and her mother began a cleansing diet on Monday in an effort to reset some of their bad habits, such as too much sugar and too much salt and too much gluten and too much dairy and too much food and too much fun.
Bossy’s mother moved into Bossy’s house so they could eat all of the same things at all of the same times while providing moral support. Their general plan was to consume vegetable broth and fruit smoothies for the first two or three days, gradually adding delicious treats for the remainder of the week, like one raw broccoli floret and a tablespoon of chickpeas.
To get started, Bossy prepared the broth that would provide the backbone of their diet, where backbone equals Is it a normal cleansing side effect to feel as though you’ve had a spinal tap?
Here is Bossy’s exact vegetable broth recipe: dump fresh potatoes, carrots, fennel, garlic, spinach, and broccoli into lots and lots of water and cook over a flame until all of the water is evaporated. Curse like you’re getting paid for it, after realizing your flame was too high. Resume cooking vegetables with new water — water that is now pale and tasteless. Cook until there isn’t a nutrient left in the vegetables and they are the consistency of the brain matter Bossy worries may soon slip out of her ear.
Or, cook the vegetables in water over a low flame for a couple of hours. Then strain.
Every morning Bossy and her mom consume a mug of this broth, and then again at lunch. For dinner they enjoy Broth Surprise, which is Surprise we’re still upright!
In addition to the broth, Bossy and her mom pound a fair amount of water which has been lightly flavored with orange, lime, and lemon segments.
And in the early afternoon, Bossy prepares a smoothie made entirely from fresh fruit, utilizing different combinations of banana, mango, strawberries, oranges, grapefruit, and apple.
Neither Bossy or her mother, nor her mother, oh mother please help me, have been experiencing any of the Bathroom Issues that many readers referred to in the comment section. Unless you were talking about peeing, because Bossy and her mother have been peeing up a storm! A Category 4 storm with a warming trend sweeping across the lower regions. Also: windy is a distinct possibility.
To distract Bossy and her mother from their diet cleanse, they have been watching a lot of TV. And it has really worked, they haven’t been thinking about food at all!
For instance they rented The Staircase, a seven-hour documentary about a wealthy journalist, Michael Peterson, who was accused of murdering his wife even though he insisted it was an accidental fall down the stairs.
In the beginning of the movie, Michael Peterson posts his bail and returns to the house where his wife’s death occurred. In extensive interviews with the filmmaker, he details their loving relationship. He details their loving relationship while preparing a cream sauce that drapes over a plate of freshly drained ravioli.
Because it was a second marriage for Michael Peterson and his dead wife, it was a blended family, composed of his, hers, and adopted. One of the most interesting aspects of the movie was watching how the children, now grown, stood by their father. In fact many moved home to support him through his trial. To support him and to make him a basil, tomato, and mozzarella salad—accompanying a pot of ziti.
Like most trials, the lawyers had to endure several defendant disclosures they worried would threaten their case. For instance Mike Peterson turned out to be bisexual, and during the course of his marriage, he had several affairs with men. Mike Peterson openly discussed these affairs with his lawyers. He openly discussed them while drinking a glass of deep red wine filled to the delicious brim.
In the state’s favor, there were also some inconsistencies in the blood splatter patterns. The lawyers met with their forensic team to develop a strategy. To develop a strategy while eating drippy sandwiches and a bag of chips.
But documentaries about murder aren’t the only thing Bossy and her mother have been watching to forget about food. They’ve also been distracted by their fair share of classic movies, such as the one last night about a family who is forced to make many sacrifices during World War II. Like eating potato hash. Delicious, delicious potato hash.
In other news, Karen was the winner of yesterday’s Ten-Word Challenge giveaway. Bossy sent you an email. Congratulations, Karen!
You can call me, 'Sir' saysDecember 10, 2008 at 12:37 pm
I keep thinking that maybe I should spend a week doing some similar type of hot cleansing action, but instead I just go home and cook real food. Then I eat it.
If it’s any consolation, your colon probably likes you more than mine likes me, so there’s that.
jan8mr.lootiato saysDecember 10, 2008 at 12:44 pm
don’t forget bossys moms comment when she was watching the murder trial…”anyone that makes tomato, mozzerella, avocado basil salad can NOT be guilty of anything.
vuboq saysDecember 10, 2008 at 12:47 pm
vuboq dreamed about making vegetable broth last night. weird, huh? BOSSY get out of my subconscious!
kidsmom saysDecember 10, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Predicting headaches, and possible flu like symptoms to arrive shortly. Big stress on the old bod to do these cleanses.
linda Carson saysDecember 10, 2008 at 12:59 pm
How many calories do you think get burned whilst laughing one’s ass off reading Bossy’s cleansing posts? ‘Cause I am feeling a few pounds lighter and I didn’t even have to drink no stinkin’ broth!
Reeb saysDecember 10, 2008 at 1:05 pm
I am so impressed. This is far more stringent than the cleanse I did. Although mine lasted for 3 weeks and I swear that during the middle week the assignment was to live on air and light.
You watched SEVEN hours of that? Did the documentary decide if he did it?
janny226 saysDecember 10, 2008 at 1:11 pm
Thanks for the laugh!! Oh and the broth recipe(s). I think I’ll skip the cleanse diet tho.
Susan saysDecember 10, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I had some “cleansing” laughter! We know you didn’t cleanse your sense of humor away! Did they have recipes included in the documentary/
David saysDecember 10, 2008 at 1:29 pm
You foodie people both amuse and amaze me. Usually I feel that eating just gets in the way of all the things I need to do. And drinking is mostly a social obligation. I know, I’m a freak. I own it.
Half Assed Kitchen saysDecember 10, 2008 at 1:38 pm
What about some organic meat? When I did my detox diet, I was at least allowed organic meat. And rice. Your version seems unnecessarily cruel.
Cathy D. saysDecember 10, 2008 at 1:51 pm
I am afraid this — and other, as-yet-unwritten potential posts on any topics that include the words “diet,” and “cleansing,” and are referential in any way to “bathroom issues” — is making me approach my blog reading in general with great trepidation, and I’ve become acutely aware of possible TMI issues in my RSS feeds.
Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING saysDecember 10, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Windy, eh? Windy like near a windmill farm windy? Or windy like being downwind from a Corn Processing Plant windy? I live in Illinois, can you tell?
Owengirl79 saysDecember 10, 2008 at 2:08 pm
I live in the area where the Peterson saga took place. Did the documentary mention that he had a bloody shoe print INSIDE the
leg of his shorts? OR that another woman he knew had died the exact same way years ago?
Jacquie saysDecember 10, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I love my mother very, very much… but the idea of spending days in a row with her while hungry, sober and on a caffeine jonze makes me reconsider the prospect of smoking crack.
Stephanie saysDecember 10, 2008 at 2:30 pm
So, you can’t eat food.. ok.. what about other things, like.. can you eat the arm off the sofa you’re sitting on or the remote control? A remote control would have a good satisfying crunch.
Mad(ish) Woman saysDecember 10, 2008 at 2:34 pm
I had something worked out, but Stephanie’s comment about eating the sofa arm made me giggle.
Oh yeah, I was thinking about giving up caffeine for the next month and then decided I didn’t want to be mean during the holidays. Come Jan 1st I plan to do a cleanse like this…. and boy will I be rotten then!
But I bet you could still make me crack a smile!
HeyJoe saysDecember 10, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I thought those things in the pitcher were dead goldfish. Not that I see dead goldfish everywhere I look.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go finish this Phillie Cheesesteak sandwich. mmMMmm Phillie…
Momo Fali saysDecember 10, 2008 at 2:54 pm
I was just thinking of you when I poured myself some hot chocolate and filled it to the brim with whipped cream. I was wondering what your energy level is like. I think I would be zombie-like if I were in your shoes.
MariaV saysDecember 10, 2008 at 3:18 pm
The bright side is that it is three days down and four to go. Hang in there, Bossy!
Debby saysDecember 10, 2008 at 3:24 pm
This kind of reminds me of having the stomach flu back in the 70’s while watching the American Music Awards (or some nonsense like that) sponsored by McD’s Filet o Fish sandwiches. Everytime the commercial came on (every break) my mom and I would race to the closest bathroom.
See, we shared the detox program decades before Bossy and her mom!
MamaMo saysDecember 10, 2008 at 3:26 pm
So you’re taking your mind off the cleansing diet by enduring things even more painful and boring – like a documentary on Michael Peterson?! 😉
Isle Dance saysDecember 10, 2008 at 3:26 pm
If you add a bunch of leafy greens (spinach, kale, parsley – whichever sounds/tastes appealing to you) to your smoothies, you’ll be drinking “green smoothies” and cleansing the insides…but don’t listen to me because I swear by them.
dexter saysDecember 10, 2008 at 3:33 pm
How many toilets in that house? I have a feeling this experiment will bubble over in 2 days. I ate a whole coconut custard pie in bed last night. I felt guilty so I took extra zocor
Cheri @ Blog This Mom! saysDecember 10, 2008 at 3:33 pm
Bossy made me laugh so hard that I almost choked on my roast beef sandwich.
clickmom saysDecember 10, 2008 at 4:43 pm
I can’t take the time to leave a fabulous comment because all I can think about right ow is what I have in the house that I can eat.
clickmom saysDecember 10, 2008 at 4:44 pm
See? I’m so hugry I can’t properly press the letter N!
Reeb saysDecember 10, 2008 at 4:47 pm
Will you please review “Bread and Tulips” for us too? I see it in the photo next to The Staircase and why oh why did you decide to watch The Staircase first? However, B&T is Italian so will be full of marvelous food events. Maybe save that til next week.
Lee the MWOB Queen saysDecember 10, 2008 at 5:09 pm
I have the same feeling I had the first time I looked at that pic of that soupy broth. I think I need this cleanse too but I won’t go through the trouble. Maybe you bottle up the broth and sell it along with your t-shirts.
Emily saysDecember 10, 2008 at 6:06 pm
This may be the one time in the world I suggest that a person doesn’t read Such A Pretty Fat by Jen Lancaster. She went into food-based conversations like this when she was on Atkins. Eventually, she was driven to food porn.
ashley saysDecember 10, 2008 at 8:03 pm
Hang in there, I need to hear about the food that brings you back to us, cause those should be some special vittles! and also if this guy did it, although it sounds like it.
Christine saysDecember 10, 2008 at 8:09 pm
I would totally pass out from bottomed out blood sugar levels.
Sparx saysDecember 10, 2008 at 8:21 pm
I haven’t done this one but I have done the ‘master cleanser’ several times. Partway in you start to feel amazing, then that swiftly departs and the best way to spend the last bit is in bed, frankly.
Helena saysDecember 10, 2008 at 9:05 pm
Bossy is detoxing. I am pretoxing. Yaaayyy!
You may not want to read my blogpost today since it might cause upset, tears, anger or just generally a feeling of wanting to smash your computer against the wall. I’m just saying…
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysDecember 10, 2008 at 9:25 pm
I surely do hope that Bossy and her mom have some tequila in that pitcher with fruit swirling in it, where some = a half-gallon and where tequila = red wine.
Linda saysDecember 10, 2008 at 9:29 pm
Why are suspected wife killers always named Peterson? That’s what I want to know.
Heide saysDecember 10, 2008 at 10:10 pm
I’m in crunch time at the end of the semester, with way too little sleep and waaaayyyyyy too much coffee, but Bossy has inspired me to eat well at least. To balance four (large, strong) cups of coffee and two cups of tea. When the papers and the exams are all graded … THEN I’ll take a long, caffeine-free nap. Maybe three or four days.
Carrie saysDecember 10, 2008 at 10:56 pm
I went on a cleanse diet once. It was called “getting my jaw wired shut”
The worst 6 weeks of my entire life.
Needless to say, I went from 125 to 110 pounds really quick and wanted someone to stab me in the neck to put me out of my misery.
g saysDecember 11, 2008 at 1:08 am
No way. I barely made it to the dreaded colonoscopy appointment alive. Never again.
Pass the wine.
Stacy (mama-om) saysDecember 11, 2008 at 3:03 am
The first cleanse I ever did, I rented movies to watch over the weekend (which were days SIX and SEVEN of the cleanse, which meant I was cold and hungry and a little listless).
What did I rent?
EAT DRINK MAN WOMAN
amy saysDecember 11, 2008 at 8:57 am
Bossy is strong. I could never do this. Well, if I had to to try it would be with my mum too xo
Cat saysDecember 11, 2008 at 9:48 am
My mom and I get along great, but I think that if we were stuck in the house together for 5 days drinking nothing but veggie broth and spa water we would kill each other.
JCK saysDecember 12, 2008 at 4:07 am
Laughing at what Cat said.
But, have much admiration for Bossy and mom. You don’t mind if I continue to inhale sugar and alcohol do you?
Jessi Louise saysDecember 12, 2008 at 8:16 am
Great, now I’m hungry.
Sven saysDecember 14, 2008 at 6:50 pm
I watched that documentary! Though not all in one go, and not while I was on a diet that made me weak and windy. Kudos for your stamina.
BrandyS saysDecember 15, 2008 at 1:49 pm
Funny, I also just watched Bread and Tulips. (I should say READ it, since I don’t speak Italian.
Meg saysDecember 15, 2008 at 1:51 pm
Um, do you think I should do this too? Because I gotta do something.