Today’s story begins innocently enough at the cluster of municipal buildings in the center of Bossy’s small town, where earlier in the month, Bossy and her husband and daughter paced the rows of available trees spouting more opinions about evergreens than mentally healthy.
Once situated back in the Casa de Blog, Bossy’s husband carefully applied five sets of newly purchased Target lights to the tree. Bossy’s husband applied five sets of Target lights to the tree because every year Bossy’s husband applies five sets of Target lights to the tree. Bossy hates change and is comforted when she can predict the outcome based on past routine.
Remember way back sixteen words ago when Bossy said she hates change? Well. Bossy should have seen this tree light disaster coming because of a little thing she likes to call Oh My Gah They Changed The Packaging.
“No problem,” repeated Bossy’s husband. “I have an unopened box of Christmas lights from last year we can use for the top of the tree.”
“No one will ever be able to tell,” repeated Bossy’s husband, who is Jewish, as he applied the final string of lights and attempted to blend them around the center of the tree. It may shock you to learn Bossy Could Tell. And after she pointed it out to everyone within a seven-mile radius, They Could Tell Too.
But alas, Bossy lived with the tree in this exact state for one week, which was exactly how long it took Bossy’s son to complete this semester’s final exams and hop a train home so the family could trim the tree together.
And trim the tree they did. Utilizing every ball and vintage ornament and paper chain and strand of tinsel until the differentiation of lights strands could be obscured.