You are witnessing a close call.
Bossy and her family haven’t eaten out in months and months and months. They long ago realized that even the cheapest family restaurant adds up, especially when you factor in all of those martinis.
On Bossy’s laziest day, when she longs for someone else to cook the meal, she’ll contemplate the cost of an order of Rigatoni with Red Sauce, and she’ll weigh that cost against the price of tomatoes and against the price of a box of rigatoni and then she’ll subtract that amount from the hefty restaurant balance and add a tip and multiply by four and divide it by half and Bossy will do all of those things because she’s a math genius.
And when she’s done computing she’ll realize that even a decadent trip to the grocery store — a trip rife with splurges like artichoke hearts and pork tenderloin — still doesn’t approach the expense of a restaurant check.
And so she’ll haughtily trip off to the food store as though she found $100 in her dungaree pocket, all because she managed not to go out to eat.
But last night Bossy and her family were all tired from a trip to the city to visit the plastic surgeon, and the family was cranky from fighting their way through holiday traffic, and the family was all, “Must. Have. Thai. Food.”
And so Bossy and her husband decided on take-out, which is a slightly cheaper alternative. And they obsessed over the above menu and they plotted their shared items and they planned the perfect banquet for four and. The place is closed on Mondays.
Of course by the time they discovered the restaurant was closed, Bossy had already developed a yearning for a treat — which suddenly made her more than willing to spend the life savings on dinner out, especially considering they don’t actually have a Life Savings.
But luckily Bossy’s conscience kicked in, or maybe that was her Bloody Mary, but Bossy remembered her mathematical formula, where one Beef Penang Curry for $13.95 x 4 + 20% to the Tom Kah power = Get Your Arse To The Food Store And Make It Yourself.
And that’s exactly what Bossy did, she went to the food store. And when she says she went to the food store, she means her husband and son. And they returned with sweet red peppers and string beans and ginger and mushrooms and peanuts and thinly sliced steak, which Bossy whipped into a Satay frenzy.