Who has seen those VW Routan commercials starring Brooke Shields, and she’s all, “People are making babies just so they can own this minivan.”
Right, who cares about those commercials, but the point. The point! The point is that as part of their promotional campaign, VW created a website called the RoutanBabymaker3000 which allows, as a totally random example, you to upload photos of yourself and John Cusack in order to see what your baby would look like.
Who’s breathless?
To begin, upload a photo of The Mom. The photo must meet certain criteria, for instance there can’t be any hair draped over the face, so as you can imagine it took Bossy close to a millennia to locate an image of herself she could use:
Next upload a photo of The Dad:
Then some techno foreplay happens:
And faster than you can say Who The Fook Decided Routan Was A Good Name For A Minivan your cute little baby is born!
You can also upload photos from the internet so you can create babies from weird celebrity combinations. As if weird celebrity combinations would happen.
Don’t mind Bossy as she takes a two-month leave of absence to make virtual babies. Who has a cigarette?
This is the site, but don’t even try to pretend Bossy didn’t warn you.
carson says
February 2, 2009 at 10:37 amI know it’s not nice to make fun of people’s babies, but this one just doesn’t scream cute. Can we see Baby Bossy O’Bama?
Bossy's friend Amy says
February 2, 2009 at 10:39 amso, i don’t know how to tell you this – but, your baby is CREEPING me out… no more babies with j.c. please.
David says
February 2, 2009 at 10:44 amI think you did much better without the use of Cusack seed. Just say no.
Lizzy says
February 2, 2009 at 10:44 amMy husband and I did this before we even thought that having babies would be a good idea. Our spawn looked like our eldest daughter, except for the Rod Blagojevich hair and the jean jacket.
MariaV says
February 2, 2009 at 10:44 amShudder! Why does the baby look s/he is in a velvet lined coffin? The baby is adorable but that background has got to go.
William says
February 2, 2009 at 10:45 amI am impressed that your baby is already in a car seat. Maybe you could named the kid Grosse-point blank?
Domestic Goddess (in training) says
February 2, 2009 at 10:50 amI’ll be honest… new borns are never cute. I know you’re not supposed to admit that, but we should all be able to agree in cyberland that they just aren’t. But, I have to say… your baby (boy or girl… can’t tell) is particularly scary. I can’t decide if its Damien-inspired or Rosemary’s???
kristin says
February 2, 2009 at 10:51 amGood lord! Don’t DO that to me first thing in the morning! Those eyes will haunt my nightmares.
julie says
February 2, 2009 at 10:52 amOk, that site is too much fun. I love that you can re-mix a few times. I put my husband and I in (I know, yawn, but was curious to see what future children could look like) and had 3 very cute and one rather creepy child.
dexter says
February 2, 2009 at 11:05 amOh Lord, that is one creepy kid! I think I saw that kid in a Hitchcock movie
EricaB/Crazy Momma says
February 2, 2009 at 11:10 amummm, that baby scares me.
joeinvegas says
February 2, 2009 at 12:09 pmHmmm, I never considered Brooke as the daddy and the mommy. That is an interesting thought.
Heather says
February 2, 2009 at 12:35 pmI suspect they are just using the same bunch of babies. My baby with Hugh Laurie is a dead ringer for your baby with John Cusack.
Dara says
February 2, 2009 at 12:48 pmBrooke is fooking beautiful.
Do ya think that Angelina wanna be that just had those 8 (!!!!) babies tried this site first and became obsessed? I smell a lawsuit…..
Little Miss Sunshine State says
February 2, 2009 at 1:04 pmDon’t diss the funky VW language. It puts the Cheerios on my breakfast table. Mr Sunshine has been with them for almost 20 years.
When our kids were little we would make them say
FARFIGNOOGIN.
Your kid has good hair.
prefers her fantasy life says
February 2, 2009 at 1:20 pmWell I guess that makes my virtual baby and your virtual baby, stepsiblings.
Kelly at The Glass Dragonfly says
February 2, 2009 at 1:39 pmMy daughter and her friends had a blast playing with this…for me though, it requires uploading a picture of myself. Me and cameras?? We just don’t mix.
jandondi says
February 2, 2009 at 1:47 pmWAIT…I sure am happy that you made babies with the silver fox….SO much cuter
Ms. Cranky Pants says
February 2, 2009 at 1:54 pmDo you remember that Michael Keaton movie, Multiplicity? I hate to burst the proud cloud of digital procreation, but by the way this kid looks, s/he reminds me of Clone #2.
Jenn @ Juggling Life says
February 2, 2009 at 3:01 pmTotally a boy. Possibly not especially intelligent–the eyes are definitely a bit flat.
Momo Fali says
February 2, 2009 at 3:23 pm*It* doesn’t look like either of you. More of a William Shatner crossed with a baby deer.
clickmom says
February 2, 2009 at 5:20 pmAnd I thought Simpsonizing myself was exciting! Now I get to virtual breed with famous people! Thanks Bossy. You are da bomb!
Lee of MWOB says
February 2, 2009 at 5:25 pmOh Bossy! This one gave me a full-on actual real Laugh Out Loud when I saw that baby! That is too insane! The he/she newborn bundle of Bossy + John.
I might have to check out that site – or NOT!!
Cheri @ Blog This Mom! says
February 2, 2009 at 5:33 pmOh my God! I can see it now. My little baby boy will be Deppalicious!
Cheri @ Blog This Mom! says
February 2, 2009 at 5:46 pmOkay. Confession: I did it. I’m a bit bothered by how much my love child with Johnny Depp looks like your love child with John Cusack. Someone’s cheating, and I don’t think it’s VW. Do you?
Lindsey says
February 2, 2009 at 5:58 pmAddiction, I think, is an understatement.
Mr Farty says
February 2, 2009 at 7:04 pmYikes! Village of the Damned, anyone?
Zandor says
February 2, 2009 at 8:10 pmThat site is kind of neat, but the eyes are just too odd.
Sparx says
February 2, 2009 at 8:20 pmOh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Oh my. I think it’s past my bedtime.
Sparx says
February 2, 2009 at 8:22 pm…and wait, is that, is that… is that a _moustache_?
GreatAunt says
February 2, 2009 at 8:36 pmThe silly baby-program says that in addition to “no hair across the face” it also doesn’t want to see glasses on a person. Some people have lived their entire lives with glasses on their face. Some people don’t have photos of themselves (outside of their hospital birth photos) without glasses on their face. How are these people supposed to have fun playing this baby-making game?
Some glasses-wearing people tried anyway and matched themselves up with Harry Conick Jr., but the resulting baby was frightening… at least one glasses-wearing person will be having nightmares about this experiment.
wrh says
February 2, 2009 at 10:01 pmHe/She BabyBossyCusack looks a little bit like a mouth breather.
I’m looking forward to receiving the birth announcement in the mail.
Have you given any thoughts to names? Perhaps Cletus? Marvelle?
patois says
February 2, 2009 at 10:01 pmI am going to do this right now. And I will curse you well into the evening. And likely beyond.
Wendy says
February 2, 2009 at 10:13 pmthis would be a good Halloween site because that kid is just spooky! and doesn’t look like mom or dad (unfortunately for it since they’re both gorgeous!!).
Michelle says
February 2, 2009 at 11:23 pmUmm… let’s not make more Cusack babies. They are obviously zombies in the making.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
February 2, 2009 at 11:59 pmDear Volkswagen,
I presume you have reserved a separate planet to house all the spawn to be created by the Cusack-Bossy orgyfest. If not, then please start development and production of a minivan the approximate size of Jupiter.
Lesley says
February 3, 2009 at 1:07 amHi. My name is I Am Bossy and this is my baby, I Am Creepy!
Lisa says
February 3, 2009 at 1:19 amThis is what I will be doing all day tomorrow, making fake babies….since now I am UNEMPLOYED!!!!
Surcie says
February 3, 2009 at 7:43 am{Laughing at Lesley’s comment.}
Eden says
February 3, 2009 at 11:16 amIt took quite a few tries for me to get a human-looking one. I blame the Phoenix family genes.
kate says
February 3, 2009 at 12:17 pmcreepy.
but still, what would a baby of a saucy redhead and kal penn look like? let’s go find out.
HeyJoe says
February 3, 2009 at 2:04 pmCreepy looking kid you made there Doll. Time to dump Cusak. Suggest you try Mickey Rourke. THAT should result in a well shaped baby head
Auds at Barking Mad says
February 3, 2009 at 10:13 pmWow…you sure you don’t wanna rethink her name? Chucky maybe? That’s about the only thing coming to mind right now.
How about a Bossy/Obama baby? Or would that break the Routan baby maker?
Stacey Ball says
February 4, 2009 at 8:34 pmOh man, I just made a baby that makes me want to have a C section! The head is HUGE!
Ruth Dynamite says
February 5, 2009 at 10:40 pmUm, sort of related but not really…have you seen the movie Martian Boy?
Kristin says
February 5, 2009 at 11:11 pmI really need to see barack o’baby!! Please????
sista #2 says
February 8, 2009 at 6:29 pmYa know how people say….there are no ugly babies?
Yeah, they are wrong.
peace
#2
Robin says
January 7, 2010 at 3:30 pmOh man, I want to know what my baby would look like with Kevin Spacey. I don’t care what anyone says!