The first shoe in Marc Jacobs’ 2009 Spring Collection goes by the memorable name 693982 Sandal, and is constructed of a leather sole, leather upper, and 3 3/4″ of stacked heel ugly. $349.95
This is Marc Jacobs’ 693974 Sandal, not to be confused with the 693982 Sandal that was all the rage one paragraph ago, because this sandal cost $130.00 more, and features metallic leather and green canvas and a handful of grommets and a stick of metal set inside the stacked wood heel, because all of these things belong on one shoe. $479.95
Bossy knows what you’re thinking. You’re thinking these flats are kind of cute in a bold stripe patent leather upper $249.95 way. Except:
And finally, if you’d like to explore the idea of the 693982 Sandal in an alternate color, Marc Jacob offers the following:
White and stoned. Sounds like a certain designer who shall remain nameless but rhymes with Fark Macops.
A Cowboy's Wife saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 11:03 am
All I have to say is eww.
krg saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 11:03 am
oh man… i want them all.
merrymishaps saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 11:24 am
Did you see the mouse print ones from last year?
or http://zeta.zappos.com/product/7362911/color/35084 (on sale! only $191!)
There were cats, too. I don’t get it.
ShallowGal saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 11:30 am
I’ll pass on the shoes but I wouldn’t kick a Marc Jacobs handbag out of my bed . . .
Cat saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 11:49 am
Okay, bad, bad, and bad, but I have to admit I was very tempted to get the cat ones last year because, well, my name is Cat. Not tempted enough to spend $200 on silly shoes though. I think it is wrong for a person to design a shoe he himself would never wear, but who knows maybe Mr. Jacobs does wear the ugly shoes in question.
Domestic Goddess (in training) saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 11:50 am
I would be disturbed by the weird women looking up my skirt on those ballet flats! At the least, it should have been George Clooney. Then you’d have the ego boost of one of the world’s sexiest men looking up your dress.
David saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 12:00 pm
So you’re saying if these were sandals that actually appealed to you, you WOULD pay $479.95? Paging the poverty party! Intervention, stat!
Lizzy saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 12:00 pm
I think a Barbie vomited on the 693982 Sandal.
Bridget saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 12:05 pm
Dear Marc Jacobs,
Take off your shirt and all will be forgiven.
Christine saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I think he creates ugly shoes and then charges hundreds of dollars for them just to see how much he can get away with. They get uglier every year and I can’t imagine that anyone is buying them?
I would like a bag though.
anne marie in philly saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 12:23 pm
any woman who wears any of these abominations deserves foot problems!
not to mention going into debt over frackin’ footwear!
gotta luv birkenstocks!
Lesley saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I’m officially blind in my right eye now.
Baby Favorite saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 12:37 pm
I’d rather spend $18 on a normal looking pair of cheap shoes at Payless, to tell you the truth. Honestly (and this is coming from someone who is NOT frugal) — I think it’s a crime that people spend $300-$400 on shoes when there are children without food in this country. It’s one thing to buy decent shoes that will last and be good for your feet, but to spend that amount on high fashion makes me sick.
kj saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 12:48 pm
I think he’s just trying to make the most ugly shoes ever and tricking everyone into thinking that they are “hip”.
I would NEVA spend more than $50 on a pair of shoes, no matter who made them.
Lisa saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Marc is out of ideas…..no one will be able to buy those ugly things anyway.
Grandma J saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 12:50 pm
Marc Jacobs and I would look great together in matching flip flops
kate saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 1:03 pm
even i don’t like those. and i almost bought yellow-green suede stillettos with navy blue yarn pompons on the toes recently.
and i’m still kicking myself for not getting them.
Lotta saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 1:18 pm
I think the angry asian girl shoes are interesting. But would only be appropriate on the people that likely can’t afford them. Trendy preteens.
Debby saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 1:19 pm
UGLY. Shop at Target. Cheap shoes
Or TJMaxx, designer names at discount prices (my God, I could work for them, marketing….)
Ms. Cranky Pants saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 1:32 pm
In that picture, Marc’s surely saying “SUCKAHS!” — all the way to the bank.
Reeb saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 1:35 pm
Take the heel off the silvery-greeny one and put it on the multicolored first model, and YANK that distracting bow off it, and then I’d enjoy looking at it. On someone else’s foot.
I broke my little toe a month ago and can’t wear three pairs of snappy new shoes I got over Xmas. Come on little toe! Heal!
Reeb saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 1:37 pm
For the record, got my shoes at a huge cool discount shoe place whose name I can’t recall now. $400 for shoes? Give me travel everytime, instead!
Allison saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 1:49 pm
Wow, definitely hideous.
Although they will still be ALL. THE. RAGE.
shanna saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 1:50 pm
I remember shoes from the 70’s that were quite similar, I think a bit less tacky due to no floppy bow. Thanks for posting those and keeping me updated on What Not To Buy. 😉
derfina saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 2:06 pm
I can’t stop looking at the 693982. Kinda has a ring to it…Six nine three nine eight two. Say it three times real fast and it grows on you. *snort*
Chris saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Proof that designers make up weird shit just to see who will wear it…
Mary saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 2:11 pm
This is why I wear Keds.
Cactus Petunia saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 2:28 pm
Eeewww eeewww eeewww! What I don’t understand is why anyone would consider those things SHOES. To walk in. Oh, wait. Maybe they’re not designed to WALK in.
Come on over and check out my new shoes…much cuter, cheaper and definitely designed to run away from anyone wearing Marc Jacobs shoes!
Maria saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 2:39 pm
…and I’m still hung up on a pair of Converse sneakers that went out of stock. Although, frankly, I do wear heals 1/2 the time…okay 1/4 of the time. I like a nice heel. But I’m all about kitten heels,Marc, heels that have a NAME marc, not just a number. That is SO stinking rude, to make shoes like they are cattle and not have a personal relationship with them. That is SOOO just non committal. That is soooo love em and leave ’em…like my change jar.
Maria saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 2:43 pm
did is say heals or heels? Ya, I homeskool…
Shelley saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 2:45 pm
Kristine saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 2:45 pm
I believe this is the new version of the emperor’s new clothes. The people are following along as if nothing is out of the ordinary.
Liz C saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 3:11 pm
Heck, they sell stupid looking crap like that at Payless all the time for a lot less.
I just don’t get fashion. Never have.
Little Miss Sunshine State saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 3:17 pm
I HATE shoes. So I moved to a place where my shoes collect dust in the closet.
Current footwear? Flip-floppy type things that I found at a clearance sale for 75 cents….so I bought 2 pairs.
Perfect for a Poverty Party.
susan saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 4:02 pm
What would Pa Ingalls think?
Maggie Garcia saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 4:09 pm
I LOVE the Japanese school girls on the flat …. I just don’t $300 love them. Everything else = blegh. Bossy should be a fashion something or another. Clearly.
kathy in b.c. saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 4:30 pm
I spent 90 bucks on a pair of running shoes more than two years ago and now they are wearing out. I won’t be sprinting to buy any of these. Bossy is too right about these shoes. I think designers don’t really like women when they make shoes with huge heels. I remember the 70’s. Thanks, but no thanks.
ashley saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 5:02 pm
The grosgrain is just that, gross, kinda like the pricetags. People are crazy.
Coco saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Not my style. And at that price they better give me a foot massage.
Adorable Girlfriend saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 5:16 pm
I have said this about him and Michael Kors for a while.
They are both openly gay men who are designers — a good good qualities except when it comes to giving AG shoes. AG’s gays don’t design her shoes like her straight girls do. It’s just an AG thing that trickles down to y’all.
karen l saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 5:17 pm
This is the same designer who doesn’t produce clothing larger than a size 12 because “there’s no reason for women to have large thighs – they just need to lost weight”
He’s on my list. Yeah. That list.
Shayera saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 5:52 pm
Those are amazingly hideous.
I need to rest after seeing that.
Stacey Ball saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 7:02 pm
You know a show is ugly when it can’t even be given a real name and is just assigned a number. Blah!
Lee of MWOB saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 7:03 pm
I think it’s a joke. I really do. He is laughing his way all the way to the bank and laughing at the women wearing these. I really think so. Although in this economy who is buying these shoes? Who? I think Bossy needs to find someone wearing these shoes and interview them. And find out what her kitchen looks like while you’re at it. 🙂
Dorothy Stahlnecker saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 7:29 pm
This is great to let women know how horrific some of these designers are and how talented they are at making us look stupid when we continue to treat them like fashion gurus when in reality they secretly hate women and laugh when we buy they’re ugly fashion products and they make huge profits.Good work bossy..let’s continue to expose who they really are women haters…
Dorothy from grammology
Andi saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 7:31 pm
Crack, ice, cheez, meth, crank, acid…something REALLY heavy cuz damn those are some yoogly shoes. Lawdy lawdy lawdy. mm mm mmm. I’m afraid I’ll have nightmares tonight. Don’t think I have to worry about my 13 yr old wanting those. GAH!!!
Sparx saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Man., those are ugly shoes… what the?
Michelle saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 8:18 pm
I actually kind of like the second pair, and I don’t like heels or the color green. (I have a thing for clear parts on shoes, though.)
Enchanted saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 8:48 pm
Thanks so much for the laugh!
Lisa saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 8:53 pm
Poor Bossy, another year with the old keds tennis shoes and old navy flip flops for you, too?
I dont get it, especially the $$$ ding dong!!
Emily saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 8:59 pm
I’m the thrift store queen of shoes and I have gotten some very nice pairs there too! Ex: Land’s End boots for my daughter when she was smaller. I’m wearing some Ralph Lauren black flats I got there that weren’t used at all. Also some very nice ankle boots. I’ll be back soon for some more…
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 9:17 pm
I don’t usually make a comment before I’ve actually read a post (and sometimes the other comments), but the title of this alone followed by the first picture made me laugh, which released about a thousand gallons of tension that had built up all day, starting at five a.m. this morning.
All I can say is thank you. p.s. I may be back after I actually read this to say something cheeky/snarky, but right now, just thank you. This reminds me of the “Dear Restroom Architect” one from your roadtrip. Simply hilarious.
Mrs. C. saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 9:36 pm
I wouldn’t wear those shoes to shovel horse crap in.
Though it might just make ’em look better…
Cheri @ Blog This Mom! saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 10:27 pm
He’s laughing all the way to the bank.
It’s not fair.
Karen in DE saysFebruary 18, 2009 at 10:45 pm
I miss Bossy. I have Big Brother watching over my shoulder every day at work. I cannot access Bossy during my waking hours . . .
sugarpie saysFebruary 19, 2009 at 12:07 am
There are lots of scary things going on in the world, economically-wise. However! One of the not-so-scary things is that this, hmmmm…I want to be diplomatic here, ASSCLOWN!, may just have his rear end handed to him by the financial downturn. And that, my fellow bossy-oides, will be a good thing.
Second hand stores rule my shopping world. Last year, at one of the local church run thrift shops, I found an almost-new pair of Lucchese boots. And for 10 bucks! Yeehaw!
Thanks Bossy, for helping point out what the emperor isn’t wearing.
Suzanne saysFebruary 19, 2009 at 1:00 am
It sorta looks like he took all of the remnant materials from his decent looking shoes and made “left-over casserole shoes”, if you will.
hippo brigade saysFebruary 19, 2009 at 1:12 am
I’m buying the strippy ones. Because I like fat faced Japanese girls on my shoes.
Teafran saysFebruary 19, 2009 at 7:52 am
Speaking of slightly odd fashion statements…
Momo Fali saysFebruary 19, 2009 at 8:20 am
Those little girls are clearly looking up your skirt. Perverts.
The Domestic Goddess saysFebruary 19, 2009 at 9:17 am
While I whole-heartedly agree that he’s whack on crack, I have to admit there is a bit of whimsy associated with this particular collection (albeit crack-laden whimsy). I like different stuff, but that’s beyond different. It’s….Cracky.
blackbird saysFebruary 19, 2009 at 1:21 pm
It would appear that one of those flats is lined with Matzoh, which I’m sure is very expensive.
kay saysFebruary 19, 2009 at 3:22 pm
Honestly? My biggest problem? One of those Japanese girls looks like she’s been GAGGED! Like, with a GAG! During an abduction!
Karen (submommy) saysFebruary 19, 2009 at 3:53 pm
I’ve seen it coming for a long time: The rebirth of all things ugly from the 70’s.
sista #2 saysFebruary 19, 2009 at 5:54 pm
Am I the only one who thinks they are all ugly????
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy saysFebruary 20, 2009 at 4:37 am
Anyone have $349.95 they’d like to give me? I wear an
8 1/2. White and Stoned please, thanks!
Jen saysFebruary 20, 2009 at 9:56 am
Klassy with a K.
Professional Critic saysFebruary 21, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Oh dear. These are all distressingly hideous.
Jamie saysFebruary 21, 2009 at 7:59 pm
so i have to wonder who in their right mind would pay that much for SANDLES? i mean, the less there is, shouldn’t that mean the less you pay for them? there is NO way i’m paying that exorbitant price for something so UGLY
james saysAugust 28, 2009 at 4:01 am
who stuck a log up your ass?