So we all know Bossy is a little more than obsessed with chef Ina Garten and her cooking show, The Barefoot Contessa, on the Food Network, right?
Usually Ina is all Jeffrey Jeffrey Jeffrey — where Jeffrey equals Ina’s husband, who can somehow manage to preside over a little thing called Yale’s School of Business, but when sent to the market for goat cheese he returns with overripe melons.
When Ina isn’t tending her husband Jeffrey, who has an understandable need to shuttle away from Ina for long periods of every week, Ina is all about her gays.
This is T.R., better known as model/actor T.R. Pescod, where model/actor equals Model with a heaping side of Model, hold the Actor.
In this episode of The Barefoot Contessa, Ina is preparing food which T.R. can serve at a dinner party upon his return to the Hamptons from his other home in New York City. In exchange, T.R. has promised to bring Ina something delicious from the city.
First Ina prepares Nevermind because Bossy forgot to tape the beginning of the episode so she missed this part. Next Ina prepares Chicken Pot Pie, which features chicken, a pot, and some pie:
While Ina toils over her stainless steel industrial stove, swoon, T.R. goes to a specialty market in New York City:
So what does T.R. buy? Oh yes, he goes right for the salami:
When he’s all finished with the whole salami selection process, T.R. looks at the camera and sticks out his tongue and slurps a little:
Meanwhile back at the ranch, where ranch equals A sun-kissed East Hamptons’ cedar shake colonial, Ina rolls her pliable dough over the cream with cream and some chicken cream:
And then it was time for a commercial featuring the open-heart surgery you’ll need after consuming the amount of butter found in all of Ina’s recipes.
When the commercial break is over, we find T.R., still in the specialty food store in New York City, lingering over his next purchase:
Meanwhile Ina prepares T.R’s split pea soup, sweating onions for flavor and adding salt for flavor and cracked pepper for flavor and one time Bossy and her husband invented a fun drinking game, which is to chug every time Ina uses the word flavor. Bossy kids, she wouldn’t invent a drinking game with her husband! Bossy invented it with her son.
And before you know it, there’s T.R. bounding up Ina’s porch steps and ringing her doorbell.
And so Ina stands there and shows him all of the delicious food she has prepared for his dinner party and then she asks if T.R. wants to come in for a glass of wine, and T.R. is all, “I’d love to but I have my important guests not you coming,” and then he shows Ina what he brought her from the city in exchange for Ina’s day slaving over a stove.
Three heirloom tomatoes.
Lizzy says
April 17, 2009 at 8:54 amI would rather watch a show with Bossy and her son and their drinking game.
Ina is a little too pretentious with a capital “P”. Although she does have nice floors.
Alwyn says
April 17, 2009 at 8:57 amIna has it right, always cooking for her gays. All our relocations have left mine behind, therefore no one fawns over my culinary masterpieces, nor little touches like decoupaged pears as place cards. TR, produce-loving man that he is, would love the pears. Sigh.
jp says
April 17, 2009 at 9:01 amcome out to The Hamptons sometime Bossy and i’ll show you where to find Ina so you can stalk her house in person!
HAHA
(is the drinking game like sara palin’s ‘maverick’ game?)
Philly says
April 17, 2009 at 9:10 amI’ve had Ina’s chicken pot pie, very good.I wish I could say that I’ve had TR, that is not the case.
well read hostess says
April 17, 2009 at 9:17 amShe is so so so very Hampton-y, isn’t she. She talks like she has a mouth full of money.
Still, I think she writes (??!!) the best cookbooks out there. Girlfriend knows her way around the full fat cheese department!
Little Miss Sunshine State says
April 17, 2009 at 9:24 amLittle Miss Sunshine State’s favorite gay to cook for found himself a handsome doctor and now he doesn’t hang out at my kitchen table so much anymore.
Ina’s gay was creepy.
Momo Fali says
April 17, 2009 at 9:26 amThe last time I threw a dinner party in the Hamptons, I served chicken pot pies too! How ironic! Or, maybe I’m confusing that with dinner in Ohio last night where I served mac and cheese and Tyson “Any’tizers”.
bossy's friend amy says
April 17, 2009 at 9:40 ameverytime i watch ina garten all i hear is the weird “porn” music playing in the background…
MariaV says
April 17, 2009 at 10:02 amI would cook someone a meal for good heirloom tomatoes.
karen l says
April 17, 2009 at 10:02 amOk Bossy I’m also a barefoot stalker. Ina’s always cooking for her gays – you know, having b’day parties for the dogs and stuff. Real life everyday food. Yeah right – I’m watching her floors and honed granite countertops and garden full of hydrangeas too.
ashley says
April 17, 2009 at 10:03 amDear Bossy,
I love you more today than yesterday. Ina is my favorite to watch! This is perfect, swoon indeed. And how did you know all of these little details? I always wondered what Jeffrey did, and Ina’s gay is as delicious as her buttery recipes.
the other amy says
April 17, 2009 at 10:08 amI am distressed to say I have a little gay crush on TR (although Bossy’s screen shots of his tongue kind of ruin it for me). He’s much cuter than her other gay, the florist whose name I currently can’t remember.
And I am sooooo sad that someone already posts as Bossy’s friend Amy because, although I live far away and don’t know her personally, I would love to be Bossy’s friend Amy. Bossy is funny in the best possible way.
Stickman says
April 17, 2009 at 10:20 amIs it legal to have your own gays? First the blacks, now the gays? Damn capitalism!
jen says
April 17, 2009 at 10:53 amSalty Jebus on a bagel, this is funny!!!
I love Ina, too but she needs to re-vamp the packaging on her products, cuz, it kinda sucks.
Debby says
April 17, 2009 at 11:16 amThe only way that recap could be better is if Barbies had been used. Bravo Bossy!
RuthWells says
April 17, 2009 at 11:32 amIna is my almost-11-year-old’s girlfriend. She wrote him a letter and everything.
Domesic Goddess (in training) says
April 17, 2009 at 11:55 amI am pretty sure that the point was that Ina wouldn’t be all “cook for Jeffrey…cook for Jeffrey…cook for Jeffrey” if she was able to have a little salami or cucumber action every now and again. Amen, TR!
the cheap chick says
April 17, 2009 at 12:10 pmFinally! A reason to watch Ina (who honestly? I kind of hate.)! Drinking games make every insufferable pompous lout MUCH MORE FUN. Thank you Bossy! And your son, too.
anne marie in philly says
April 17, 2009 at 12:16 pmOMFG, that T.R. is sooooooo handsome! I’d have HIM for dinner in a new york minute…but he doesn’t like girls…(heavy sigh)
joeinvegas says
April 17, 2009 at 12:17 pmYes, I would rather watch Bossy’s drinking games. They sound like a lot more fun, and something that would happen sooner in my house than the making of cream cream cream chicken pot pies.
Jen W. says
April 17, 2009 at 12:36 pmOh, how I wish I could be Ina’s best friend.
Elsewhere says
April 17, 2009 at 1:03 pmCrying (CRYING) with laughter…!
Maddy says
April 17, 2009 at 1:11 pmWhat a delicious combination!
Cheers
Reeb says
April 17, 2009 at 1:12 pmWho needs cable when I have Bossy. Although I may have to get it on June 14.
POD says
April 17, 2009 at 1:12 pmI wish I were gay (male). I would date an actor. But not one who slurped on real sausage.
Laura says
April 17, 2009 at 1:33 pmCrap…now I’m going to spend all day trying to figure out where I’ve seen TR Pescod before.
denise says
April 17, 2009 at 1:35 pmTo elaborate on the porn angle, I’m all “Look at that organic chicken breast, no wait, look at that cute topiary on the counter, no wait, look at that hot brownie, no wait, look at that sub zero refrigerator! Oh yeah, right there, right there, wait is this food porn or house porn I’m watching?”
kate says
April 17, 2009 at 1:38 pmare you kidding me? salami and cucumbers? does T.R. know BOSSY and he di that just for BOSSY?
Jennifer says
April 17, 2009 at 1:44 pmMy husband hates it when I watch Ina’s show because I spend the whole half hour saying, “Look at the garden!” “They’re showing the outside of the house! Look quick!” “I wonder if we could find plans for her house online.” “Jeez, would you look at that kitchen!”
and he can’t get anything done.
Fee says
April 17, 2009 at 1:51 pmThat chef woman pronounces paella weirdly… it’s really annoying. I watched her cook it on ‘UKTVsomething-or-other’ and she says pie-yay-a instead of pie-ella
Perhaps it’s just us Brits who say pie-ella (instead of pie-yay-a)… and of course the Spanish. They don’t say pie-yay-a.
What says Bossy? Pie-ella (ella-ella-eh) or Pie-yay-a?!
The Chocolate Lady says
April 17, 2009 at 2:06 pmNow Im jealous, It’s much more sexy than my food blog…..
the only “men” I have are the chicks I copied off Bakerella.
they dont have tongues!
Ms. Cranky Pants says
April 17, 2009 at 3:18 pm#26 Laura, I’m pretty sure TR had a cameo on Sex & The City, but I can’t remember the episode.
House porn indeed! Her recipes never fail, although you should probably schedule a triple bipass for immediately following one of her meals. As Ina would say herself, “how bad can THAT be”…
The Other Lisa says
April 17, 2009 at 3:51 pmIna Garten = herb garden porn!!! Ever watch her skip out back and cut off an armful of, say, basil? And there’s still a whole plant left? Every time I buy an herb in plant form, we use all the leaves and the plant dies. The end.
Renee says
April 17, 2009 at 3:51 pmMy very favorite type of bossy post! The TV recap. LOVE IT! I have noticed how handsome T.R. is and I have always wondered why he is hanging with Ina. Whom I also love, simply because her voice is very soothing, the music, the soft focus colors of her show–all run together for a fabulous nap–better than watching the PGA.
Gigi says
April 17, 2009 at 4:12 pmI SWEAR I’m normal (sort of) but I saw a link to her house on Google Maps. I always thought it was right on the beach but it’s actually several blocks away.
Have you seen the episode where T.R. is supposed to make dessert for the potluck but ends up getting meringues at the bakery. When the lady behind the counter hands him the meringues he says thanks and just walks away while she says, “That’ll be.. twelve…..dollars” as she watches him disappear. Ha ha ha- good times. I was so glad they didn’t cut that out in the editing.
Scottsdale Girl says
April 17, 2009 at 4:49 pmIt’s the latest craze with MIGUEL flying in to take pictures of food (in the house, in the garden, best light etc blah) that makes me INSANE. And she has exactly 5 friends. The lesbian gardner, and 4 gay males. Sheesh.
Scottsdale Girl says
April 17, 2009 at 4:51 pmHmm that sounded sort of “against” gay people there. Not my intention. Against Miguel and the pictures and Miguel and that making not enough TR… ok.
chuck says
April 17, 2009 at 5:14 pmi swear, i laughed just as much at your recap as these comments on here! too damn funny.
and hey, wait a minute! i’m a gay man. why doesn’t ina befriend ME? (i would NOT make it so easy for you either, bossy, with picking out salami and cucumbers. geez. revoke his card.)
and my partner got me into these cooking shows. and this one, i am *always* telling him, “what the hell is up with jeffrey, jeffrey, jeffrey. it’s like marcia, marcia, marcia.” he said, “that’s her husband,” to which i replied, “he must be gay…everyone else on that show is.” does she cook barefoot? what’s with the name? (personally, i like giada better. and rachael ray used to grate on my nerves, until i saw some documentary on her and i thought, “she’s pretty damn cool.”)
love these recaps. more more more.
Sharon says
April 17, 2009 at 6:47 pmThe thing that bugs me about Ina is her wardrobe. She must have a closet full of those shirts in different colors. It’s always the same style shirt. It drives me crazy. Wear something different!!!
sugarpie says
April 17, 2009 at 7:18 pmHey Bossy, excellent break-down!
You want a drinking game? How about an Ina / Nigella smackdown on splitscreen? Everytime one of them uses the ridiculous term “beautiful ______ (insert food name here)” BAM! A shot of cheap french brandy. 20 minutes and everyone is out cold.
Gigi says
April 17, 2009 at 7:21 pmAs stated previously in comment #35, I really AM normal (sort of), but I did read that Ina has her shirts custom made by a dressmaker based on a shirt that she liked by Eileen Fisher. She had it made in a lot of different colors (although doesn’t she almost always wear black??) There’s a “Questions” section and another called “About Ina” at barefootcontessa.com
kay bryan says
April 17, 2009 at 7:39 pmoh gawd damn, your post made my mouth water so. . . headin to the refrigerator right now to lap on a stick of butter.
Amber Star says
April 17, 2009 at 7:57 pmSo the salami and the cucumbers were for his own personal use…*not really wanting to think what that might be* and all he brought her was HEIRLOOM TOMATOES? What a dick!
Just fyi…there is a drinking game where you have to take a drink everytime Rachel Ray says EVOO. That will put you under the table in record time. And Paula Dean uses more butter than anyone still living from the ’50s. She tells people who complain that she is their cook not their doctor.
Reeb says
April 17, 2009 at 8:07 pm#30-Fee:
Never heard paella pronounced anything but Pie-AY-ya. (I hear it in my head; don’t know how the Contessa speaks it in her regional or pompous [heresay] manner.)
Of course — don’t you Brits pronounce the name Emma as “Emmer”? We don’t. Dunno about the Spaniards.
I would totally watch a show with #38-Chuck on it.
Well Read Hostess says
April 17, 2009 at 8:40 pmEarlier when I read this I couldn’t see the pictures because um the place where I was which isn’t work at all so don’t even think it was wouldn’t let me see the pictures. Now I see the pictures and their captions and I have this to say, did he leave Ina with the salami and the cucumber? And also, what channel is this? Is it one of those “special” cable channels.
Surcie says
April 17, 2009 at 9:18 pmOHhhh, how I love Ina! Her recipes are my absolute faves.
CupcakeMurphy says
April 17, 2009 at 10:05 pmI live for Ina and am haunted by her guidance about making your own chicken stock because apparently home made chicken stock is the thing that cures all ills and the thing that gives Ina the wearwithall to purchase so many gosh darn big man shirts. I love Ina and her bangs.
BabyFavorite says
April 17, 2009 at 11:20 pmI adore Ina, even though the only two things we have in common is (1) Living in the Hamptons… Oh, wait, that’s not it! Maybe it’s more money than I know what to do with….. Mmmmm, no… not so much… Oh, I know! It’s amazing culinary skills… well, not exactly… since I’m fairly certain she’s never once opened a box of Hamburger Helper and served it to Jeffrey, even when they were newlyweds camping in the middle of Europe for a month straight…..
OH, I REMEMBER NOW!
(1) We have the SAME EXACT KITCHEN WALLPAPER AND
(2) WE’RE BOTH OVERWEIGHT BRUNETTES!
Don’t be a hater, really. Even though she & I live such parallel lives, it’s not as glamorous as one might think.
auntie says
April 18, 2009 at 1:00 ami keep waiting for the show where Ina just attacks Jeffrey in a fit of barefoot lust when he walks in the door after being in the city all week. she’s always half-smashed by the time he gets home anyway, so it’s really not too much of a stretch.
Fee says
April 18, 2009 at 5:12 am#44 What? So do all Americans say pie-yay-ya instead of pie-ella? Shit the bed! I never knew. I have American friends too and they never said. How dare they?!
I think Bossy needs to figure out what’s going on with the English language – she had pics of her brit friends on the blog recently. They will know.
We need to know who’s correct? Ina Garten (and the USA) or the Spanish and the Brits
The Domestic Goddess says
April 18, 2009 at 7:53 amDang. He does make it too easy.
Deedle says
April 18, 2009 at 11:11 amYou are making me howl….
Pamela says
April 18, 2009 at 12:24 pmBahaaahaaaaa *big fat belly laugh* Bossy so funny!
Dorothy Stahlnecker says
April 18, 2009 at 7:16 pmThis is so funny..I’ll be watching food network tomorrow morning and hopefully catch Ina..such a great post.
Dorothy from grammology
grammology.com
Formerly Unemployed Susan says
April 18, 2009 at 8:53 pmI’m very attracted to Ina’s soothing voice but her recipes are a bit too, um, fatal?
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
April 18, 2009 at 10:21 pmSpecialty markets, cucumbers, salami, and Hot Man Who Isn’t Husband Jeffrey ringing Ina’s doorbell all while porn music plays gently in the background.
The Crude Network is the best.
Know it All says
April 19, 2009 at 9:19 pmI like Ina’s show but I want her to make dinner for ME….yessss…..and bring it over with the freshly cut hydrangeas that so-and so cut from her garden (can’t remember the other gay’s name…he’s not cute so why WOULD I?) Anyway Bossy…if you can get the BC to bring dinner to my house, come over w/your son and teach me the drinking game. I need it after dealing w/my kids today!
Trashy says
April 19, 2009 at 11:49 pmFinally! Someone else who obsesses over Ina as much as I do. *joy*
Meg at the Members Lounge says
April 20, 2009 at 2:58 pmHmmm, the Barefoot Contessa spent about a month in my kitchen this winter, figuratively speaking. I started taking photos of my food, and writing a blog entry about it. Who did I think *I* was anyway, Pioneer Woman or Bakerella? The things Ina can make us do…..
http://designsbymeg.com/blog/2009/02/the-barefoot-contessa-comes-to-megs-kitchen/
Alissa says
April 22, 2009 at 7:10 pmOh my heavens, that is one of the funniest posts you have written in a long time. Thank you for the chuckle (slurp!!)
Big D says
June 29, 2010 at 4:47 pmDon’t get it with Ina and her preoccupation with gay boys. Her “hubby” Jeffery has to have a streak in him because Ina is clearly a chaser. Giada is a honey. I like Paula Deen’s sassyness and I guarantee you she’d love to go with some young buck. Anyway, it’s all good.