When Bossy’s daughter was a baby, Bossy and her husband decided to leave their hometown and move a few states over, where they bought a farm and lived among the enormous spiders and it was grand, but after a few years they decided they missed home and spiders without leg joints, and so the family returned to their hometown, purchasing a house on the very same street.
Thousands of wasted dollars later, the first order of business was to call the phone company and acquire a new phone number, which Bossy did, and when Bossy says she did it she means her husband, but the point is: Bossy’s new phone number spells Chumpie-You-Came-Back!
Of course it doesn’t really spell it out in quite this way, but that’s what the particular succession of numbers mean to Bossy, because Bossy is a numerologist, a word she just had to look up so maybe she actually isn’t but. Anyway: Bossy became attached to her phone number.
Except without a doubt, one of the things that keeps Bossy awake in her bed at night is thinking about how much she hates using the telephone, and how she never answers her telephone, and how she never checks the messages on her telephone — and hi, have you met Bossy’s insomnia?
Meanwhile, phone service plans are set up in such a way to lasso you into paying for more than you need. Bossy and her husband set out a while ago to reduce this cost, but every time they tried to jettison a feature they don’t need, for instance built-in answer call, they’d find out that feature is bundled with a feature they do need, for instance call waiting.
Bossy and her husband eventually combined services within the house so their phone is now attached to their cable service which is attached to their internet delivery, but paying for something Bossy doesn’t use still keeps Bossy awake at night because precisely everything keeps Bossy awake at night.
One obvious answer is to cancel the landline and resort solely to cell phone use. Bossy’s friend Martha did this a while ago, and recently Bossy interviewed Martha about how it’s going:
Bossy: How’s it going?
Martha: The worst thing has been dealing with the reality of not having a phone attached to the wall. The part that concerns me most is if we have an emergency and need to call 911 and are in a state of panic and I need to find my cell phone NOW or the kids need to find it NOW. If the phone is attached to the wall we always know where it is and don’t have to dig in mom’s purse, only to find out it is not there but charging in the outlet. Luckily I have a cell phone, my teenage son has one, and my husband as well… so generally we all know where our individual phones are and can actually get to them faster than a landline and can run away while calling 911 if needed.
Editor’s Note where Editor equals Bossy: this bit of 911 paranoia brought to you by Martha, who spends the day imagining various deadly scenarios, for instance How Would She Save Bossy From Being Hit By A Bus. Of course in order for this to be a real scenario, Martha would first have to throw Bossy in front of that bus. Bossy now returns you to your interview.
The best part about not having a landline… good question. I guess money saved, but barely. And now my teenage son has his own phone to take with him… which is maybe a waste of money and resources for a million kids to ALL have a phone when they are usually an arms length away from borrowing one to make a quick call home to say you will be late. It is a strange world we live in. I think it is part of the evolution of the human race… seriously, why do we feel the need to stay so connected at all times? Dr. Martha prescribes all families to go on a camping trip without cellphones or internet service for a solid week once a year… just don’t ask me to do it.
Bossy’s council: what say you about this dilemma?