Bossy has been steeped in the news of Michael Jackson’s death, which Bossy isn’t going to mention here — not even a sentence, so quit asking.
But it just so happens, while reading the reports about the death of that person Bossy isn’t going to mention here but his name rhymes with Fiiickle Trackson, Bossy heard about a company that goes by the name 1-800-AUTOPSY. According to their website, they are a mobile thanatology company, even though Bossy thinks traveling morgue would be cuter.
Anyway. This mobile thanatology company has a mission, and that mission goes like this: 1-800-AUTOPSY is committed to never lose our focus and broaden society’s perspective of death.
But perhaps the most fascinating part of the 1-800-AUTOPSY company is their website directory:
Oh, come on. Let’s have a look, shall we?
Anyone care to propose an idea or two for 1-800-AUTOPSY’S gift section?
Meanwhile, Bossy would like to announce the winners of her Seattle’s Best coffee giveaway. Congratulations to Surcie, who won two pounds of coffee and the Toddy Cold Brew System.
Other winners of the coffee include MariaV, Abbey, Alissa, Elsewhere, Ang, Regina, Joyce, Maria from NJ, Carrie, Choosy, Colette, Gretchen, Alias Mother, and Kathy from NJ. Bossy has emailed you more information.
Thanks for participating!
Possibly a gift card for your nearest and dearest to use to just make sure there was no funky business after you reach thanotopsis.
…lol…Wouldn’t that be funny if they sold steak knives? lol… Okay, okay, I’ma lil’ warped… ;o)
…Blessings…
Maybe vouchers for extra strong coffee for the ones that witnessed the autopsy of someone we won’t mention here but his name rhymes with Sing of Top. They’ll need it.
(BTW I won!!!)
Body part Jello molds? Ashes into diamonds? Recovered bullets on a chain, you know, to wear close to your heart? Or the ever-popular postmortem sperm/egg harvesting, so that you can have a child after you’re dead.Sorry, morbid humor.
Perhaps 50% off your next thanatologizing?
Embalming shampoo and conditioner?
–>Til Death Do Us Part air fresheners?
http://www.WebSavyMom.com
I would like a photo album with pics of my loved one’s internal organs.
I also think a “Buy One Autopsy-Get One Free” card would be appropriate for twins.
I would have named the mobile autopsy business…
CUT AND RUN
T-shirts which say, The End.
Congratulations to the winners, especially MariaV because she’s almost a close and personal friend.
I think videos would be a money maker. They should have a drive-thru window.
Personalized toe tags available in a variety of atractiv fonts?
(Sorry — typing with cat in lap.)
Personalized toe tags available in a variety of attractive fonts?
Bossy,
I’m pretty sure that I won the coffee, although I may or may not have entered the contest, so could you please check the results again?
Love, Cheri
P.S. Gift catalog items? Who said “steak knives” up there? I like her.
rubber kitchen gloves with 1-800-autopsy on them? ya know, most accidents in the home are in the kitchen…or bathroom..or somewhere.
Remember how people used to bronze baby shoes and fondly sit them around on coffee tables? I’m thinking a bronzed internal organ of The Loved One would be a wonderful gift to the bereaved. Sliding price scale for diff organs. You take it from there, creative minds…
PS. The carafe in the “thanatologizing” illustration is probably a Toddy Cold Brew System.
A t-shirt that reads:
“Measure twice……..cut once”
The gift shop will no doubt stock Thanatologist trading cards and velcro’d black mourning bands that can fit conveniently around the arms of people weighing anywhere from 80 to 600 pounds. Perhaps there will also be a box of plastic scalpels and bone saws advertised as the Lil’ Thanatologist’s Kit ‘O Fun or Autopsy Jamboree! or something similarly catchy that today’s kids might enjoy.
T-shirts that say, “My grandfather went for an autopsy, and all I got was this stupid t-shirt!”
A liver scale? They’re impossible to find.
“Funeral” stickers for your car so you can run red lights.
“Told you I was sick” t-shirt for the newly-deceased; year’s supply of formaldehyde; subscription to “Better Coffins & Cemeteries” magazine???
OBVIOUS to me. Recycled, slightly used eye balls, kidneys, hearts, I’d say livers but most everyone I know drinks. Number one best selling item, Igloo ice chests to transport parts around.
Embalming fluid-scented candles for those special moments? Family-pack fertilizer? Photo-sets from the autopsy suitable for framing? Do-it-yourself kits for pets?
Here I thought it was for an AUTO PSYchic…like the Dog whisperer but only for Cars.
Perhaps they should look to the LA Coroner’s office for some ideas. http://lacoroner.com/signpost.htm
I love #18.
A calendar with spaces to write in your family members deaths in the coming year.
A thong with the saying, “I would kill for one of those!”
#18 & #21 T-shirts — you both rock.
I wonder if they have a mobile van, like dog groomers, with a sign that says: “Dead? No problem, we come to you!” or “Same Day Door to Door Service”
Heidela thinks that Bossy would LOVE to watch “Dr. G Medical Examiner” on TLC.
Oh Jeebus mkae it STOP! I’m CRYING here, fer cryin’ out loud! : )
Mug: WORLD’S BEST PATIENT
Perhaps they’ll sell bumper stickers:
================================
1-800-Autopsy: The Traveling Will Burys
================================
==========================
What is the meaning of death?
Call 1-800-Autopsy
==========================
Or maybe you can get a box of chocolates: Kisses of Death.
How about a CD with assorted songs performed by some country twanger belting out tunes such as:
Deader than a Doornail and Don’t Know Why
I’m Ten Toes Up and Six Feet Under, Lord Why’d I Die I Sher Do Wonder
I’ll stop now. It’s only going to get worse if I keep going.
Bumper stickers”
“We live up to our promises, even if you don’t”
“One day you’re there, next day you’re here”
What about
“Kidneys on a Keychain”,
“Liver Lapel Pins”,
matching set of “Ovary Shaped Earrings” ?
Or a bumper sticker “Honk if you’re Having a Heart attack”.
Thanks for the coffee!!
T-shirt:
“Hold still — you won’t feel a thing.”
You know how companies can get their logo on the label of bottled water? Well, how about the 1-800-AUTOPSY logo on giveaway bottles of Vicks Vapo-Rub? Isn’t that what all the cool coroners schmear below their nose before they start cuttin’?
Dear BOSSY,
We are so pleased to be featured on I Am Bossy today. Our marketing department has had little success in accessing the fast-growing and quickly-evolving online blogging community. We would be very pleased to offer you an exclusive giveaway opportunity to be featured on a future I Am Bossy post. We can offer various products for giveaways including, but not limited to:
cancerous lungs for educational purposes
innovative and life-like decor for Halloween parties
discounted glass eyes and heart valves
high quality dentures
and souvenir bullets and knife blades
We would welcome the opportunity to discuss how 1-800-AUTOPSY and I Am Bossy might collaborate to create a synergistic approach to web marketing.
Best regards,
M. Blamer
Online Marketing Associate
You know who needs an autopsy??!! The Random Number Generator – that’s who. Oh yeah, you heard me.
Good ones, Maria!
I think an autopsy gift card would be kind of like insurance….it would be there in case you needed it, and your loved ones wouldn’t have to pay out pocket.
I hear Fiickle’s family is having to shell out a pretty penny for his extra autopsies. If only someone had given him a gift card.
i don’t think that photo is of an autopsy. an autopsy wouldn’t have someone holding an ether cone over the patient’s face (with the face turned sideways enabling the patient to get air in the mix and not smother on ether fumes). that appears to be a surgery class, not an anatomy class with a cadaver.
just fyi.
i wonder if i feature the travelling autopsy people on my blog, would they offer to do a give-away too? i doubt it. i kinda wonder what canada customs would think of an educational cancerous lung.
I’m just hoping the gift section includes a snappy Cuisinart like the one they appear to be using in the photo which I’m sure is handy for spleen soup and elbow pate’. Or aortic valve blintzes. Or pituitary gland enchiladas. Ok I’ll stop.
OMG Bossy – you and your fan are hil-ar-i-ous!
Baby Favorite – I just spit chocolate out my nose, thank you very much!
I was thinking more along the lines of buy-one-get-one-free specials or a FINIAL final keepsake photograph.
yikes!! too many speeling errors I must apologize!
“fanS”
“FINAL”
oh – just THANK YOU – that was hysterical!! You people are FUNNY!!
Maybe if the gift certificate is at the $300 level, they’ll throw in free Crocs for the burial? Cork, of course, just in case you wished to be cremated. Anything for the environment…
Did you know “gift” means “poison” in german? That makes perfect sense. I still don’t get why they’re looking for people to donate organs though – my granny has one but she’s alive and kicking.
Love the tshirt concepts listed; wish I’d read this post sooner!!! My initial thought before reading all the comments was a gift certificate for services….perfect gift to give someone you don’t really like. Commemorative jewelry is always a hot seller with various organs, and a DIY scalpel tweezer and saw set may be a huge hit out in the midwest. And of course, the ever popular tshirts…may I add “Time Passes,…..So Did You!!!”
Gift catalog?!
Thank you for the coffee.
That was the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time.
OK folks..these were the most brilliant comments yet…
funny funny stuff.
Bossy, check out the LA Coroners gift store. I have a shirt and some misc. office products from there. It’s called Skeletons in the closet. I’m not kidding.
http://www.amazon.com/V-E-Ralph-Convenience-Vomit-Disposal/dp/B0029P0VEE/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1246374795&sr=8-3
barf bags. Personalized of course.
I love the tee shirt idea from #16.
And the steak knives!
What about taxidermy services?
(ew)
Bossy, I put in my 2 cents and then went about the rest of my birthday. (!) Thanks so much for linking today to all these comments. Soooo clever. Laughing out loud and nothing abbreviated about it at all! Best. blog. ever.
25/Deborah, I actually ditched Bossy and all the commenters to tour, slack-jawed with amazement, through the coroner’s website. That’s a gem of a find. Then I posted the link on facebook. Just paying it forward…
For Christmas they could offer gifts for people who have everything :
-his and hers matching bodybags in crushed velvet
-engraved sterling scalpels
-deluxe DVDs of loved ones’ autopsies with special features menu
I missed this yesterday too. I’ve got to be more thorough when visiting Bossy’s site.
I wonder if you cant take them up on the webmarketing thing. Maybe work it into the Povety Party by offering a Do-It-Yourself kit for the recently bereaved. Poverty Partiers could save some serious coin.
I mean, you’re probably in a bad mood already from dealing with all the death stuff. How much worse can it get? Go ahead-just do the damned autopsy yourself. Everyone can bring a covered dish and make a day of it.
On a semi-related tangent, have you been to the Mutter Museum in Philly? Somehow, I feel that I would like to see a post from you about it.
A gift catalog…seriously?
I don’t know anyone I dislike enough to send a gift to, from a mobile morgue. Ewwwwww.
I’m thinking something along the lines of gaily coloured plastic aprons and matching goggles for onlookers at the autopsy (for some reason I have a mental image of clearing off the kitchen table to investigate poor Aunt Margaret’s cold corpse). And some CD’s of appropriate autopsy music… “The First Cut is the Deepest”??
🙂
BB
@57 LOL, love your musicsuggestion
Can we follow it up with: Only women bleed?
I was going to attempt something humorous, but after reading #35, I’m not even going to try.
Well played, #35, well played indeed.
they actually sell your average gift store stuff, like t shirts, key chains, cups…etc i get free stuff from them all the time at funeral director conventions.
Maybe they don’t sell anything. Who would want to buy something from a website called 1800autopsy? It’s probably just a test. When you click it, there’s just a graphic that says “Eww, you’re weird!”
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