What have we here, you may be asking yourself, and why the scattering of audience? Why it’s the annual Independence Day fire safety enactment in Bossy’s neighborhood, where the local fire department demonstrates
how to set fire to your house what to do in case of a fire emergency.
Before we begin, Bossy would like to tell you a few facts about the scattering of audience.
Without further delay, let’s return to the fire department demonstration. Shall we begin? First some pointing happens. Nearly an hour of pointing while the scattering of audience plus heaps more audience acquires heat stroke and dies.
Next the fire department purchases a brother and sister to place in the burning building, and then they hose down the walls with lighter fluid:
Then the fire department guys step away from the stage set and the cheerful brother and sister happily climb into their twin bed together, much as they would do at home.
Next the brother and sister decide to plug their new high-definition television set into a frayed extension cord which they place under the tattered rug where it can be stepped on for all eternity. Don’t do it brother and sister!
And then, owing to the frayed extension cord and the tattered rug and the detonation button located ten yards to the right, this happens:
Do the brother and sister make it out alive? Before Bossy continues, she will now give her council the same quiz the fire department gave the scattering of audience with audience with heat stroke:
- What is the first thing you should do when you smell smoke?
Wrong! You touch the door handle to see if it’s hot.
- If the door handle is not hot, what is the next thing you do?
Wrong! You drop to all fours and crawl out of the room.
- What do you do if the door handle is hot?
Who in hellville knows, the fire department forgot to include that question. Ah well, it’s probably not that important.
Meanwhile, Bossy doesn’t want to keep you in suspense a second longer regarding the outcome of the brother and the sister and the frayed and the tattered! Here’s exactly what happened:
And then something, let’s just say interesting, happened:
And just when Bossy thought all of the smoke had cleared and it was safe to walk forward and steal the cute wicker chair for her screened-in porch, this happened:
But fear not, for this is when the fire truck materialized to save the day!
With just a small gargantuan effort, the fire was extinguished in no time:
And finally, the three heroic fire fighters perform an overhaul, which means to prod and disassemble all of the room’s contents to make certain there are no smoldering remains.
km saysJuly 8, 2009 at 8:51 am
I’m so impressed that you knew this was an overhaul. It is my FF husband’s least favorite thing to do. The biggest lesson for kids in this is for the love of Mike, don’t hide under the bed !!!!!
I am also so impressed by your “block” party. How big is the blocky Bossy????? Is there a high rise on it?
Please invite us next year.
Bossy's Daughter saysJuly 8, 2009 at 8:53 am
yay! they made it out alive!
kidsmom saysJuly 8, 2009 at 9:04 am
I’m still stuck on the freaky baby doll. Bleh.
Debby saysJuly 8, 2009 at 9:20 am
I’m still stuck on the super model
carson saysJuly 8, 2009 at 9:27 am
So were they giving away free food or something?
krg saysJuly 8, 2009 at 9:35 am
I love you bossy. and yoru neighborhood too.
Philly saysJuly 8, 2009 at 9:44 am
Stop, Drop and Roll
the cheap chick saysJuly 8, 2009 at 10:03 am
What a cheap and fabulous form of entertainment! I wonder if I can have them perform at my next birthday party… Oh, and do they do weddings? Bar Mitzvahs? This is fine family fun 🙂
MariaV saysJuly 8, 2009 at 10:10 am
Yeah for the successful rescue and evacuation.
Is it terrible that the baby doll is scaring me a little?
Almudena saysJuly 8, 2009 at 10:20 am
Perhaps the picture of the baby doll was taken after it too was set on fire??
Hokie Deb (www.WebSavyMom.com) saysJuly 8, 2009 at 10:28 am
–>I love Bossy’s Neighborhood. Are there any houses for sale?
Wait, nevermind, I Hate moving.
vuboq saysJuly 8, 2009 at 10:57 am
mmmm. firefighters! were they cute? and single?
Grandma J saysJuly 8, 2009 at 11:25 am
My husband was a FF, and the most impressive is the Christmas demo, when the friggin tree explodes. The reason Grandma J always has an artificial tree…but a nice one.
RuthWells saysJuly 8, 2009 at 11:34 am
You know that the future supermodel’s mom is a model, right? In junior high, she looked just like her daughter does now.
Stacey Ball saysJuly 8, 2009 at 11:46 am
Man, I must have inhaled too much smoke during that demo of the demo because I am feeling very light headed and confused all of a sudden!
Teri saysJuly 8, 2009 at 12:01 pm
Were the fireman hot? not heat hot, but hot hot?
Sara S saysJuly 8, 2009 at 12:02 pm
The “what starts with ‘f’ and ends with ‘-uck'” joke only works with “firetruck,” not “fire suppressor!”
Reeb saysJuly 8, 2009 at 12:10 pm
1. I think Baby Doll forgot to crawl out of the burning room, and so singed off most of her hair.
2. I’m gullible / dumb: so, was the burning bedding intended to be part of the show, or an added exciting unexpected bonus? As I say, me=g/d.
3. A friend’s house caught on fire, and his 7-8 year old who had just been through this training in school led the family in proper evacuation procedures, shouting “Dad! Touch the door knob first!” [When Dad would have plunged on through.] “Dad, get on your hands and knees!” when the smoke really was thick up there in the dad-o-sphere. Good training!
4. Bossy is making this neighborhood up.
David saysJuly 8, 2009 at 12:14 pm
I got all the answers right, so there! Pbbbt.
Of course, my first thought when the happy brother and sister got in bed together was “ew, incest.”
I assume the firefighters will be joining us for cocktails on Saturday, yes?
Cactus Petunia saysJuly 8, 2009 at 12:37 pm
I remember seeing a 60 Minutes program on fire safety years ago, a valuable lesson.
But why couldn’t they sacrifice an UGLY chair?
joeinvegas saysJuly 8, 2009 at 12:45 pm
The important question, did Bossy get the chair?
MarathonMom saysJuly 8, 2009 at 12:53 pm
Oh so that’s why they invented wicker. I get it now.
Jacquie saysJuly 8, 2009 at 1:01 pm
I love me some firefighters. It’s a career that all ugly people should seek, because it automatically amps up one’s hot quotient like you read about.
Glad the kids lives. And if your door handle is hot, opt for a dramatic window escape.
Meredith saysJuly 8, 2009 at 2:08 pm
David of Comment #19 mentions Firefighters joining Bossy for drinks? The Council demands a post about those happenings next week.
Cheri @ Blog This Mom! saysJuly 8, 2009 at 2:48 pm
I laughed so hard I almost peed. (Not really.) (Yes, really.)
Martie saysJuly 8, 2009 at 5:19 pm
What an exciting way to spend an afternoon. So, how long did it take to clear out all those people? They have to call in crowd control?
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysJuly 8, 2009 at 5:35 pm
If the door handle is hot, you simply bend over and kiss your ass goodbye.
Just before that happens, you’ll just barely be able to make out that little girl’s Devil Baby cackling through the flames, because that thing is straight from Hellville.
Caroline saysJuly 8, 2009 at 5:41 pm
You tell a story better than anybody I know, and I know some serious storytellers.
feefifoto saysJuly 8, 2009 at 9:07 pm
This is your NEIGHBORHOOD, you say? We have five houses in our neighborhood, including our own, and we don’t socialize with ourselves. Not counting pets, our neighborhood population hovers around, say, 11.
Cupcake Murphy saysJuly 8, 2009 at 10:29 pm
Bossy is so funny she makes my head catch on fire from the sizzling stories she tells.
unbalanced libran saysJuly 9, 2009 at 5:42 am
Im still stuck on scattering…shouldn’t that be smattering as in ‘a small number or amount of something’ ?
oh I just looked up scattering on the ever reliable wiki…means the same thing!
William saysJuly 9, 2009 at 8:06 am
What? No roasting Marshmallows?
Rorrington the Fireman saysJuly 9, 2009 at 8:49 am
True Story: I come from a family of Volunteer Firefighters. We did a similar demo during Fire Prevention Week one year, and as I’d had radio experience, I got to be the announcer. My Stupid Brother was to be the passed-out “victim” in a car fire, so he climbed into the back seat (With gear/WITHOUT an Air-Pak) and, unbeknownst to the rest of us, LOCKED the doors. The Chief lit the car afire (with gasoline) and the “Rescuers” went to get the “victim” out, but the doors were locked. Me, being his brother, thought it was pretty funny until the fire got HUGE, and he was still “passed out” in the back seat. I finally said, over the P.A. system, “You guys better get him out, or Joe (our Dad) is gonna be pissed.” They eventually smashed the window, unlocked the door and dragged Dennis out. I got reprimanded by the Chief for saying “pissed” aloud. Good times, good times…
KM saysJuly 9, 2009 at 10:02 am
Rorrington, that cracked me up. Did you see the Rescue Me firetruck hijack? Community service gone awry:)
My husband just had a structure fire where the guy ran out of the burning house and LOCKED the front door after him. Hmmmmm……. Right……
Anna K saysJuly 9, 2009 at 10:11 am
this is one of your funniest ever.
kimi saysJuly 9, 2009 at 10:15 am
The Chair! The Chair!
Ungirdled saysJuly 9, 2009 at 10:27 am
Freaky dolls, future supermodels, FIRE! What a visual feast!
ShallowGal saysJuly 9, 2009 at 12:36 pm
I feel safer already
reen saysJuly 9, 2009 at 1:53 pm
I need to get some cute firefighters to come do this demo at my house. So the bed and the chair – were those accidental, like the detonator mishap, or part of the drill?
ScottsdaleGirl saysJuly 9, 2009 at 6:43 pm
That future supermodel better unscrunch her forehead. Or it’s BOTOX for her.
Susanne Hill saysJuly 9, 2009 at 9:35 pm
Awesome post and comments!!! Bossy, you ROCK!!!!!
Mack saysJuly 9, 2009 at 11:19 pm
Bossy is so young at heart. Makes me wish Bossy was a neighbor lady to drink wine with and laugh at the neighborhood.
Deece saysJuly 12, 2009 at 8:49 am
Ha ha, first suppressor.
Well Read Hostess saysJuly 12, 2009 at 12:28 pm
You know that her mom is an actual model, right?
Someday WRH will show Bossy the yearbook from 1983 in which mother is the daughter’s twin.
Meg saysJuly 13, 2009 at 11:56 am
OK first of all, boys and girls never watch TV together in a bedroom. Just doesn’t happen.
Second, if the bedroom set was from Bed Bath & Beyond, they missed a golden opportunity for free publicity! I’d’ve hung a sign “sponsed by BB&B” or something.
Third, really? This happens in your neighborhood? This NEVER happens where I live. I want to live in Bossy’s ‘hood.
amy saysAugust 23, 2009 at 11:05 pm
As the wife of a FF (who lusts after all handsome FF’s) I would have loved to be there..