It is said that the eyes are the windows of the soul. And if that’s the case then Bossy’s are covered with bacon fingerprints and dog drool:
As we age, the muscles of the eye lose their elasticity which reduces our ability to focus at different distances:
But according to sources, eye exercises can tone these rigid muscles and improve vision. And by sources Bossy is referring to everyone not in the lucrative Lasik Surgery business. Because those guys think eye yoga is a crock of slow-roasted malarkey. With beans.
- To begin, sit erect with hands on your knees. Make sure to keep the head still but relaxed. Roll the eyes. Which you are already doing at the thought of maintaining an erect but relaxed posture with some still on the side. And P.S.—already Bossy has failed.
Next look as far to the right as you can. And then as far to the left as you can. Look up to the right, then move the eyes diagonally down to the left, up to the left, diagonally down to the right, across to the left and finish on the right left right righty right lefty left. Are we relaxed yet?
Repeat several times but stop if you feel any discomfort. Or are throwing up between your knees.
- Now look straight ahead and—as if looking at a clock—look up to twelve o’clock and roll your eyes slowly around in a clockwise direction. Don’t forget to blink. And breathe. Repeat 4 or 5 times if possible, gaining speed after each round. Then repeat in a counterclockwise direction. When you get to quarter past five it is Happy Hour. The end.
- Next: hold a pencil against the tip of your nose. Move the pencil away from your face until the instant it is in sharp focus. Now locate a clearly visible point in the distance. Alternate your focus several times between these two focal points, blinking between each shift. And breathing. In a relaxed erect way.
- After completing these exercises it is important to relax the eyes. You can accomplish this by shutting the eyes as tightly as possible and holding the position for up to five seconds. Open and blink rapidly a few times. Alternative eye relaxing technique: watching the Little People, Big World marathon on TLC.
More Information About Eye Yoga Although At This Point Reading Glasses Are Looking A Whole Lot Easier.
The Domestic Goddess saysAugust 13, 2009 at 7:46 am
I’m all for #4. Except it was House Hunters, my secret obsession. Except I just told the whole Internets so I guess it ain’t so secret anymore.
Deidre saysAugust 13, 2009 at 8:01 am
I had a teacher in high school who did eye yoga and now doesn’t need glasses. I used to do it and I just got blinder…so um, good luck. Maybe its like real yoga – tough at first? but then oh so worth it?
Cat saysAugust 13, 2009 at 8:59 am
My yoga instructor sometimes has us do this during shevastina, and I always thought she was trying to deny me my well earned nap at the end of yoga. I guess she was trying to make me not blind as a bat.
Mel saysAugust 13, 2009 at 9:48 am
Number 3 is the only one that might actually have some potential to work the muscles primarily involved in focusing, since those muscles are all inside the eye.
Debby saysAugust 13, 2009 at 9:56 am
I think #4 should read: “You can accomplish this by shutting the eyes as tightly as possible and holding the position for up to five HOURS” The end.
Martie saysAugust 13, 2009 at 10:20 am
Reading glasses these days are so darn cute. These aren’t your mama’s reading glasses. Plus some men (my geeky husband) finds glasses sexy. Poor, desperate souls.
Gail K. saysAugust 13, 2009 at 10:46 am
I heart Bossy’s positioning for step 4. Roll self up in a blanket, cocoon style, while watching ones favorite marathon.
Laurellee saysAugust 13, 2009 at 11:05 am
That gave me a headache. Fark that business.
V. saysAugust 13, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Unfortunately, it’s the hardening of the crystaline structure in the lens that’s making you nearsighted, not your eye muscles. But who knows, maybe big strong muscles can help.
Cheri @ Blog This Mom! saysAugust 13, 2009 at 1:37 pm
The beauty of needed reading glasses at this point is that without them I don’t have to be reminded of my chin hairs every time I look in the mirror.
That is all.
Leslie saysAugust 13, 2009 at 5:01 pm
Wonderful, just one more list of exercises to ignore 😛
kimi saysAugust 13, 2009 at 5:06 pm
They do work. I wore glasses from the age of 7 – 18, at which point I started to do aforementioned eye exercises and voila – 41 + and I am still eye glass/contact free. (knock on wood) 🙂
Reeb saysAugust 13, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Think this might help the groin muscle that I sorta pulled in yoga last week?
Meg at the Members Lounge saysAugust 13, 2009 at 6:46 pm
Reading glasses = new best friend for reading medicine labels.
PS. Oprah is usually.my cue for cocktail hour. Reruns screw things up in the time/space continuum.
APeetsMom saysAugust 13, 2009 at 8:01 pm
Very funny! I actually tried this…I am a sucker for following directions and bossy knows it! …I still think I need some reading glasses…
Emily saysAugust 13, 2009 at 9:31 pm
I had to do those exercises too when I was a teenager because I had weak eye muscles. I guess they worked…
sarah saysAugust 13, 2009 at 11:29 pm
Funny….Just ran into those little people today! I live in Oregon and they were out and about shopping for soccer cleats!
ZDub saysAugust 14, 2009 at 2:06 am
I really tried this and it hurt my eyes.
I have worn contacts since I was 12 and I am BLIND.
I think I’m too far gone.
And I love Little People, Big World. It kinda makes me wish I was a little person and lived on their farm. I would sell the shit out of their little people pumpkins.
Oh, look, it’s happy hour…
sugarpie saysAugust 14, 2009 at 7:38 am
I asked my eye doctor (who’s also a med. school prof. and doesn’t do laser surgery) about these exercises a couple of years ago. Sadly, no…
Dawn in Austin saysAugust 14, 2009 at 8:01 am
I quit at Happy Hour. Was there more?
josh saysAugust 14, 2009 at 10:13 am
No one I have such a youthful face and great vision…I am constantly rolling my eyez while I’m on the subway. Every little ting en el mundo irritatez me, so I just put on my aviator shades and silently judge every single person that comez mah way.
Tanx for sharing! Now I can just call it “exercise” instead of “being a prick.”
pam saysAugust 14, 2009 at 1:39 pm
My son ,who has some vision challenges, did 12 weeks of vision therapy(training) and it really helped his focusing , tracking, and eye teaming. He was 9 at the time. After 40, alas dear Bossy, it’s a whole different kettle o’ fish-the eyes just can’t accommodate any more.
Leah saysAugust 14, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Great– my abs are jelly, my biceps are floppy and my neck makes Nora Ephron feel better about herself, but now I can make my eyes shape up?? Stop the madness!
Lesley saysAugust 14, 2009 at 11:50 pm
This post is TIMELY, as I’m actually going to the eye doctor tomorrow due to a little condition I like to call Oopsie – I Have Accidentally Gone Blind! Apparently that rumor about things being all downhill in the vision department once you hit 40 is true. Four months in and I’ve gone down the hill and over the cliff. Need Coke bottle eyeglasses. And eye yoga. But without Bossy, I would have thought I needed only the first!
Audrey at Barking Mad saysAugust 15, 2009 at 8:10 pm
I’m dizzy, can I stop now?
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysAugust 15, 2009 at 11:23 pm
Kevin Bacon’s fingerprints are causing me to drool.
This is what I see when I read Bossy’s second sentence.
Do they make corrective lenses for this? If so, don’t order me any.
Life with Kaishon saysAugust 16, 2009 at 1:28 am
You are always so funny!
I haven’t seen the Little People in a while.
I miss them : )
thatgirlblogs saysAugust 16, 2009 at 12:03 pm
that surgery scares me. what if they accidentally lasered my nose off? actually, if they could take a little off the eyebrows I’d be OK with that.
kaxpac saysAugust 17, 2009 at 12:56 am
Rosie saysAugust 17, 2009 at 8:35 am
Please post today so I’m not grossed out by the slime and bacon window.