Recently Bossy’s household was awarded the privilege of three months of free HBO, where privilege and free equal the $130 a month Bossy pays to curse her remote control, ignore her ringing phone, and experience failed transmissions while trading music with friends through Instant Message,
not that Bossy partakes in the giving or receiving of pirated material — are you kidding, not on her house!
In her house, maybe. Not on it.
But back to HBO: when Bossy talks about receiving free HBO, she’s not just referring to one HBO channel, because one cable channel per network is so 1986 old-fashioned-ish. No, Bossy is talking about 30 thirty treinta dertig trente dreißig draysik trettio different HBO channels.
And guess what? Each and every one of those thirty HBO channels feature completely different movies! Until you actually track the schedule for more than 24 consecutive hours! And then you discover, no, it’s not thirty distinctly different HBO channels, it’s one HBO channel, splintered into thirty pieces, playing the same movies over and over and sister mercy even Bossy isn’t that desperate over.
Except maybe Bossy is that desperate, as she’s been taking full advantage of her free HBO, a feat she accomplishes much like moviegoers in generations prior to the 1970s: Bossy isn’t picky regarding flicks already in progress. Because, chances are, if you wait three minutes, the same movie will repeat on a different channel! And this time you can catch the beginning, or start viewing at the end, or other cinematic permutations regarding Dear PBS Bossy misses you.
And this is how it’s come to pass that Bossy has seen many movies over the past few weeks, such as Slum Dog Millionaire and Ocean’s Thirteen and Marley & Me and Marley & Me and Marley & Me.
When it comes to choosing a movie, Bossy is very selective, in that the movie must be set in places and have people in them and stuff. Unless it’s a documentary, in which case none of that fluff is necessary.
Come along with Bossy as she investigates what’s on HBO!
First Bossy pulls-up the online program guide that comes free with her cable/phone/internet service, where free equals $130 a month. Shall we?
- When a wealthy financier from an upscale suburban neighborhood cheats on his wife… Maybe. But let’s keep looking.
- A woman who has attracted the attention of a local reporter by serving as a bridesmaid 27 times… Dumb.
- An evil crime syndicate… No.
- A reporter working in New York City returns to the small town in Maine… Maybe… where her mother has been accused of murdering… No.
- Three musical chipmunks… Sister mercy no.
- Two terminal cancer patients sneak out of the hospital to meet unfinished goals… Yeah, sounds great, only, right, maybe some other night. After Bossy hangs herself.
- The last surviving member of a family… Yes… of vampires… No.
- Un grupo de chicas chismosas de la alta sociedad, que frecuenten los desfiles de moda y loss alones lujosos deben buscar apoyo entre ellas cuando… No. Nein?
- A navy warship… No.
- A CIA operative… No.
- As an aging divorcee’s relationship with a younger man becomes more serious… Yes. Oh, yes.