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Ten-Word Tuesday. The Neighbor Edition

tiger-woods-graphic

By now you have all bathed in the story of the Windmere, Florida man who phoned 911 after his neighbor, Tiger Woods, was beaten with a golf club by his Swedish ex-model wife drove his Escalade into a tree.

Bossy has listened to the 911 tape, and she has only this to say: When Bossy is high on pain killers and having an affair with a nightclub promoter named Rachel and Bossy’s husband lashes Bossy about the face and Bossy careens down the driveway to escape his angry blows and Bossy’s husband goes off looking for her in a golf cart after Bossy first crashes into a fire hydrant and then a tree and Bossy’s husband has to break-out the back window of her SUV and pull her from the car and then leave her unconscious on the lawn, Bossy hopes her neighbors are more focused than the nice folks in the Isleworth subdivision.

Of course Tiger Woods’ poor neighbor — who told the 911 operator helpful things like “he hit a tree” while failing to mention there was a car involved — probably never imagined the need to phone 911 for a neighbor when he purchased his municipal library home:

tiger-woods-house

One time many years ago in a land far away, Bossy’s neighbor knocked on her door. She told Bossy she was packing up and leaving her husband who was very dangerous and no telling what he might do, driven to rage and embarrassment as he was with a hastily departing family, and you have a nice day! And with that she turned on her heels and spun rubber on her way to a new life.

For weeks that bled into months, Bossy kept a vigil at her window, making note of this man’s comings and goings for the imagined court case. One time Bossy was so flustered by the sudden appearance of his car during a weekday afternoon — a weekday afternoon, people! — that she stumbled down her back porch steps and twisted her ankle in a way that left Bossy on crutches for an interminable amount of time, leaving her with nothing to do but watch the O.J. Simpson trial and oh yeah, did Bossy fail to mention the entire country was a little on edge regarding domestic violence?

Needless to say so Bossy will say it anyway, the neighbor incident passed without note — and then that particular neighbor moved and then Bossy moved and more moving was involved and even more moving, although not necessarily in that order.

Bossy can sum up her relationship with her current neighbors in this way: The patience of saints, what with Bossy’s constant carrying on.

Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you share some neighbor stories with Bossy and her council?

And don’t forget to check back later today for the neighboriest comments on the web.

If you missed last week’s challenge, it’s because there was no challenge! But if you missed the week before, click here to find out how Bossy’s readers would fill in the blank, I love you but…

Reader Interactions

Comments

  49. unemployed, crazy, boozing, abusive common-law-relationship, annoying doorbell-ringing-at-all-hours, no car, can-you-give-me-a-ride-to-the-liquor-store?

    Reply

  51. Told downstairs neighbors that some Phila. Orchestra members were coming over to jam….taking the heat off the actual rock and rollers….

    Reply

  94. Stole our (barking) dog. Dropped him 50 miles away. But we found him 3 months later (he was well taken care of, in Pacific Palasades, mind you).

    Reply

  109. horrible little bleep-heads that ring doorbell at 7 a.m. on Sunday!!!

    threw dead garden snakes on them from roof of house as paybacik!!

    Reply

  125. Totally insane, pot smoking, lingerie wearing, drunk–hallway hanging–over-chatter!

    (In other words it’s not unusual to see her in her intimates at 10am when she’s drunk, high and interested in conversation. I hide from her.)

    Reply

  126. noise complaints over band, our van rolled into her house

    (live in boyfriend had band practice in the middle of the day, she complained that she couldn’t hear her soaps over the noise and would call the cops repeatedly; one day the boyfriend forgot to put on the parking brake and our van rolled down our driveway, through her fence, and into her laundry room. Woops.)

    Reply

  137. South of me. 2 boys who will end up in jail by the time they are 15. It runs in the family. Behind me. Couple who think the lot line is 5 feet closer to me then it is. North of me. Very old and very cranky couple who I don’t think will ever die. Across the street from me. Very nice couple. They moved away. Don’t know who is moving in. Sorry but I can’t keep it under 10.

    Reply

  138. 1. Acre+, dont know them. I just like my own friends.

    2. Probably why all my “neighbors” chose to live around here.

    3. Also, man I feel bad for some of Bossys readers.

    Reply

  145. Roses, our side of fence, “scratched her.” So she poisoned them.

    (We wondered why she was reaching so far through fence.)

    We weren’t exactly sad when she moved to The Home.

    Next: a huge, fun, Hispanic family who fed and beered us.

    Reply

  176. neighbor one: Meth addict who set our fence on fire
    #2-nickname Dick, because he is one
    #3-Mole People,hang dolls from their ceiling by the neck.

    Reply

  194. Wow. I’m way late on this one, but can’t resist because no one can beat mine.

    R Durst. Wealthy schizophrenic killer transvestite, His wife still missing.

    Reply

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