Bossy has a friend. And this friend is in a bit of a pickle over recent events.
Wait — before Bossy begins she should say this: you know how people say I have a friend and then they go on to say something egregious even though Bossy isnt sure what egregious means and you sit there the whole time listening and thinking They are actually talking about themselves?
Well Bossy is not talking about herself.
And if you are a friend of Bossy’s, this is not Bossy’s way of giving you bad news, so all of you just relax. No, this is actually a friend of a friend of a friend story, with another friend thrown in for added complication.
Here’s the deal:
Bossy has a friend. A friend who is not herself. And this friend has a friend who is dating someone. And — maybe this would be easier if Bossy were to illustrate:
And this Bossy has a friend who is not herself:
And this friend of Bossy’s who is not herself also has a friend:
And this friend of a friend is seeing someone. Do people still see people? It’s been a long time since Bossy dated:
But recently… wait, let’s go back to Bossy’s friend who is not herself:
Because this friend has yet another friend:
And this friend with enormous eyes was out one night when he spied the person who is dating Bossy’s friend’s friend:
Except this person who is dating Bossy’s friend’s friend was there with someone else:
So now back to Bossy’s friend who is not herself:
Bossy’s friend who is not herself was told all about this night and now he doesn’t know what to do. He is confused if he should tell his friend about the fact that the love interest was spied out with someone else:
Bossy can summarize her position on this dilemma in the following way: Sure, why not kill two precious hours drawing stick figures?
Which is what today’s Ten-Word Challenge is all about. In exactly ten words, can you please help Bossy’s friend make the decision: should he tell his friend that the love interest is cheating? Feel free to share your personal experience with this problem.
And be sure to check back later today for the sagest comments on the web.
If you missed last week’s Ten-Word Challenge, you didn’t miss much. Just kidding! You missed The Meaning of Life. Click here to read it in ten words.
Tricia saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:41 am
Maybe it was his sister. Stay out of it. it.
Jill saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:41 am
why get entangled in something ugly and sad? keep out.
Martha in Kansas saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:44 am
One word advice: MYOB. Let it happen.
WebSavvyMom saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:45 am
–>Mention you spotted the person out. Leave it at that.
heidi saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:46 am
do not tell, or friend will lose friendship with friend.
The Great Getzby saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:51 am
Do not tell — possibly, though, point in the right direction.
Philly saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:52 am
As in the wise words of Jenny, Run Forrest, Run !
jaded16 saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:54 am
Use friend of friend theory to illustrate point/stay out.
Brava97 saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:54 am
I cannot limit myself to 10 words on this subject. TELL. Especially because they’re only dating. What if this friend of a friend of a friend goes on to marry a cheater but doesn’t know they’re marrying a cheater? Cheating is a lot more painful and damaging in marriage than it is in dating. So TELL.
Someone tried to tell me that my husband was cheating but the voice mail was intercepted by said cheater. I could have known YEARS before I found out on my own. I’m grateful to the person who tried to tell me, even though I don’t know him. I’ll never forgive my husband for standing in the way of that discovery.
Dish on Design Gal saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:55 am
WOW. Glad you all are not my friends. Friends tell.
Melizzard saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:56 am
Unless you have all the details stay out of it
leslie saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:57 am
How do you know they are not just good friends?
Amy saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:59 am
Sack up and spill the beans. Then pour a drink.
rockle saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:01 am
I stay outta that stuff because it never ends well.
Owengirl79 saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:01 am
Tell gently so friend can make choices based on reality.
Angela saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:03 am
“You two still dating? Steve saw Sandy with some guy.”
(adjust for gender, couldn’t tell from the drawings.)
Nancy saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:10 am
e-mail friend Bossy’s post of today.
Lauren saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:11 am
Being the last to know sucks. Take it from me.
There, that was my 10 words.
But here’s another ten words to clarify.
SWEET MONKEYS & RED WINE, TELL THEM ALREADY!
lazuette saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:11 am
Tell potential cheater how it looked; PC confess or clarify.
Lizzy saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:12 am
Undecided, though quite possible I will lose sleep over it.
Betsey saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:13 am
Things are seldom what they seem. Wise words from _Pinafore_.
Betsey saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:15 am
Too much indirection – believe only first-person sightings – keep mouth zipped.
MidLifeMama saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:19 am
Been there, done that. I told, we are still friends.
Becky saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:22 am
Assuming they’re exclusive, tell. I would’ve liked to have known,.
Mary K saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:26 am
Tell immediately. Waiting isn’t kind; can imply complicity. NOT appreciated.
BOSSY saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:28 am
Bossy is about not telling. Possible miscommunication, not witnessed firsthand.
Jonathan saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:30 am
Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes No Yes Maybe …..
Well Read Hostess saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:31 am
Run, run like the wind. Unless it’s my husband, in which case. Call.
allison in houston saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:38 am
Hey, I saw friend of friend the other night!
With some guy/girl–couldn’t see who.
Let friend decide if he/she needs to know anything else and he/she can ask his/her friend.
Not 10. I know.
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:46 am
A simple statement-not accusatory since we don’t know- suffices.
Catherine McP saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:47 am
Unless you got the facts Jack, stay out of it!
Reeb saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:47 am
My current crisis one-person-removed: friend’s daughter + her creepy husband.
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:49 am
If it’s innocent, no harm no foul. But if not…
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:51 am
If someone would have told me, I’d have been grateful.
Jean saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:51 am
I’ll always appreciate the person who tried to tell me.
Boy, that was hard to figure out a way to write in 10 words!
Chesapeake Bay Woman saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:51 am
Because there’s nothing worse than being trapped with a cheater.
snowwhite saysMarch 30, 2010 at 11:58 am
Tough one…probably would not tell.. but watch like hawk.
Mary from California saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:01 pm
Do people still use the expression “mind your own beeswax”?
heidig saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:09 pm
you always remember the one imparting bad news. uh ha!
Meg at the Members Lounge saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:10 pm
Keep eyes peeled for actual confirmation, zip lips for now.
Jenn @ Juggling LIfe saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:11 pm
I think Allison, number 29, nailed it. Ditto from me.
Liz saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:15 pm
Ten words? How ’bout five: It’s always better to know.
ScottsdaleGirl saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:23 pm
Lauren saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:24 pm
Relationships are hard enough knowing where you stand, nevermind without.
Amy saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I dine with people who aren’t my spouse, but tell.
Kate saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:28 pm
Been there. Thankfully my friend told me. Nobody else would.
foolery saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:33 pm
I’m with Chesapeake Bay Woman, others. Tread lightly, no embellishment.
Tom saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:35 pm
Doesn’t matter gay or straight, a cheater is a cheater!
APeetsMom saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:50 pm
Would want to be told by person who actually witnessed.
Gramps saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:52 pm
Hell, it took me 5 minutes to figure out how to pronounce “egregious” so “HUH?”
bossy's friend amy saysMarch 30, 2010 at 12:55 pm
always sucks to be the last to know – take it from one who knows. always tell – if you witnessed said act – then absolutely tell.
cadiz12 saysMarch 30, 2010 at 1:00 pm
I’m with Lazuette. Tell cheater to clarify or tell her.
Manic Mommy saysMarch 30, 2010 at 1:08 pm
Friend should’ve said “hi”. Then ball is in cheater’s court.
Manic Mommy saysMarch 30, 2010 at 1:09 pm
Bonus words: If the friend is a good friend and the cheat-ee thinks the relationship with the cheat-er is going somewhere, tell.
Or as The Great Getzy wisely advises, point in the right direction. (His mom must be really, really smart.)
TanyaK saysMarch 30, 2010 at 1:14 pm
Matter of factly: “I saw your friend last night at ________. How are things going?
Tracy (Oklahoma) saysMarch 30, 2010 at 1:16 pm
Married friend who’s doing the same. No answers here. Conflicted.
Red Hamster saysMarch 30, 2010 at 1:28 pm
…wish someone had told me, but wouldn’t have believed them anyway… Sorry, too many words and not enough help.
Julie saysMarch 30, 2010 at 1:34 pm
Same situation here.
My mouth stayed shut.
Couple now divorced.
GrandeMocha saysMarch 30, 2010 at 1:42 pm
I agree with Angela #16.
cynthiagirl saysMarch 30, 2010 at 1:45 pm
I once told three gals their BF was also mine.
Bri saysMarch 30, 2010 at 1:57 pm
If you have an uneasy feeling about the sitch, tell.
janet saysMarch 30, 2010 at 2:01 pm
1. What you think you know is a rumor. Don’t spread..
janet saysMarch 30, 2010 at 2:02 pm
2. If there is cheating going on, she already knows it.
janet saysMarch 30, 2010 at 2:02 pm
3. Don’t embarass her by telling her what she already knows
Jim saysMarch 30, 2010 at 2:08 pm
I have a cheater next door to me and I try to let her huzzband know indirectly.
Dharmamama saysMarch 30, 2010 at 2:13 pm
Depends on depth of friendship. Good friend, tell. Acquaintance, nah.
middle-aged-woman saysMarch 30, 2010 at 2:25 pm
No ten words from me. I just have to ‘fess up that I thought “Bossy’s-friend-who-is-not-herself” meant that your friend was behaving oddly, and you wondered what was going on. As in “She’s just not herself these days.” Feeling like a dork, now, but a properly punctuated dork.
jewelee saysMarch 30, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Y to the E to the S to the exclamation.
Amelia saysMarch 30, 2010 at 3:03 pm
My friend tells me she would rather have been told.
Pamela saysMarch 30, 2010 at 3:05 pm
told babysitter her slampiece had a slampiece on saturday. argh.
Jami saysMarch 30, 2010 at 3:06 pm
If you don’t know what REALLY happened, don’t spread rumors.
Kirsten saysMarch 30, 2010 at 3:07 pm
I’m tipping over into telling, but without assuming the facts.
Chris saysMarch 30, 2010 at 3:18 pm
I keep wondering how you got such a big head?
sugarpie saysMarch 30, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Ugh. Been there. Keep encouraging the eyewitness to step up.
Brava97 saysMarch 30, 2010 at 3:41 pm
#63 janet said:
2. If there is cheating going on, she already knows it.
Are you EFFING kidding me, janet? I had no effing idea. Eff you.
V. saysMarch 30, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Tell. If it were you, you’d want to know. TELL.
Ruth saysMarch 30, 2010 at 4:04 pm
I agree MYOB as tough as that is, Nuff said,
Kathy saysMarch 30, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Tell–because I was the person being cheated on and I am so glad the friend told me.
GK in MI saysMarch 30, 2010 at 4:23 pm
Honesty is the best policy, even when it hurts. Tell.
Reeb saysMarch 30, 2010 at 4:51 pm
This is gonna be more than 10: a further development on my comment #32 (“dunno/ my friend’s daughter’s creepy husband etc”) …
Daughter’s Friend (“DF”) had a visitor to her house, who absolutely RECOILED at seeing photo of Daughter + Daughter’s Husband (“DH”) on her refrig. Apparently the visitor had a friend who had dated DH prior — I hope — to his marriage. There was an intervention because he was too controlling etc etc, all the stuff that Daughter has been learning the hard way, after the marriage.
Not sure if this relates or not. I need some stick figures to illustrate this please, Bossy. Okay, resume the 10-word thing.
BossysMom saysMarch 30, 2010 at 5:00 pm
no no no no no but do what Getzby said
jen saysMarch 30, 2010 at 5:18 pm
Unless you have absolute proof, do not tell. If it’s second-hand information, you could do more harm than good.
Such a dilemma. My husband’s best friend/boss cheated on his wife. Who was my good friend. I told her. She went to my husband for confirmation; he denied it. I lost a friend and almost a husband. Husband is still best friends with this guy. This guy also beat up his wife and lived with us for a month. Yeah, my husband also treats me like shit. But we have two kids.
Melis saysMarch 30, 2010 at 5:20 pm
If it were me, I’d want to know.
kathleen saysMarch 30, 2010 at 5:24 pm
If you tell, be prepared to lose a friend forever
kathleen saysMarch 30, 2010 at 5:27 pm
if you don’t , be prepared to lose her trust forever
kathleen saysMarch 30, 2010 at 5:30 pm
don’t say anything until you are really, completely sure…wait
Doug saysMarch 30, 2010 at 5:34 pm
If I didn’t see it, I don’t talk about it.
virginia saysMarch 30, 2010 at 5:34 pm
Say “big-eyes saw big-head with woman.” No speculation, just facts.
Bush Babe (of Granite Glen) saysMarch 30, 2010 at 5:41 pm
Gosh. Mention so-and-so saw him out. That’s all ‘they’ know.
jeanne Greenwald saysMarch 30, 2010 at 5:45 pm
I don’t know WHAT to say. This is so complicated.
Rachael saysMarch 30, 2010 at 6:25 pm
#34 said it all! Tell tell tell tell (tell)
krg saysMarch 30, 2010 at 6:36 pm
unless it is your sister’s prick of a husband, no.
jp saysMarch 30, 2010 at 6:44 pm
I told, bestfriend still not talking to me 25 yrs later!
(I would want to know so I could crush Husband with a cement block if true)
vuboq saysMarch 30, 2010 at 6:56 pm
Do the honorable thing: Kill the friend’s friend’s love interest.
(I kid! I kind! Violence is never the answer … unless the question is “What is never the answer?”)
Tami Wyatt saysMarch 30, 2010 at 7:56 pm
The witness should be the one to mention the sighting.
Coco saysMarch 30, 2010 at 8:01 pm
Telling what you don’t know is just telling a story.
Ain't Miss Beehaven saysMarch 30, 2010 at 9:38 pm
hmmmmmmmm…………tough one………probably not but a hint wouldn’t hurt!
Niki saysMarch 30, 2010 at 9:50 pm
No No No No No No No No No No!!!!!
Lynn saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:15 pm
You say no, but why you not want to know?
Lynn saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:18 pm
In this day and age NO ONE can afford to take those kinds of chances — and you KNOW what I’m talkin’ about!!!!
Marnie saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:22 pm
No way. Too many possibilities.
Katy saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:43 pm
Leave it. If witness tells, one thing. hearsay another.
Stepping out of ten words, the person that witnessed can swear to what they SAW, they can stand by absolute. What friend heard is another. If there was some kind of misconception friend will lose friend. If cheater convinces friend it was nothing, friend will lose friend. Leave it.
Kate saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:44 pm
I have a friend who is a very famous psychic. The best advice I ever heard her give, when her sister was in this situation, was that most everything that happens is between two people and if your not one of the people stay out of it. The girl did find out about the philandering on her own and the friendship was spared that messiness.
Hunter saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:46 pm
Peyton Place abounds. People love, hate, gossip, cheat, forgive… survive.
Cupcake Murphy saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:48 pm
If certain of cheating dear lord wouldn’t you wanna know?
Shelley saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:50 pm
If it were me, I’d want to know. The End.
goblinbox saysMarch 30, 2010 at 10:56 pm
@jewelee ROFL! You win.
Dawn in Austin saysMarch 31, 2010 at 1:08 am
Heresay not a good thing. You didn’t see, don’t tell.
Miss Spoken saysMarch 31, 2010 at 1:16 am
Ummm… since when is being seen equal to The Cheating?
a saysMarch 31, 2010 at 1:19 am
I put up with someone who cheated on me for far too long. I had no idea whatsoever. A clue from someone who knew anything would have been most helpful in ridding him far sooner than it did.
I think it depends on the relationship you have with the one who has been duped. My best friend? No question. My sister? Ditto… The the woman I barely know/like? Not so much.
Love the suggestion that one casually mentions how things are with X.. Feeling it out and if need be explaining what was heard lightheartedly.
a saysMarch 31, 2010 at 1:23 am
Thinking the Tiger Woods and Jesse James slutdom has opened our eyes to things that may be going on behind our backs and we have no clue of. Shocking displays of selfishness/ignorance/self importance and gratification.
Do you think Elin or Sandra would have liked a heads up? I think SO..
meleah rebeccah saysMarch 31, 2010 at 2:53 am
I only need one word to answer that question: YES
K saysMarch 31, 2010 at 9:16 am
Tell only what you know… saw so-and-so out with other.
Amelia saysMarch 31, 2010 at 3:10 pm
Jen #82: there are worse things than being alone. Take care of yourself.
linda dorris saysMarch 31, 2010 at 7:41 pm
I would want to be told.
Jodi saysMarch 31, 2010 at 9:48 pm
Tell what you know. Friends don’t leave friends in dark.
Meg saysApril 2, 2010 at 2:20 pm
If it’s hearsay, then don’t tell. Post on Facebook instead.
(KIDDING! Really. Sorry.)
ally tart check saysApril 2, 2010 at 10:41 pm
been there, done that. i told. we aren’t friends. ssshhh!
Janet saysApril 3, 2010 at 2:46 pm
Off subject, but I agree w/Amelia’s advice to Jen. Run, Jen, Run! And take your children and your husband’s boss/friend’s wife with you.
debby saysOctober 23, 2013 at 8:08 am
You cannot always believe your eyes. I’d talk to boyfriend.