Here’s everything Bossy knows about the Royal Wedding. Bossy is fifteen and she watches as the carriage delivers the princess-to-be across town into the arms of the manager of The Campus Disco:
But seriously. The groom of the current royal wedding is the son of Princess Diana, even though for some reason the other day Bossy and Bossy’s daughter couldn’t remember his name if their lives depended on it — and also the other day Bossy’s friend Amy said she was watching a mini-documentary about the young couple, but Bossy thought her friend Amy referred to them as Jon and Kate, and so Bossy thought her friend Amy was watching a show about The Gosselins.
But anyway. The groom. It’s Prince William. The son of Princess Diana.
Princess Diana was the sweetheart of many, but the poor dear was kind of a mess, until she got divorced, at which point she became less of a mess, but then it was too late. And then there’s him:
It’s the groom’s father, Prince Charles. He seems like a good chap. It’s not his fault he was in love with a married woman as a married man. But according to royal custom, Prince Charles wasn’t allowed to marry his married woman. They weren’t ever never ever allowed to marry. And then they were allowed to marry!
What else does Bossy know, you ask? Well. There was something about polo, something about men in kilts, and something about an aging queen.
And meanwhile, there’s a girl. A young bride. Bossy isn’t sure, but she thinks maybe she’s Elizabeth Hurley.
And they all live happily ever after. The end.