The way Bossy understands critical mass, which is the wrong way so trust her, it’s the minimum number of things necessary to produce a self-sustaining chain reaction.
Or in Bossy’s case, it’s the minimum number of things necessary to produce thumb-sucking.
Here’s what: toward the end of last week there was quite the storm in the Bossy neighborhood, and an enormous tree fell across the Bossy backyard:
If you are unfortunate enough to be one of Bossy’s close and personal friends, then you have received countless emails from Bossy with attached photos like the above with paragraphs of description meant to explain how this photo doesn’t even begin to illustrate the scale of this tree so quit trying to act like you understand.
It fell across the entire backyard, people, crushing fences and vegetable patches and garden sheds in its path.
Even when Bossy’s Friend Martha was standing in Bossy’s backyard looking at the tree, Bossy was all, You don’t understand how big it is!
One of Bossy’s friends was finally able to put it to rest by responding to Bossy’s photos in the following way: Epic!
So can we all agree a tree fell across Bossy’s backyard? Moving on to the next thing that conspired for critical mass on this Bossy Monday:
Bossy’s MacBook power cord blew up. You see, Bossy enjoys watching things while lying prostrate in bed, especially when those things are movies. And sometimes the computer power cord mechanism becomes so hot, twisted in Bossy’s blankets as it is, that Bossy often wonders if it will burst into flame.
And then Bossy awoke today to no internet in her house and do you know why? Anyone? Anyone? Because of the tree stretched across the entirety of Bossy’s backyard, that’s why! And more specifically, the tree guys who were extricating that tree from Bossy’s life, and with it extricating Bossy’s internet service.
Are we all together on this so far? A tree fell across Bossy’s backyard and then Bossy’s power cord blew and then Bossy lost internet.
But wait, there’s more!
Because then Bossy’s Great Dane with extra great began acting really strange, where acting strange equals not eating.
At first Bossy thought her lap pony was just nervous about stuff, for instance the thunderstorm and the tree splayed in the backyard and the bee that was flying around a distant flower in a nearby galaxy.
But then Bossy’s friend Martha was all, What if she has Lyme Disease — and nothing moves Bossy toward a medical appointment faster than the mention of deer ticks, isn’t that right Bossy’s friend Jeff?
So Bossy and her handsome Unhusband swapped cars so that Bossy could transport her Great Dane to the vet while preventing the proliferation of dog hair in her own car.
But then Bossy’s Unhusband noticed that Bossy’s car is also acting strange — not in a lost appetite way, but rather in a weird noise and unforgiving clutch way.
So Bossy’s Unhusband returned Bossy’s car to Bossy so she could await a mechanic appointment so the car can be fixed so Bossy can drive to the store and buy a new power cord.
Just like Bossy is awaiting the final removal of that tree. And awaiting a veterinary appointment and awaiting the return of internet connectivity to the Bossy homestead.
And these are the elements that converged on Bossy this morning in a critical mass way. Or maybe that’s not what critical mass means after all.
Bossy looked it up but she remains unclear — although you may be happy to know Merriam Webster thought it helpful to include a list of words that rhyme with critical mass, as follows:
Happy Monday, council!