Bossy had to abandon today’s post already in progress due to something she likes to call critical mass.
The way Bossy understands critical mass, which is the wrong way so trust her, it’s the minimum number of things necessary to produce a self-sustaining chain reaction.
Or in Bossy’s case, it’s the minimum number of things necessary to produce thumb-sucking.
Here’s what: toward the end of last week there was quite the storm in the Bossy neighborhood, and an enormous tree fell across the Bossy backyard:
If you are unfortunate enough to be one of Bossy’s close and personal friends, then you have received countless emails from Bossy with attached photos like the above with paragraphs of description meant to explain how this photo doesn’t even begin to illustrate the scale of this tree so quit trying to act like you understand.
It fell across the entire backyard, people, crushing fences and vegetable patches and garden sheds in its path.
Even when Bossy’s Friend Martha was standing in Bossy’s backyard looking at the tree, Bossy was all, You don’t understand how big it is!
One of Bossy’s friends was finally able to put it to rest by responding to Bossy’s photos in the following way: Epic!
So can we all agree a tree fell across Bossy’s backyard? Moving on to the next thing that conspired for critical mass on this Bossy Monday:
Bossy’s MacBook power cord blew up. You see, Bossy enjoys watching things while lying prostrate in bed, especially when those things are movies. And sometimes the computer power cord mechanism becomes so hot, twisted in Bossy’s blankets as it is, that Bossy often wonders if it will burst into flame.
And then Bossy awoke today to no internet in her house and do you know why? Anyone? Anyone? Because of the tree stretched across the entirety of Bossy’s backyard, that’s why! And more specifically, the tree guys who were extricating that tree from Bossy’s life, and with it extricating Bossy’s internet service.
Are we all together on this so far? A tree fell across Bossy’s backyard and then Bossy’s power cord blew and then Bossy lost internet.
But wait, there’s more!
Because then Bossy’s Great Dane with extra great began acting really strange, where acting strange equals not eating.
At first Bossy thought her lap pony was just nervous about stuff, for instance the thunderstorm and the tree splayed in the backyard and the bee that was flying around a distant flower in a nearby galaxy.
But then Bossy’s friend Martha was all, What if she has Lyme Disease — and nothing moves Bossy toward a medical appointment faster than the mention of deer ticks, isn’t that right Bossy’s friend Jeff?
So Bossy and her handsome Unhusband swapped cars so that Bossy could transport her Great Dane to the vet while preventing the proliferation of dog hair in her own car.
But then Bossy’s Unhusband noticed that Bossy’s car is also acting strange — not in a lost appetite way, but rather in a weird noise and unforgiving clutch way.
So Bossy’s Unhusband returned Bossy’s car to Bossy so she could await a mechanic appointment so the car can be fixed so Bossy can drive to the store and buy a new power cord.
Just like Bossy is awaiting the final removal of that tree. And awaiting a veterinary appointment and awaiting the return of internet connectivity to the Bossy homestead.
And these are the elements that converged on Bossy this morning in a critical mass way. Or maybe that’s not what critical mass means after all.
Bossy looked it up but she remains unclear — although you may be happy to know Merriam Webster thought it helpful to include a list of words that rhyme with critical mass, as follows:
depression glass
electron gas
play-action pass
laughing jackass
Happy Monday, council!
Z. Mulls says
June 13, 2011 at 1:20 pmIt would all seem too much to bear, unless you just think of it as an episode of Everybody Loves Raymonod
Z. Mulls says
June 13, 2011 at 1:21 pm(where Raymon-od is a space alien, I suppose….)
dgm says
June 13, 2011 at 1:26 pmWhat a series of unfortunate events!
Meg @ Soup Is Not A Finger Food says
June 13, 2011 at 1:32 pmMy grandma collected depression glass.
Bonnie says
June 13, 2011 at 1:32 pmI hope Stella is OK!
Lori says
June 13, 2011 at 1:51 pmIf I had to deal with all that in one day, I would need mega amounts of booze! Hope all gets better for you and your lap pony!
corrie says
June 13, 2011 at 2:07 pm*Deep Breathes* Bossy! (between sips of wine of course!)
You sound stretched to the limit of ‘dealing with sh*t’ !!
Sorry to note that the un-husband returns the car unrepaired! That would have been much more wonderful..
Charlie says
June 13, 2011 at 2:10 pmJeez. Sorry to hear Bossy’s week was suck-ass. At least you weren’t in this house: http://www.flickr.com/photos/7204187@N03/4734173365/in/set-72157624230792465/lightbox/ (On my street last June)
Had some Mac cord problems last month myself. Ended up with a knock-off made by child labor on the Pacific Rim. So far it works tho.
Hope Stella’s OK.
Lisa V says
June 13, 2011 at 2:12 pmDepression Glass should equal the extra large size you have to drink martinis from when you’re feeling down. It would be perfect for the extra special super secret recipe my mom used for screw drivers. You take a water glass, put a couple of ice cubes in it, pour vodka to the top, then lean over and whisper “orange juice.” For woosies, you can get an eye dropper and put some orange juice in the glass so it has some orange coloring.
KathyB says
June 13, 2011 at 2:14 pmThank goodness somebody had internet, therefore this post appeared!!
Ginormous tree, really. Goes with the horse dog.Hope doggie soon recovers. They are sensitive, just massive in size.
Angela says
June 13, 2011 at 2:49 pmUgh, bad weekend here too. Was dragged camping, where friend’s baby threw up on everything and now my boyfriend’s sick too. I feel sick just thinking about it! Hope your day improves soon.
Dara says
June 13, 2011 at 3:22 pmOn 6/30/11 my MIL is coming to stay. For the SUMMER. That’s my definition of critical mass, ya’ll.
Hope your week improves, Bossy & Stella!
Little Miss Sunshine State says
June 13, 2011 at 5:06 pmI thought the term was “cluster$@(#”
Shayera says
June 13, 2011 at 5:15 pmOh dear.
{{{{HUGS}}}}
Doug says
June 13, 2011 at 5:23 pmI thought about sending you a copy of “Waiting for Godot,” but reconsidered; Her Ladyship would probably NOT be amused.
Carry on,
bill says
June 13, 2011 at 5:42 pmRight. I get it. Crap days plus also… But read this for perspective. http://bit.ly/mQKWj4 Serious tree in your yard, I gotta admit.
the muskrat says
June 13, 2011 at 7:24 pmThat sucks. I spent $900 trying to fix a not working headlight on my car and then, two days later (today), the other headlight burned out.
GrandeMocha says
June 13, 2011 at 7:31 pmThat sucks! Hope tomorrow is brighter.
Kellene Giloff says
June 13, 2011 at 7:31 pmI think we’ve all been here. Makes you appreciate the non-critical mass days. Hang in there!
And let me take a moment to tell you how much I enjoy your blog. We all need to laugh more often. You’re providing a much-needed service to the world through your humor!
Sarah says
June 13, 2011 at 7:36 pmThe tree photos are blowing my mind entirely. Somehow the scale for some reason just doesn’t come across until the tree people are there to highlight what is indeed epic.
P.S. I typed this on my silly little iPod keypad, by the way. THAT is how much I needed to tell you just how blown my mind is.
Cupcake Murphy says
June 13, 2011 at 8:11 pmThat tree is hugeness exemplified.
Nancy says
June 13, 2011 at 8:26 pmok you win for the suckiest Monday ever.
Have another.
Chesapeake Bay Woman says
June 13, 2011 at 8:28 pmOh, no! Please tell me the “I am mossy” shed didn’t get crushed in this disaster.
This, too, shall pass. Just like a kidney stone.
Jami says
June 13, 2011 at 9:12 pmDon’t make me get the Hurricane Ike Aftermath pictures out! When not just one but eleventy dozen trees were down in my yard alone and Jami and her entire neighborhood were without Internet for 2 weeks. Because they didn’t have any POWER. Which was caused by falling trees taking down power lines. Don’t EVEN go there!
In my house, we can that confluence of negativity Passion Fingers. Because everything you touch gets … well, you know.
Jami says
June 13, 2011 at 9:15 pmIn my house, we CALL that confluence …
(More wine, anyone?)
Craftwhack says
June 13, 2011 at 10:40 pmThat tree photo with the tiny men was really cool- cause they looked so real! Instead of the little Ken dolls you probably posed in there.
CS says
June 14, 2011 at 12:33 amHappy Monday, indeed! Depression Glass, indeed. Hang in there, Bossy!
Cactus Petunia says
June 14, 2011 at 3:34 amHanging on by a thread, waiting to hear how Stella is…and very glad the tree landed in the back of your yard, not on the house, even if it did take out the internet. And, lastly (but not least-ly) glad you’re all okay!
Meg at the Members Lounge says
June 14, 2011 at 9:35 amI’m glad BOSSY’s crappy Monday is over!
amanda says
June 14, 2011 at 10:05 pmas my friend’s Dad always says upon hearing someone’s bad news
“Other than THAT Mrs. Lincoln…How was the play?!”
CeeCee says
June 17, 2011 at 9:34 pmI’m waayy late to this party.
1. Agreed, one big freakin’ tree. Thank goodness the wind didn’t blow it on Bossy’s house!!
2. How is your lap pony, Stella!!??