As some of you may have heard because the entire East Coast won’t shut up, there was an earthquake in Bossy’s area of the country yesterday. The following is a reenactment of events.
It was afternoon and Bossy had just returned from a run and was studying her adult acne in the bathroom mirror:
When suddenly Bossy noticed her hairdryer was walking its way across the surface where it was resting:
That’s when Bossy realized it wasn’t just the hairdryer in motion. There was a very disturbing sound, not unlike when you put a pair of canvas sneakers in the clothes dryer and the machine becomes imbalanced and shakes itself free of its concrete foundation.
Not sure what was going on, Bossy emerged from the bathroom and peeked into her bedroom for signs:
And then Bossy realized the windows were all rattling in their frames:
So Bossy peeked into her daughter’s room to see what was going on in there:
But the only thing Bossy found in her daughter’s room were more windows rattling in their frames:
By this time Bossy had canceled out a few theories about what was happening, such as the Freight Train Passing Very Close To The House Theory and the Contractors Doing Something Weird Across The Street Theory.
Still, Bossy couldn’t figure it out. The word earthquake crossed Bossy’s mind, but there was no way this sustained and not very subtle activity could be attributed to that, because if Bossy was going to agree to live in an earthquake zone, that earthquake zone would have views of the Pacific Ocean.
In confusion, Bossy reached out to touch the door jamb:
And then she placed her hand on the wall:
Every brick and mortar inch of Bossy’s house was trembling and rocking on its mid-century foundation. Being something of a scientist, Bossy reached the only reasonable conclusion to explain what was going on around her.
Bossy ran downstairs to see if that would offer more clues, but all she found were more windows rattling in their frames:
That’s when Bossy realized the lantern that hangs from the ceiling in the corner of the Bossy living room was actively swaying:
Next Bossy touched more things because that always helps when in the middle of an earthquake:
And then, as if someone was turning the volume knob back to zero, the house was still. And everything returned to normal, where normal equals Bossy’s son arrived home from the grocery store and thought Bossy, who eagerly described the strange activity, had finally lost her mind.